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Ever Heard of Light Her Fire / Light His Fire


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Old 11th June 2004, 5:50 PM   #1
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Question Ever Heard of Light Her Fire / Light His Fire

have you guys ever heard of light her fire / light his fire? just wondering. my wife and I have been seperated for 3 weeks, but have been having problems for 5 months now. we've only been married 1 year though.

she says she doesn't want to do anything w/ me romantically b/c she's not in love w/ me anymore, do you think it's a waste to even try to win her back? she says she loves me but is not in love w/ me. how can someone not be in love w/ them after 5 years being together and marriage? can it go that quick?

any ideas? everyone keeps telling me to leave her alone and let her feel the lonliness of the seperation. but i think i'm the only one feeling it.
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Old 11th June 2004, 6:02 PM   #2
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Hmm... June 7th was my 1 yr anniversary with my husband. OH my GOSH! was that 1st year hard. he actually had his bags packed that 1st week and so did I. we were both leaving everything here to go God knows where. haha. but then we thought about it and we love eachother. (and we really have nowhere else to go haha)
all that to explain this 2 you...
Keep up the good faith. everything will work out. if she doesn't feel that loneliness then it isn't worth it. but.. I am sure she will. Don't LEAVE her ALONE! I think this could be the worse thing you could do. if my husband didn't call me when I was mad (even if I hung up on him and yelled and said I didn't want him to call anymore)... I would feel really disappointed. I like that feeling that he is helpless without me. (even if he is not)
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Old 12th June 2004, 3:02 PM   #3
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I'd read about it many moons ago......didn't realize it was still around.
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Originally posted by Dave1234, joy of joys and greatest LoveShack love toy.

I, Dave, hath chosen to also photo with long lense which protrudes from my camera of life force and shows falic symbol erected in direction of assembled love mass. .... but telephoto lense being hard and erect will attract many horny love-sturved babes to my shift before deadline and I will go into press room behind ink barrel to press lense into soft, velvet case and make love froever more. .....
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Old 12th June 2004, 4:03 PM   #4
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read about what?
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Old 12th June 2004, 4:49 PM   #5
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An interview with the founder of Light His/Her Fire.

Like I said, that was so long ago I didn't think that was still around - I'm almost positive I don't have the magazine with the interview in it!
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Old 13th June 2004, 8:02 PM   #6
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Beckham, why are the 2 of you seperated?
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Old 13th June 2004, 8:13 PM   #7
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why we're seperated

It's a long story... but basically, i neglected her and took her for granted. she did the same and she kissed someone b/c of the attention she wasn't getting w/ me.

she says she doesn't love me anymore, but she says she still loves me. and then she calls me like every other day and buys me groceries and asks me constantly if i need anything.
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Old 13th June 2004, 8:18 PM   #8
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Beckham, I did (or didnt do) basically th same things as you during the first 3 years of me and my wife's marriage. She left in October and filed for divorce in December, we finally worked things out in March and things are going fantastic.

Are things looking up? Do you think the two of you will reconcile? Do you now see the things you were doing during your marriage that drove her away?

I could possibly help if you run into questions during this time. This will be the most difficult experience of your life and to be honest it doesnt really get any better with time

Let me know if I can help,
Luke
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Old 13th June 2004, 9:44 PM   #9
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Luke, um we seperated about 3 weeks ago. she moved all her clothes out and says that she's not inlove w/ me anymore, but she says she still loves me. she says she's moving out to find herself (her identity) as a person and also b/c she's missed out on an independent part of her life. she's 23 and she moved from parents at 18 to the dorms at 19, to my house at 19 and then getting married.

it's funny b/c i was very clingy during the first 2 weeks of the seperation... then i made a decision to let her go. we had a good talk and she txt messaged me 3 times last week. then she says at the end of the week that she wants a divorce. we've only been seperated for 3 weeks now and its already over? she says we've been having problems for about 5 months now... and that she's told me before, but i never did anything. she's saying that if she did give me a chance that it'll be my 3rd or 4th try. She says there's no hope for us ans she doesn't understand why i keep staying in denial. i tell her it's not denial, it's hope and faith that my wife will see thelove we had b4 and will want to start under with a better foundation.

we talked about divorce, but i don't want to file. dont' know if she wants to or not... but we have discussed about what would happen if we did get a divorce, like the house etc. no kids involved... actually we've only dated for 2 years, were engaged for 1 year, then married for 1 year.
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Old 13th June 2004, 10:22 PM   #10
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First of all, dont sign anything regarding a divorce. You dont have to sign or agree to a divorce, make it hard for her, which will give her more time to think this over more clearly. My wife still loved me when she left but avoided me because she didnt want to come back and give it another shot. She knew if she was around me then she would change her mind and come back. So she avoided me and filed for divorce, which I did not agree to or sign. I think if I would have signed then it would have been over. I wanted to make sure that she had plenty of time to rationally think this over before she made this kind of decision.

