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I'm Sick of This Depressing Forum - Marriage Can be Wonderful Too!!!


Marriage & Life Partnerships Debunking the old-ball-and-chain stereotype one couple at a time.

 
 
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Old 4th June 2004, 12:01 PM   #1
MeanNewYorker
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I'm sick of this depressing forum

This forum is really unbelievable! This is supposed to be a marriage discussion forum, and all I'm seeing are threads about the terrbile aspects of being married, the incessant porno rants, the astonishing amount of infidelity that people take part in and/or have incredible first hand knowledge about, the dynamics of socializing behind your SO's back, the thoughts of seperation and severe depression that so many seem to possess.

This is a marriage forum; I've been married for six years and it's been absolutely glorious. No intention of being holier/happier than thou, just want to talk about the great things about marriage. The outstanding sense of fullfillment that two people can get out of working together for a greater purpose. Marriage is something where if both people get it right can bring such great that you never thought existed.

My marriage intitally started off terribly and we were heading on a downward spiral, fast. I know some of you may have some irrecoverable problems that are impossible to ignore, but the fact is, when each person merely focuses on doing a little for the other, the possiblities are endless. I'd like to give a simple example of how a little thing that I did for my wife caused her to do something major for me b/c it made me so happy.

She was a smoker which I detested for years, yet she wouldn't stop, and it caused a lot strife. So after many attempts of all sorts of deals and incentives....I went out a bought her a really nice and expensive necklace she'd been dying for, for no reason, just to say I love you. Two weeks later she informed me that she had quit a week earlier and is committed to quiting. Well today is the one year anniversary of her quitting, hence the point of my rant.

I did somethhing that I knew would make her happy, she did sooooooooo much more to make me happy. I think this philosophy is applicable to all aspects of marriage and to all issues across the spectrum. If we could stop being so selfish and lustful and instead focus on channeling those feelings towards our spouses, the returns are unlimited.

Marriage is the best, but you have to work at it!

Please don't rip me too bad for this, but ya'll need to change your ways, this forum is trully depressing.

Anyone else love being married and love their spouse besides me?

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Old 4th June 2004, 5:01 PM   #2
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Hey MEANNEWYORKER!!!!

First off, welcome to the forum man!!!! Yeah it is a depressing place if you ask me, but that's where people like you and I come in.....I have a WONDERFULL MARRIAGE, and yes I am proud of it....I like to brag about it and help those who are struggling with it....think about this forum being a place where people like you and I can give our thoughts and feelings and best yet, our examples.

One habit I got myself into is leaving little notes for my wife all over the house late at night, so that the next day while I'm at work and she's going through her normal routine, she finds them throughout the course of the day....I did that just last night.....I called her later this afternoon and guess where she was? At the lingerie store for what she called a little present for being so sweet to her.....hmmmm.....wonder what she has planned....

But little hints and suggestions like these really help these people out and it makes feel good and purposefull. So please....instead of looking at this forum as depressing, look at it as a place you can do some good and turn some of these depressing marriages into bliss......

Hope to see you again soon!!!
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Old 4th June 2004, 6:22 PM   #3
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While it's all well and good that you two are so happy, and I welcome anything that isn't depressing, some of us would do anything to make our spouses happy, but they work overtime to make us miserable. It's hard to work in a marriage, where only one partner is doing the work. Therefore, we come here looking for more people in our shoes, who might be able to offer some advice as to how we can make this marriage work.

It is depressing when a husband makes a promise and breaks it. My husband never buys me anything...except the occasional hamburger from McDonalds, if he's getting a Meal. While I appreciate it, he does NOT go out of his way to make me happy. He also blames any problem on me. He blames all small things on me. He calls me stupid. He treats me rough. For the last week, while driving home from work, I started crying. I try to make him happy. I do whatever he asks of me. If he's watching TV at 9 oclock at night, and he wants a pop, but we are out, I put on my coat, grab my keys, and go get him one. He'd never do that for me...even if I was SICK. Sexually, it's all up to me. I have to get him hard, and get me wet. If I ask him for a favore, most of the time he just lays there and ignores me. I get on top and do all of the leg work during our lovemaking.

I do anything he asks of me, and I never complain. He complains about everything that I do. I compliment him, and he tells me to "watch my dimples" or asks me if I'm bloated this week.

I would gladly do anything to have him be the kind of man you portray yourself to be, but it doesn't seem to be happening any time soon, if ever. Therefore, I come on here, hoping to find someone who can help me to accept the hand I have been dealt.

THAT'S why we complain so much. We are looking for someone to tell us that we are not crazy. People say things like, "Just talk to him." You think I wouldn't love to just sit down, and tell him how he hurts me????? The last time I tried, he shoved my recliner, and it dumped me onto the floor! I'm afraid of him.
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Old 4th June 2004, 7:45 PM   #4
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So, Monday.


Why don't you leave?
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Old 4th June 2004, 11:01 PM   #5
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I guess Monday uses this forum as an out for her disposition. She should have walked out of her marriage long back but I think she inwardly likes being treated like a doormat. But I digress...

Sure Mean New Yorker, marriage does work for some people. Here in Australia the success rate is a little under 50%, so over half of all marriages fail. God knows how bad the numbers would be if they added people in Mondays situation
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Old 4th June 2004, 11:14 PM   #6
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Hi "MeanNewYorker" -- by the way, you don't sound so mean to me. Thanks for the lovely post. I'm one of the happily marrieds also.

In their defense, the majority of the people here originally came here because they were looking for advice on relationship issues, and most people don't seek advice if they're happy in a relationship.

