Why is it not ok to judge people on there sexual past?

[DarrenK]

I am tired of this subject and the feeling people have to be nice be so politically correct lol!

I personally think women and men that sleep with tons of random people are the lowest of low and don't deserve respect or to be treated the same as respectable adults.

 

Women that are strippers and show there naked bodies to get paid ,or women that sell there bodies. Men that go to bars try to get women drunk so they can use them cum in them then disappear never to talk to them again! To me a hooker and a SLUT are the same!!one sleeps around to get money the other does it for emotional insecurity .think about it women that has allowed tons of men cum on her in her or anal 3 somes .so gross and women stop complaining about double standards with your feminists views its simpler ladies stop screwing guys that are disgusting scum don't give into these horrible men respect your bodies !! !there the ones that encourage it and say its just sex ?they actually wonder why normal people judge them BECAUSE its nasty !!to be with 20+ people its never be respected and everyone has the right to judge everyone gets judged on every aspect of life !!I'm proud to say I'm not like that and I'm extremely hansom ...but I have values and standards !!here's an idea all sluts please date eachother leave us with values to the good ones

Edited January 20, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[carhill]

It's probably the pejorative descriptions more than the reality of the numbers.

 

Example (not advice): "I don't wish to become intimate with a person who has had substantial (xxxx) number of sexual partners"

 

You can also say this as: 'I don't date or have sex with sluts'

 

Then, look in the mirror and say both lines. Then say them in front of your mother. It's interesting.

[Nyla]

I am tired of this subject and the feeling people have to be nice be so politically correct lol!

I personally think women and men that sleep with tons of random people are the lowest of low and don't deserve respect or to be treated the same as respectable adults.

 

Women that are strippers and show there naked bodies to get paid ,or women that sell there bodies. Men that go to bars try to get women drunk so they can use them cum in them then disappear never to talk to them again! To me a hooker and a SLUT are the same!!one sleeps around to get money the other does it for emotional insecurity .think about it women that has allowed tons of men cum on her in her or anal 3 somes .so gross and women stop complaining about double standards with your feminists views its simpler ladies stop screwing guys that are disgusting scum don't give into these horrible men respect your bodies !! The only women defend sluts are sluts !there the ones that encourage it and say its just sex ?they actually wonder why normal people judge them BECAUSE its nasty !!to be with 20+ people its never be respected and everyone has the right to judge everyone gets judged on every aspect of life !!I'm proud to say I'm not like that and I'm extremely hansom ...but I have values and standards !!here's an idea all sluts please date eachother leave us with values to the good ones

 

I understand that you are upset at your wife for lying about her sexual history, but demonizing everyone who sleeps around is not a solution. In fact, it only makes you look self-righteous and prejudiced.

 

I get the sense that you feel that you are superior to those who have had many sexual partners. Being more chaste and selective does not make you perfect. A person is much more than how many sexual partners he or she has had and it is very ignorant to reduce the value of a human being to how many people they have taken to bed. I'd like to think that there is much more to a person than just how they approach their sex life.

 

I think that your beliefs are very black and white. They do not allow for the grey that comes with life. "The only women who defend sluts are sluts!" Really? Maybe some women don't like to see other women being put down for how many people they have slept with.

 

People don't become promiscuous only because of emotional insecurity. Childhood sexual abuse is often a factor and even though sexual acting out is self destructive, I have sympathy for those who act out because abuse taught them that they are not worth more than sex.

[DarrenK]

I understand that you are upset at your wife for lying about her sexual history, but demonizing everyone who sleeps around is not a solution. In fact, it only makes you look self-righteous and prejudiced.

 

I get the sense that you feel that you are superior to those who have had many sexual partners. Being more chaste and selective does not make you perfect. A person is much more than how many sexual partners he or she has had and it is very ignorant to reduce the value of a human being to how many people they have taken to bed. I'd like to think that there is much more to a person than just how they approach their sex life.

 

I think that your beliefs are very black and white. They do not allow for the grey that comes with life. "The only women who defend sluts are sluts!" Really? Maybe some women don't like to see other women being put down for how many people they have slept with.

