I want to travel but my husband doesn't

[Daisy7]

I really love traveling before my husband i traveled all the time by myself and i loved it now that we are married he doesn't want to go anywhere. Well this month I am traveling to my parents house which is not a big deal to visit for a while i am going alone. On my way there there is a longgggg layover that i have to stop in one country before continuing my trip. This country i have always dreamed of visiting and i figured due to this 14hr or so layover is a great opportunity for me to experience this country a little bit and to spend some ME time and enjoy this time by experiencing my time there, their culture breath some air and try new foods and what not. However, my husband expects me to stay in the airport at all times, he does not want me to go anywhere leave anywhere and if i do it will be a HUGE fight and what not. I mean no harm, i just really want this so much because he doesn't want to travel with me and i don't want to miss out on this opportunity since i know it won't happen again.

 

I feel i can't enjoy what i love or want because its his way or the high way.

Any advice? I know he will get mad if i leave the airport, but i really want to see some new surroundings.

[Eivuwan]

Judging by your other posts, you guys have a lot more problems than this disagreement over traveling.

[Bubberfly]

How's he gonna know you left the airport if he's not there?

[carhill]

Any advice? I know he will get mad if i leave the airport, but i really want to see some new surroundings.

 

I'd enjoy the trip and deal with him later. He doesn't own you.

 

If a 'fight' breaks out later, OK. If it isn't about leaving the airport, it'll be about something else. At least this way you'll have visited and experienced the country you're passing through, something you've long wished to do. BTDT, many times, even if only for a day. Enjoy

[Daisy7]

Eivuwan: yes we do have more problems but i wouldn't want to increase any more with this. It actually would be nice to take this chance and relax from it all even if it is for a day.

 

 

Bubberfly: If i were to take photos or what not he goes through all my things, laptop, phone emails etc. he is very possessive and dominant besides i would hate to not tell him the truth knowing his temper :/

 

carhill: I thought about your comment so much and it makes so much sense and you are so right, i realized a fight will break about anything else. The country am traveling to is France the airport is near Paris and i speak french as a third language which i find for it to be perfect for me! I have so longed for this opportunity and on my way to see my parents this is my stop for 14hrs!!! how can i not savor it for a bit but he will probably threaten me with divorce and what not. When he gets angry with me while i am home he leaves and disappears and i have no idea where and returns home past midnight, one time he showed up at 3am yet i don't lie to him or anything! but anyways, he can be very jealous too though, im conflicted

[Misfortune]

He has a lot of power over you. You can't even enjoy yourself by yourself without his permission? What are you suppose to do in the airport for 14 hrs? Go about your sightseeing and have fun. Turn off the gps on your phone if he tracks you that way.

 

What does he want you to do when you visit your parents, stay in the house?

[pink_sugar]

Sounds like a control freak. I couldn't sit in an airport for 14 hours...no way. If my spouse didn't want to travel, that would be a deal breaker for me...

[smoky eyes]

He has absolutely no right to tell you you can't leave the airport, and sounds like a total nightmare. Haven't read your other posts and don't know what your deeper issues are, but if someone tried to pull that on me they would be so gone.

 

Also, it's France. What does he think is going to happen? I could make a slight exception if we were talking South Sudan and he was concerned for your safety (although that would still be paternalistic) but really? You can't go look around Paris?

[smoky eyes]

Sorry, just realized I have read your other posts...

 

You're still with this guy?

[pteromom]

Remember my advice in your other thread?

 

So, step 1: Let go of your expectations of him.

 

Step 2: Let go of your emotional reaction to his actions. If he's cutting, rude, and mean to you, you have to realize that what he is saying has NOTHING to do with you. He can call you a stupid b----, but does that make it true? Of course not. Your opinion of yourself is just as valid as his opinion of you. He only controls you if you allow him to, and if you can get to that head space where his anger no longer affects you emotionally, you will feel a lot better.

 

Practice saying things like "Oh, I see." "I hadn't thought of it that way." "Interesting." "Thanks for your perspective." "Mmmm-hmmm." Responses that let him know he was heard, but that do not lead to escalation of the argument.

 

Step 3: Start doing things that make you happy. You are miserable and sad, so what can you do to help with that? Your husband doesn't control your life, and there is more to life than a romantic relationship. Go out with friends. Get a hobby. Do what brings you happiness. Stand up for yourself.

 

Step 4: See how your husband changes when you change the patterns in your marriage. When you no longer fight back or react. When you are filling the rest of yourself up with things that make you happy.

 

One of two things will happen: The changes in you will inspire changes in him, and you may finally see something worth working on. OR - he will push harder and get worse, in which case, you can leave knowing you have done what you can on your side to change things.

 

This is part of changing the patterns in your marriage. If visiting Paris makes you happy, then do it. If he yells and screams, do not engage in an argument or give him any kind of reward (crying, apologizing) for his temper tantrum.

 

Enjoy Paris! Don't let your spirit be extinguished by someone else.