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My Husband is out all night long, home in the morning

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Old 19th June 2004, 9:23 AM   #1
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Unhappy My Husband is out all night long, home in the morning

I've been married for 4 years, with my husband for 6. We have two wonderful boys and one on the way. My husband is a very social person, always has been. He is the life of the party, always the center of attention, and I've always felt that I am the only important woman in his life. He can be a crab at times and I've put up with a lot, but I do love him.

Problem is, once again, he decides he can just stay out all night long. He doesn't call, in fact he doesn't answer his phone, and he comes home sometime around 8am or 9am the next morning. This happens about 6 times a year, more in the summer. He apologizes the next morning and is all sweet to me, but I am very tired of this behavior. He says he doesn't want to drive home drunk, and I respect that.

I do not believe he is cheating on me, but I've tried everything to get him to see my point of view. I'm contemplating giving him a taste of his own medicine, which is the only thing I've never done.

I'm trying to raise 2 boys and their father isn't giving them the message that I want them to have. What can I do?
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Old 19th June 2004, 11:40 AM   #2
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You got to put your foot down and give this man the ultimatum. He chooses to go out and party while your at home raising two young boys? All that stuff should be behind him because he chose the life of being married and having kids- a family man. I would just tell him upfront that your sick of him going out and coming home in the morning. I don't wanna throw any curve balls your way, but are you sure he isn't cheating on you? He says he doesn't wanna drive home drunk. Why can't he have one of his friends drive him home? Does he even call you to let you know that he's not coming home? Yeah you just got to end it and put a stop to it, otherwise its just gonna keep getting worse. And if he hasn't cheated yet, trust me he soon will if this keeps going on.
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Old 19th June 2004, 12:17 PM   #3
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He doesn't call, in fact he doesn't answer his phone, and he comes home sometime around 8am or 9am the next morning.
You said you are sure he is not cheating.... are you just trusting your guts or can anyone confirm it? Do you know whom he goes out with? Male friends of his? on his own? Do you know for sure where he goes to when he stays out all night?
Why did he not take you with him? Did he tell you precisely where he went and who was with him, and how he spent the time?

And why on earth he did not answer the phone?

Do you have any common friends worth of trust who can give you a precise account of his nights out?

I don't think it would be too bad if he told you in advance he wants to stay out, answered your calls, possibly called himself and gave you the possibility to check he's not doing anything wrong.

Do you think he'd have any problems if you too spent some nights out?
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Old 19th June 2004, 12:27 PM   #4
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Is it with the same group each time? If its just a "guys night out" then perhaps assume you wont see him on those nights. Ask him ahead of time if he plans to be home before midnight, etc. This has been going on your entire marriage, seems a shame to start fighting it now. Perhaps this helps him feel "free" for a night which helps him commit the rest of the time. Free with the guys, not tied down, but still behaving. Some people can handle the "night out with the guys" better than others. You two seem to be doing something right to stay together all this time....Are you getting your "girls night out"? I'm not suggesting this as a revenge tactic, but as a way for you to get out away from your kids for awhile, enjoy the night life with a safe group of gals that you enjoy, and perhaps it will help you understand why he enjoys his nights out too. Just a suggestion. I would not start those wheels turning in your head about cheating. Don't torture yourself.

We are talking about once every other month! That's not huge, hon. (in my opinion)
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Old 19th June 2004, 12:28 PM   #5
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Major Alarm!

Uh, stays out all night doing what? Not cheating? Don't bet the farm on that. If he wasn't up to no good he'd answer the cell phone. What if somethig were to happen to you or the children? And what ever is a married man with children doing staying out all night? This is irresponsible and childish behavior. You don't get that luxury when you have children and a wife to consider. I am a firm believer that a married man can go out with with his buddies for a couple of beers or to watch a game or something like that on occasion, but never, ever to "party." He has a wife to party with. If he wanted to be a party boy he should have stayed single. But it's too late for that now. It's time to grow up!

I agree with others. It's time for a show down. He should be told that you will not tolerate this behavior anymore. Quite simply, he will never stay out partying all night again, but will come home at a reasonable hour, will call you if he's going to be more than a half hour late, and - damn his time! - he WILL answer that cell phone.
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Old 19th June 2004, 2:21 PM   #6
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There are no taxis in your town? He can't call you to come get him? Wake up and smell the cheater, my friend. I would not have put up with one single night out where he wouldn't answer the phone and I'm astounded you did.
Mind you, a cheater can cheat any time of the day, so stopping him going out all night won't necessarily end that.

It's time for a confrontation, IMHO.
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Old 19th June 2004, 4:02 PM   #7
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You stated you were pregnant? Okay, well what if you had an emergency to deal with and you needed him? DOESN'T HE HAVE A CLUE.

I agree with all of what the other posters said, and the cheating was my first thought, but I could be wrong.

Please keep your eyes open. Also men tend to do stupid things while their wife if preg. my h is not a typical cheater, BUT he did cheat once when I was preg with our daugher.

He was lucky I stayed.

Just keep your eyes open.
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Old 19th June 2004, 4:58 PM   #8
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Unfortunately when my ex stayed out all night, it was because he was doing drugs and drinking very heavily. Are you sure that he's not doing any drugs? Just another thought.

This is one of the many reasons that I left him.

You need to talk to your husband and find a way to resolve this. If he is not amicable to this thought, try a marriage counselor. I believe that having a husband/bf (wife/gf) who stays out all night is a serious problem.
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