My wife and I need some assistance...Me or Her?

[Refrigeration]

Hi,

I am new to this forum and have a problem that I would like some answers on.

 

My wife and I have been married for a year (she is 23 and I am 21) and it has been the most testing year in my life. She has lied to me probably close to 20 times in our marriage. We live with my parents due to a couple days before we got married she lost her job and we financially went under. She will not allow me to speak with my father or mother with her getting mad saying "you want to spend more time with them than me". She does not like to be asked to do anything around the house, I come home from a 10 hour a day job and fix her supper and do her laundry. She doesnt seem to have alot of responsibility. She begs for baby and we don't even pay for the food that we eat much less can we afford a child. As of right now she is mad at me cause she says that I don't care about her feelings, cause she asked if we could get another dog and she has one but we don't even pay for the food it eats ( I told her in loving way that we cant afford one but when we can I don't see a problem with getting one). My parents are ready for us to move out (as well as I am) cause she does nothing and grips at almost everyone. My mom and dad tell her that they are tired of her not doing anything, and she just don't have to I guess is her thoughts. And every once in a while (when she is not mad at me) she will tell me that I am the best husband in the world. How can I be if she is angry with me everyday, there is almost 1-2 arguments a day. Does a couple that argue like that and don't have a home of their own, and can't even afford to pay for their own food need to have a child? Is there something that needs to be changed? I don't ever loose my temper with her, I have never yeld at her, everytime an argument breaks out I try to calm it and fix it immediately. But she likes to stay mad for a day or so. She does things to me and talks to me like I am stupid sometimes (even joking) I let it go or play in the joke along (it takes alot to get me angry...I am a quiet person), but if it is pointed towards her she flips out. Can someone help me here?

 

Thanks

[HokeyReligions]

Its hard enough starting out, but when you start out living with someone's parents that quadruples the difficulty.

 

You are not happy. She apparently is not happier either. I truly, strongly, recommend that you seek some counseling for BOTH of you. It's not a fix him, or fix her, situation. You two need some uninvolved, professional, outside help. FAST.

 

Try <removed> first for some information on marriages and how to select a good counselor. Then look around for some qualified therapists or marriage counseling in your area. You might be able to find someone that uses a sliding scale so you can afford it.

 

And no, having a child now would be a bad idea. You are both young and can wait a bit for that. A child, no matter how much you love the child, will add more stress and burden to both of you and can more easily tear a marriage apart then bring them closer. Don't get a second dog either--it would not be fair to anyone--including the current dog and the second dog.

 

Does your wife work? Do you have a financial plan and goals for moving out? You really, really need some in-person help. It doesn't have to mean that the marriage is over. You can be happy again. This is a bad patch that you are going through. My husband and I went through some financial problems shortly after we were married and we didn't have anyone to take us in at the time and we lived in a car for a while. This patch will change and end and there will be some good times ahead for you. A good counselor will help you.

[Sugar_Cube]

Hi, I think counseling is in order. Hopefully if you sit down with her and talk about it maybe you can convience her to go with you. Another thing, not trying to sound disrespectful but age plays a part in it as well. 21, 23 thats kinda young and sounds like there may be some immaurity problems going on in her case. I think maybe you're the more mature one.

 

Also she sounds on the controling side. What was her childhood like? Was she controlled alot or was she spoiled and allowed to do whatever and walk all over whoever? Alot of time people that act that way and do the things they do, its a power trip. When in actuality shes just as scared and not sure of what to do or what she may even want. Her controling behavior is a cover up for what she may or may not feel. She has the "tough" girl exterior going on. Another thing to she gets something out of what shes doing or she wouldn't keep doing it. Theres some form of excitement for her to walk on you and others. You might want to put your foot down. if she doesn't want to go to counseling, then maybe you should give her an ultimatium. I don't personally think they are good, but sometimes you have to take a risk on whats important. Espeically for your own sanity. Best of luck.

[jmargel]

A marriage is a 50/50 thing. Sounds like she expects you to wait on her hand & foot now that you are the husband. You do need counciling with her, because no matter what we say to you & what other advice we can give you, it's her that truly needs to open her eyes. Goto one that is certified in marriages. Alot of the times, people are controlling because they are insecure in their relationship. They figure as long as they can control the situation, that means their partner will be there.

 

Goto counciling as soon as you can before you have to jump over too many hurdles, in terms of you having to get over things she's done to hurt you. You haven't disappointed her like she's making you feel. You shouldn't have to walk on eggshells when you are in a relationship. She needs responsibility given to her to make her feel a part of the family.

[Jacksin]

Your wife sounds like my second wife.

 

Things were good in the beginning but she became lazy almost overnight, she didnt want to get out of bed until mid day, the house became dirty, she wanted another dog, new furniture etc etc. Then I had the extra worry when I lost my job.

 

This went on for 14 months and then I sent her packing (kept the second dog) and I think I got the best part of the deal.

 

Tell your wife to shape up or ship out.

Jack

[miliatrywife]

i think your wife needs to take some wifey responsiblities....if shes not working now...then she needs to be doin her own clothes and yours and your parents if they work...if she can cook then she needs to cook super...for one because if she wants a child then she will have to do all of this not you...if you dont stop her just layin around then it wont stop and you will be in trouble even when you have children

[Fritz]

Definately seek outside marriage counseling at the very least. Second, get mad every so often and yell. Stand up for yourself, don't take that crap from her. You guys are married, but you're not her slave. She sounds like the type who needs someone to take charge, that or she's just plain ol' selfish/ in denial about married life in this day and age. You want the toys and bennies of the high life? You both gotta bust yer butts to get them.