 

People don't become promiscuous only because of emotional insecurity. Childhood sexual abuse is often a factor and even though sexual acting out is self destructive, I have sympathy for those who act out because abuse taught them that they are not worth more than sex.

well first I will say I understand we all have different points of views but letter me say this first ,I'm not a black and white guy at all I never said sexuality is bad and I am not saying all women or MEN or sluts if there not virgins lol I'm saying YES if you have used your body is such ways as in ,huge amounts of partners ,random sex with stranges,prostituting yourself and sleeping with strangers is the same thing no emotional attachment no love no respect acting like careless animals ,getting stds,getting pregnant having abortions,cheating,giving oral sex to someone you just met shows extreme poor choices low morals and an overall lack of respect for themselves !!do you think its a coincidence that 90% of ALL prostitutes and Porn stars were sexually molested!!do you know that nearly all psychologist say promiscuity is a unhealthy in all ways psychologically ,physically ,and in future relationships !stds rates ,marriage studies showing that after 5partners the chance of a lasting relationship is next to zero!

 

 

I'm not even religious lol but if you ask me do I view myself and others that choose sexual partners out of love ,respect,COMMITMENT ,as more mentally sound ,more in touch with are health ,and more responsible as an adult then my answer is absolutely YES. And its not just me theres many if not most that agree .

 

If you ask a room full of women and men who they would rather date and have two categories one the responsible ,healthy person looking for a healthy fun lasting fun sexual relationship or the other category where that person has been with 25-100 people ,careless ,3ways,orgies,stds,Porn ,stripper so on that fall in that category. Go ahead ask the crowd who they would want !!its not just me. Would someone ever marry a prostitute. Over a good girl that equally as attractive ?NOOOOOO bottom line it is black and white is you choose to act in ways to just get dick or pussy then yes most respective men and women will judge you for it . Its not healthy and not mature and studies show its a huge sighn of MAJOR underlying issues .

[Nyla]

well first I will say I understand we all have different points of views but letter me say this first ,I'm not a black and white guy at all I never said sexuality is bad and I am not saying all women or MEN or sluts if there not virgins lol I'm saying YES if you have used your body is such ways as in ,huge amounts of partners ,random sex with stranges,prostituting yourself and sleeping with strangers is the same thing no emotional attachment no love no respect acting like careless animals ,getting stds,getting pregnant having abortions,cheating,giving oral sex to someone you just met shows extreme poor choices low morals and an overall lack of respect for themselves !!do you think its a coincidence that 90% of ALL prostitutes and Porn stars were sexually molested!!do you know that nearly all psychologist say promiscuity is a unhealthy in all ways psychologically ,physically ,and in future relationships !stds rates ,marriage studies showing that after 5partners the chance of a lasting relationship is next to zero!

 

 

I'm not even religious lol but if you ask me do I view myself and others that choose sexual partners out of love ,respect,COMMITMENT ,as more mentally sound ,more in touch with are health ,and more responsible as an adult then my answer is absolutely YES. And its not just me theres many if not most that agree .

 

If you ask a room full of women and men who they would rather date and have two categories one the responsible ,healthy person looking for a healthy fun lasting fun sexual relationship or the other category where that person has been with 25-100 people ,careless ,3ways,orgies,stds,Porn ,stripper so on that fall in that category. Go ahead ask the crowd who they would want !!its not just me. Would someone ever marry a prostitute. Over a good girl that equally as attractive ?NOOOOOO bottom line it is black and white is you choose to act in ways to just get dick or pussy then yes most respective men and women will judge you for it . Its not healthy and not mature and studies show its a huge sighn of MAJOR underlying issues .

 

I don't doubt that you are not the only person who would not want someone promiscuous.

 

This may come as a shock, but men have married prostitutes and strippers. Sometimes the women are so glad to have a good man that they are never promiscuous again. Anybody can change if they want to and I wonder why you don't believe in redemption. A person can make horrible mistakes and then come to realize that they can do better. Haven't you ever made a mistake and changed for the better?

 

Maybe you believe you are perfect purely because of your sexual choices. A human being has a lot more to him/her than how many people she/he has had sex with. You are reducing the value of a person to one factor and that doesn't make any sense.

 

All it takes is ONE partner to become pregnant or get an STI. Do you really think that those things only happen to promiscuous people? What about people who catch diseases from a cheating spouse or partner?

 

What constitutes a huge amount of partners is different for everyone. Some people think more than five partners is too many, other people are more forgiving about the number. Since most people lose their virginity sometime in high school and don't marry until late twenties or later, it is not inconceivable that a person can have more than five partners and still go on to have a happy marriage.

