Im doubting the relationship

[max3]

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for 6 months, but we knew each other since teenagers. We use to date (puppy love in gradeschool) We are in are early 20's. She's a single mom

 

When we first got together we felt like we were meant to be and we started living together quickly in one home. She talked about marriage and wanted to plan it and I also felt i wanted to marry her later on in the relationship.

 

After I started living with her I discovered that she is highly sensitive and always gets hurt, cries, and gets angry over minor things that I do. She is on antidepressants and has anxiety meds for excessive worrying about things.

Example: One day she was making my plate and I told her No thanks to a side dish that she made. She heated it up in the microwave in a non BPA free bowl so thats why I didnt want it. She threw a fit and didnt eat dinner with me and cried and told me maybe we should split up and i should find the perfect woman for myself who will have bpa free bowls. CAN YOU PLEASE TELL ME IF I DID THE WRONG THING OR DID SHE DO THE WRONG THING?

 

She cooked me dinner and i was grateful for that and i feel bad that i couldnt eat that dish, but at the same time I was polite and did not try to offend her or make her upset or cry. I just told her nicely i didnt want it because it was heated up in a preference that I do not eat.

 

I love her and her kid but now Im starting to doubt if this is a healthy relationship. She always hurts me when she gets upset and then she tells me that im just saying that im hurt but im really not.

 

I once raised my voice at her because she kept on complaining and putting me down making me feel bad. She told me to never talk to her like that again and she was thinking of breaking up because of that. I never talked to her like that again.

 

She raises her voice at me alot and yells and cusses at me for doing minor things. I dont talk back to her in a bad tone, but i express to her in a calm manner that it is not right to do that.

Example: We were driving to a restaurant and she asked if I wanted to eat outside. I said no because it was too hot and too many cars next to the chairs and she blurted out a F-bomb and said fine we wont eat and she just drove back home without eating lunch after she drove all the way to the restaurant as i just sat in the seat saying nothing back.

 

 

 

Shes not using me for my money, she has a good job like me and we are both successful college grads.

Edited April 29, 2014 by max3

[still_an_Angel]

You'd be needing help from the saints to deal with this one. A lot of wires are still to be uncrossed and I think it will take some time to get the little things that make her blow up sorted. Good luck.

[bubbaganoosh]

The woman has some serious issues and one of them is a real bad lack of communication. Seem like it OK for her to speak her piece but not cool if you do.

 

Look. Your a young guy just getting started in life and trying to carve out your own piece of the world just like people before you did so why do you want to be with someone who has all the potential to make your life really miserable.

 

Do yourself a favor and find a woman with less problems because the longer this goes on, her problems will be yours and I have a feeling that she's got a whole lot more stored up and ready to come out in droves.

[oldshirt]

Just some general background info- just because a woman is educated and gainfully employed doesn't mean that she still won't use a man for his resources and support to help raise a young child. Even if she makes a living and you aren't rich, having an extra income and an extra warm body in the house a big difference in what kind of house she can live in and what kind of support and child care she can have vs if she were completely on her own.

 

Let's face it, she doesn't have many opportunities for a man to help with the rent and bills and groceries as a single mother in her early 20s. A lot of guys would be ok to have a hook up with her for a night or two but not many are going to be willing to sign up to be an InstaDad and help pay the rent and help with the child.

 

It's quite common for a young single woman to latch on to a naive, "nice guy" and shower him with affections and vows of love etc to get him sucked in (it's called "Hoovering" and is an actual term, you can look it up) and then over time since she's not really in love with him or attracted to him, she gets colder and nastier to him as time goes on.

 

In your situation the fact she has all these mental and emotional issues just makes it all that much more worse.

 

You need to face up to the fact she just simply doesn't treat you very well and isn't even nice to you. She doesn't really respect and treats you nasty when you aren't bowing down to all her wishes or serving her exactly the way she wants.

 

She treats you as more of an errand boy and babysitter/servant than a serious boyfriend.

 

Since you do not have your own kids with her my recommendation is to amicably separate and not play the role of live-in or as a surrogate father. If you wish to take her out on Sat night dates that's your business but I doubt if she will continue to put out at all if you aren't playing the role of pseudo daddy.

 

Make no mistakes, if left to continue or if you try to "nice" your way into her good graces it will only get much much worse as time continues. In a pretty short period of time she will have no affection or sex with you at all.

 

This is not a fluke or an exception to any rule. This is following a very stand and predictable path of an overwhelmed single mother grasping at a naive " nice guy" who is trying to be a white knight and rescue a damsel in distress.

 

Dr Laura Schlesinger said it best, when men try to rescue damsels in distress, all they are left to show for it is a distressed damsel on their hands.

 

She's with you because she wants the help and because no-one else will have her, not because she actually loves, respects or desires you.

[max3]

Thank you. I am planning to break up with her. My post is in the break up forum.