youngwife Posted August 19, 2013 Share Posted August 19, 2013 My husband grew up with a man who was his best friend ("Joe"). Joe's girlfriend ("Jane") became very jealous of me because Joe was attracted to me, which was never reciprocated. My husband and I moved several thousand miles away. Jane remains in my hometown spreading rumors about our marriage that she has no idea about. My husband's naive sister has since become friends with Joe and Jane and is basically a pawn and believes everything they say. Now, I feel like there is added tension between my family-in-law and me basically because a mean-spirited, jealous person is using me as an outlet for her own irritations. What would you guys do about this? I tried sending Jane a genuinely nice "There has been a misunderstanding..." message, but she ended up telling everyone I "chewed her out" etc. It is completely ridiculous. Her husband got my new phone number from an unknown source and called me to set the record straight. I felt attacked and confused as to why these people have nothing better to do than spread rumors about someone living thousands of miles away... I feel like the relationship with my sister-in-law is completely obliterated because I lost all respect for her because she believes these nutcases. It is all very absurd. What would you do in my situation? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 19, 2013 Share Posted August 19, 2013 I'm curious where your husband is in all this? His friend, his sister and his family so what's been his reaction and input to a situation that obviously has you upset? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author youngwife Posted August 21, 2013 Author Share Posted August 21, 2013 I'm curious where your husband is in all this? His friend, his sister and his family so what's been his reaction and input to a situation that obviously has you upset? Mr. Lucky Hi Mr. Lucky-- His reaction, at first, was to ignore it and hoped it went away. The last time we visited, I did not go to a party at the friend's house because I was visiting with my family (which I had not seen in months). The "friend" and his sister literally cornered him and confronted him about why I was not at the party and whether or not I am "treating him right" so far away (I basically treat him like a God). However, I tried to ignore it too until his friend got my new cell number from an unknown source and confronted me about how I am treating my husband. I was genuinely confused and awestruck that this person is so obsessed with our relationship... After that happened, my husband finally started sticking up for me. Since then, he has basically abolished his friendship with the guy and got in a very heated argument with his completely naïve sister. I just feel like these people literally haunt me from thousands of miles away. It is absolutely insane. It is laughable, but at the same time, my sister-in-law is involved which makes it more confusing. She is one of those people who never matured past 15 so it makes it extremely difficult to work with her. I just really don't want his entire family to end up hating me for (literally) no reason. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 I just feel like these people literally haunt me from thousands of miles away. It is absolutely insane. It is laughable, but at the same time, my sister-in-law is involved which makes it more confusing. She is one of those people who never matured past 15 so it makes it extremely difficult to work with her. I just really don't want his entire family to end up hating me for (literally) no reason. Their effect on you is in direct proportion to the amount of attention you pay to it. The reasonable people you know, his family included, will form their opinions of you based on who you are and how you interact with them. The unreasonable folks, who cares what they think? You're giving these troublemakers way too much power over you... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted August 22, 2013 Share Posted August 22, 2013 After that happened, my husband finally started sticking up for me. Since then, he has basically abolished his friendship with the guy and got in a very heated argument with his completely naïve sister. With your husband doing the right thing, just ignore them. Reaction by you only empowers them. Without a reaction from you, there is no more fun in the gossip. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted August 22, 2013 Share Posted August 22, 2013 (edited) unfortunately you cant change what other people do , you can only be there when they realize they are doing something nasty and forgive them if they come to you and say hey look i am really sorry...... i understand why you are hurt and feel a bit betrayed maybe by the sister in law.......but....you know in your heart you have done nothing wrong and if the sister in law one day reaches the bad side of spiteful gossip started by the one who started things about you...she will see her true colors....you cant wash away true colors, they are there and whether or not people see them immediately is not as important as the fact that those colors cannot be hidden forever....... i have been subject to horrible gossip more than once........nothing that i could say at the time to change that gossip........or change the mind of the person spreading it or the peop[le who listened to it and judged me unfairly........but what i did have was the support and validation from people who knew me really and loved me.......which is more than what some people ever have...you have a loving husband who knows your heart...thats not an easy thing to have ahappy marriage these days should be treasured.....be calm under fire.......everything has a beginning and an end......even gossip ......gossips often find new projects to torment.....fact...they get bored when they have no reaction.......my suggestion is.....silence on your behalf and patience...be happy with your hubby and the life you lead devoid of bitterness or spitefulness towards others...you rock and i bet bet your hsuband thinks so.....so rock it harder..... best wishes.........good luck..hugs to ya..deb Edited August 22, 2013 by todreaminblue Link to post Share on other sites
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