 

Honestly, I think that your anger at your wife is clouding your ability to have an informed opinion about this subject. There are a lot of misconceptions and incorrect statements in your posts. I don't think you are very informed about sexual health or else you would not assume that only people with several partners can contract an STI.

[Nyla]

I guess most people who does not like to date women/men with a too colorful sexual past is not about pregnancy or std's... is more about the special feeling we have when we have sex with a person we love... how can that be special if that person has been giving it away to anyone around looking half good .... I would just feel dirty if I would have sex with such a person... this is my turn off... everyone is entitled to have their own turn off...

 

Agree with you that no one should be insulting or feeling better than anyone else for what they do in their private life! I hate people who think are morally superior or better persons just because they don't screw around... As long as this people don't do anything to you... you are no one to judge them!

 

There is nothing wrong with having your beliefs or preferences. I don't try to tell anyone what they should want from a partner.

 

What I have an issue with is those who act like they are better than people who don't subscribe to their beliefs. Ignorant arrogance is disgusting.

 

I went to school with this staunch Catholic girl who waited until marriage for intercourse. She judged anyone who had premarital sex, yet she was giving her boyfriend blow jobs and such. What an idiotic hypocrite! Oral sex is still sex. She stopped judging people when she met her husband and she saw how hard it was to stop when heavy petting.

[Clockwork]

In a perfect world you are only with your husband when you get married and both waited until marriage. My wife and I did not. I was 20. She was 20. It was with different people and my wife lost her virginity to someone 10 years older. People can get manipulated, or be naive, or let their emotions get the best of them. You can subscribe to certain beliefs and still have a hard time maintaining them. It is called being human. The important thing is honesty and knowing that since the time you and your partner met that there hasn't been anyone else.

[dichotomy]

I can see others have pointed to somethings which I have come to as well. Ultimately in successful relationship it comes down to honesty and shared beliefs as they enter into the relationship, and not always past actions.

 

I don't know your past posts (I am new here), but if you were lied to, or your partner does not share you core cherished beliefs and lied to you about hers, then you have been very wronged and right to be angry.

 

We all have some core beliefs that are important to us.

 

Let me use an analogy. A woman is a life long supporter of PETA, a Vegan, and all around animal lover. She is open and passionate with this belief (duh), and may even have issue with others who are not (duh again for PETA). Now she meets a man, who while they are dating, says he likes vegetable and animals too, she falls in love, even perhaps married him, and she learns one of the follwoing things about her husband he has hid from her.

 

 

1) He ate meat for a long time, but felt ashamed in the end realized animals are our friends, and killing them wrong. He is so sorry, and wishes he only ate vegies his whole like, and is so happy and admires his PETA wife and shares he beliefs.

 

2) He used to eat some meat, enjoyed much of it, maybe even went hunting or fishing a few times, but after thinking about it, after meeting his wife to be and loving her, found it healthier ( if not necessarily more moral) to switch to be a veggie guy. No deep shame or regret over eating meat, just agrees this is a much healthier way to live to be a veggie guy with his wife. He is happy to be in this life, but does not wish to rock the boat with his wife by admitting his past meat life. He tires to be the best vegie guy he can for his wife.

 

3) He not only ate meat, but was an avid hunter, he loved it, he actually has no issues with having been a hunter, and felt it was a great life style. However once he met this woman,he started to give it up only for her, did it completely once they were married, but really he still believes it was a good thing to hunt and kill animals, but he says nothing because he wishes to be married to this woman.

 

All of these scenarios are forms of lying to his PETA wife - yes? He should have been honest before he married his wife about any of these - and allowed her the choice based on her love and beliefs. She would have the right to be hurt by him hiding this, angry. But really as we get to #2, and really only #3 do I see a real issue - shared beliefs in what is right and true for the person they love and that relationship.

 

Now I used PETA and the animal thing - because like causal sex - or belief in Jesus, or whatever, some people just have very different core beliefs - and others don't get it that belief.

 

You have the right to your beliefs, and if you are committing to another person you have the right to honesty and to know THEIR beliefs.

