How do you get them to clean?

[feesh13]

Hi I'm new here. I said in a previous post somewhere I have been with my bf for 6 years and we have been living together for 1.5 years. Ever since I moved in he hasn't helped clean the house at all. He's straightened up and even that is half-assed. I've tried everything from talking to him, nagging him, ignoring it, stopping cleaning to see if he would take some initiative, etc. My last resort is going to be getting a maid service, which we can't really afford, and make him pay half.

 

Sometimes when we argue about all this, he'll bring up the fact that he pays more bills and what not even though I work just as much as he does and in the fall I will be going back to school and will definatley not have the time and patience to be doing all the house work myself.

 

The whole thing really sounds like it shouldn't be a big deal but I am to the point where I can't stand our house and I just want to scream at him to cleaning the f-ing house. I know even if he did clean, if wouldn't be very well but it would be better than nothing. (examples: I've seen the toilet be cleaned with the brush and no cleaner and he dripped the dirty water on the seat and wiped it off with a tissue or he'll load the dishwasher and have 5 dishes in there and it looks full)

 

We aren't officially engaged but definalty plan to get married and I'm sure I'll have a ring soon unless we keep fighting over stuff like this. I also have lived on my own before and had the same issues with both of my other roommates not ever cleaning to which he responded that when we lived together he wouldn't be like that. Yeah uh huh. I'm the furthest thing from a neat freak I just don't like a disgusting house.

 

Any advice or similar experiences or should I just give up and find a way to afford a maid?

 

Thanks

[Jacksin]

Why would you want to marry this lazy slob?

Seems like all he wants is a maid or a mother. Things will only get worse once you are married.

 

Perhaps you could stay at a friends place for a month and just see how much sh*t he gets to live in. That should give you some idea what would happen should you foolishly marry him, like he is, and fall sick or be laid up having kids etc

 

Jack

[moimeme]

Here's a great article from <removed> on how to negotiate chores. The way to deal with problems in relationships is to negotiate solutions, not take unilateral action like going on strike or hiding out at someone else's house.

 

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5045_qa.html

[Kizzyfur]

I think I could help you if I knew how I did it. All I did was start putting his dirty clothes in one place rather than all over the room. Never said a word to him about it but after 2-3 days he started doing it on his own. I jokingly say something about it being his turn to do the dishes or whatnot and he'll do it. I only just look at him when he leaves trash sitting on the counter and he'll turn around and put it in the trash. Same with if he leaves something lying around where it shouldn't be.

 

Funny thing, his ex-wife always complained that she couldn't get him to do a damn thing. But then she always just b*tched and nagged him about everything. So I would suggest, whatever you do, don't nag him about it. I've found most people tend to avoid doing things if they're nagged at all the time.

[feesh13]

Thanks , that link makes sense maybe we'll give it a shot.

 

I must have done something to get through to him because he's been "cleaning more" His cleaning is about equal to my straightening up but it's a start. I've been trying not to nag or instantly get angry if I don't like the way he does something.

 

Also, my friends daughter is going to start cleaning our house for a couple hours a week for a fraction of what a service would pay and I told him it's not up for discussion and he is paying half unless he can magically learn to clean properly in the meantime. This didn't get the arguement that I thought it would soI'm happy about that and she can do some basic mantinence of things we both hate like dusting and the floors each week giving me time to do the things I don't mind and him the time to do other stuff too.