The one thing that I know for sure is the more you push, the further she will go away. I would call my wife every day time and time again, which basically eventually made her start ignoring me completely. I pushed her further and further away with every desperate phone call. Things did not start getting better until I started leaving her completely alone. I would send her a card letting her know i was thinking about her every 2 weeks or so, but no phone calls, no emails, no voice mails, nothing. After 2 months of this she started calling and checking on me, etc etc.

Make sure she understands where you are with this and then give her space.

Do you think there is anyone else involved? I can tell you it is VERY difficult for a woman to do something this drastic without some kind of support. Whether it be close friends, family or another man. I was convinced there was no one else, sure beyond a shadow of a doubt, however it did turn out that she met someone at the hospital where she works after she left. She didnt leave because of him but was very lonely and vulnerable when she left and did meet someone. This support was all she needed to keep from coming back or calling me.

She did tell me that a day didnt go by that she didnt cry in bed from missing me. Even though it appeared that she could care less, deep down she did, which is why she tried to avoid me, she knew that she would come back....

Dont beg, plead, cry, ask why, etc etc over and over again. It will make you very unattractive to her and it will not help in winning her back. Make yourself attractive to her again, like when the two of you were dating. Even if you are miserable, try not to show that when you see her.

luke
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Old 13th June 2004, 10:53 PM   #11
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Luke, um yeah... a guy that she was in a class with (senior in college) kissed her... and she liked the attention that she was getting. B/C she wasn't getting the attention here she liked it from him. she went to lunch with him a couple of times but that was it. she says there was not infidelity and she says that he still calls her but she ignores her calls b/c she's trying to focus on herself rightnow and not anyone romantically. i'm not sure if that's the truth, but I told her yesterday when we saw each other for the 1st time in 2 weeks that she owed me nothing but the truth in this matter.

she wants me to get on w/ this and try to live independently right now... so if she wanted to lie to me to make me angry then she would say that she slept w/ this guy. i know she didn't though. i trust her. yeah i'm right on w/ you on the no contact thing. The day I told her that I wanted her to be happy and that I was ready to let her go, she called me that night to make sure if I was ok and if I needed anything like groceries and stuff. she txt messaged me 2 days later to see if i had made it ok to my destination b/c it was raining, and then the next morning to tell me that she was leaving the house a little early just incase i needed to come back to the house and clean up or something. she's been staying at a friends house for the last 3 weeks.

it's just weird b/c if i wanted to get a divorce w/ someone i sure as hell wouldn't be willing to get groceries or be calling to check and see if they were ok. I also found out she had been checking my email to see if i had been emailing my exgirlfriend of 4 years. i dont' know what she's thinking. I love her and she says she loves me, but not inlove w/ me. I think she's angry at everyone for pushing her and she's making a wrong decision b/c she's upset w/ the pressure of the "divorce decision". not sure if she's wanting me to make the decision to make it easier on her (i told her that i wouldn't be filing). I also think she might be doing some of these things to test my "new changes"... like she's trying to see if I will blow up and be the old person that she fell out of love with. i haven't blown up yet, but i feel myself going there b/c of the lack of direction i'm getting. it's been 3 weeks and she's no closer to a decision then she was when she left. she still calls but it seems like she's looking for excuses to call.

your thoughts?
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Old 14th June 2004, 11:43 AM   #12
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Sometimes people will already be having problems (your wife may've had a problem with you that you weren't willing to aknowledge, or that she just didn't tell you about) they will get married, thinking things will improve.

I had a friend who was in a lousy relationship, and asked his g/f to marry him, in hopes of it making things better. My own dad asked a girl to marry him, in hopes she'd say no, so he could dump her.

People do dumb things. Maybe she had a problem with you before you got married, and thought that marrying you would magically make it go away. Now that the problem isn't fixed, she's leaving you.
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Old 14th June 2004, 3:41 PM   #13
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Originally posted by Monday
My own dad asked a girl to marry him, in hopes she'd say no, so he could dump her.
my, my...that's risky!! if she said yes then breaking off an engagement would be even worse than breaking off a dating relationship. what happened?
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