Not all of us are unhappily married. Some probably need to read about the strife of others in order to truly appreciate how good they have it. That's a positive aspect of this site, in my opinion. We also come here to discuss lots of other issues. Hopefully you'll join in those discussions.
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Old 4th June 2004, 11:23 PM   #7
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I also have a pretty good marriage. We'll be celebrating our 3rd anniversary next month. It has been rough in the beginning because two people with individual taste and style have to find a way to merge and make their personalities work together. But if you hang in there when things are rough, things can change for the better.
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Old 5th June 2004, 12:48 AM   #8
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But if you hang in there when things are rough, things can change for the better.

Oh come on now! What are you saying? You mean go through difficulties? Endure hardship? Support each other through troubles? Where on earth do you get your wild notions?



Wouldn't you hope people would have figured that out by now? Yes, it's depressing, but that's because that's the nature of the forum. And the good news is sometimes we help out and things get better between people
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Old 5th June 2004, 1:34 AM   #9
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Quote:
Oh come on now! What are you saying? You mean go through difficulties? Endure hardship? Support each other through troubles? Where on earth do you get your wild notions?



Wouldn't you hope people would have figured that out by now?
I think there are some difficulties and hardships that aren't as endurable as most. Abuse, emotional or otherwise, would be one of them. Infidelity is another. There are some people who just aren't working with you.

I think it's pretty ridiculous to be so condescending about it--Some problems aren't so transparent. It's pretty delusional to think that spending hundreds of dollars on jewelry will solve all problems.
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Old 5th June 2004, 1:48 AM   #10
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I think there are some difficulties and hardships that aren't as endurable as most. Abuse, emotional or otherwise, would be one of them. Infidelity is another. There are some people who just aren't working with you.

Thought you knew me by now. Of course I'm not talking about abuse or infidelity. Have you read this forum at all ever, Dyer? A lot of relationships break up without any major severe terrible problem. Other than that the two people don't communicate - which was my point.

I think it's pretty ridiculous to be so condescending about it--Some problems aren't so transparent. It's pretty delusional to think that spending hundreds of dollars on jewelry will solve all problems.

Who, exactly, thinks that? If you are suggesting it's me, you mistake me for heaven knows who because that isn't remotely close to any opinion I'd ever have.
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Old 5th June 2004, 4:47 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally posted by moimeme
Have you read this forum at all ever, Dyer?
No, by now I've taken to just looking at the pictures.
Quote:
Originally posted by moimeme
A lot of relationships break up without any major severe terrible problem. Other than that the two people don't communicate - which was my point.
I think that's a major, severe, terrible problem. What if you're attempting to communicate, and your witness is nonresponsive?

It takes two. Sometimes, only one is trying. Sometimes, they don't want counselling. And, in reading (*gasp*) the forum, I think one can conclude that there are a lot of people whose "sometimes" are a big enough reality to post about it.
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Old 6th June 2004, 12:11 AM   #12
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There are some situations where the person who comes here needs the realistic advice to GET OUT of the marriage and never look back, such as in cases of abuse, physical or emotional. Lots of times we can advise counseling, but if one party is unwilling it doesn't bode well for the future of the marriage.

Personally, I am most upset when I read of unhappy and chaotic marriages with children involved. If a child is being exposed to fighting, lack of love between their parents, drugs, alcoholism or the like, they are being ABUSED. I don't think such a situation should be allowed to continue, unless there is an immediate solution.
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Old 6th June 2004, 5:14 PM   #13
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Lady angel,

I'm with you most of the way.....but, your last sentence, take Monday's case, she has an immediate solution. Leave that guy and make hime realize what he had and lost, she makes money and could do it on her own long enough to put this guy in his place.....she just choses to go on the way it is.

And she's right also about if only one is putting into the marriage then both will never be happy. This might be a way for her to prove herself right. I say to Monday, leave him, when he's alone long enought o realize what he had, he'll have a different outlook. The worste thing that could happen is that you'll find he'll never work on it and free you....

Those are just my thoughts, and I wish people did have more positive things to say on this forum......but in reality, I think that the people who created this forum is to help others help themselves and we can't do that without the negatives that life throws us......Np problelms, no solutions.......

Just more thoughts
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Old 6th June 2004, 7:58 PM   #14
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I'm not married yet, but I am engaged. I am very happy and in love with my fiance. We've been together nearly 3 years. In that time we have been through a lot of sh*t, and nearly broken up more than once. I have also been battling to overcome Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, which has not made things any easier on either of us. I'm still working on issues as I write.

BUT, here we are together, engaged, happy, in love, best friends, and still learning more about each other, and how to communicate better. We've been to counselling, together, and alone, and read books and put in lots of effort. The rewards almost seem sweeter because of the efforts, and the trials.

This site has helped me, and us, very much. moimeme said that sometimes it helps things work out for the best for people...well, count me as one of those people. In December I posted on here that were were about to 'take a break' and perhaps even split for good. But we worked through stuff...and I've been working VERY hard on myself and my issues...and now we will be getting married next April!!!

I'm so lucky to have found a man willing to work through things with me, and stick by me when things have been rough.
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Old 6th June 2004, 10:46 PM   #15
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Cool

Happily married people dont need to come to online forums and tell you about how happy they are. They can tell whoever they meet in the world that they are happy.

People who are unhappy with their spouses have nowhere to take their frustrations out, so they come to this forum.

I personally think, when they decided to talk about their problems with strangers but not their spouses, it has broken the intimate bonds between them and their spouses. I dont believe they will be able to work things out regardless of how many advice they get or how many wise & supportive people they meet here.

If you are sick of this forum, dont come here until your marriage goes sour. There are many places for you to go. But let sad people have a place to express their angers or frustrations.

If you wanna see the bright side of marriage, Was Mr & Mrs Reagan's an inspiration?
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