[DarrenK]

First my data is not wrong I will post it in this thread and yes it is the promiscous people that give and get stds at a MUCH higher rate !!and I'm not angry I'm smiling as iwrote this I'm just tired of this poor poor them don't judge them.and MEANDMYSELF I don't think your assessment of my so called anger is valid and in my own personal struggle I can post whatever I choose lol and there not all three the same ??ones personal asking advise ones about lying and ones about judgment and I feel that its perfectly ok to judge .and past mistakes are there for us to learn but it doesn't take me more then once to burn myself on a stove to know its hot !!so years of repeated mistakes yup you get judged and helm yeah I feel more well rounded then those types I've said before .and please look up the rates of sti's and how NUMBERS DO MATTER!! And the pregnancy issue is clear anyone can get pregnant but 90% at least know who the dad is and doesn't end up on morie pulivch lol anyways lighten up people and smile

 

I don't doubt that you are not the only person who would not want someone promiscuous.

 

This may come as a shock, but men have married prostitutes and strippers. Sometimes the women are so glad to have a good man that they are never promiscuous again. Anybody can change if they want to and I wonder why you don't believe in redemption. A person can make horrible mistakes and then come to realize that they can do better. Haven't you ever made a mistake and changed for the better?

 

Maybe you believe you are perfect purely because of your sexual choices. A human being has a lot more to him/her than how many people she/he has had sex with. You are reducing the value of a person to one factor and that doesn't make any sense.

 

All it takes is ONE partner to become pregnant or get an STI. Do you really think that those things only happen to promiscuous people? What about people who catch diseases from a cheating spouse or partner?

 

What constitutes a huge amount of partners is different for everyone. Some people think more than five partners is too many, other people are more forgiving about the number. Since most people lose their virginity sometime in high school and don't marry until late twenties or later, it is not inconceivable that a person can have more than five partners and still go on to have a happy marriage.

 

Honestly, I think that your anger at your wife is clouding your ability to have an informed opinion about this subject. There are a lot of misconceptions and incorrect statements in your posts. I don't think you are very informed about sexual health or else you would not assume that only people with several partners can contract an STI.

[DarrenK]

Ok I'm gunna say this bluntly yes men that USE WOMEN for sex as an object are nothing but *******s and women that are homewreckers are too !I'm not so right wing nut that's a narcissistic or rude !actually I'm saying I hate what happens to people as a result of this Behavior !my life got ruined as so many others ,people have died from sti's yesterday from slutty beahavior and yeah you can sleep with one person and get aids if that person was.....SLUTTY .I'm not a perfect guy nobody is but as the other guy posted I value the closeness and special act of sex ,and yeah I do judge others for it !if a women is sleeping around in a new guys bed everynight and useing peope as object its just sad and sick .call me whatever you want I'm one of the most loving amazing men on this planet I have given my life to helping victims of rape ,abuse,neglected ,addicted kids/young adults ...I'm a special needs foster parent and I donate money to help others ,I've seen change I help change !I give counseling to youth so don't assume you know me! Every judge ,attorney ,police officer,and DHS knows the work I've personally done and have awards for .....but I dont do it for that I do it for these kids young women used by men ,for the kids that grew up watching there mom have a new man everynight then go strip in clubs !I love people I love to help !! I actually believe that people can change can be forgiven but do confuse those that try to those that simply say there's nothing wrong with it ? And hey if you wanna attack me go for it I'm gunna keep smiling and helping people and you'll keep living life acting as these are not real issues regarding sexual behavior

 

There is nothing wrong with having your beliefs or preferences. I don't try to tell anyone what they should want from a partner.

 

What I have an issue with is those who act like they are better than people who don't subscribe to their beliefs. Ignorant arrogance is disgusting.

 

I went to school with this staunch Catholic girl who waited until marriage for intercourse. She judged anyone who had premarital sex, yet she was giving her boyfriend blow jobs and such. What an idiotic hypocrite! Oral sex is still sex. She stopped judging people when she met her husband and she saw how hard it was to stop when heavy petting.

[DarrenK]

Lol well that's your right buddy! My posts are not judmental to the average person I repect all races ,all genders,and gay strait or whatever and just you saying how I feel or putting words in my mouth those are your assumptions not reality my friend I treat people very loving ,just becase I say I judge or don't respect slutty behavior or men /women that use people as sex object does not make me feel above those that are more casual with sex I've never once said that al casual sex was evil or wrong lol never ! Its the lying ,the cheating ,the stds,the way out there sexual behavior that most do view as disturbing ..and in my situation I am still loving respectful to my wife ,I just was hurt by the lies and not having a choice to make. But keep saying I'm judgmental keeps saying I'm somehow wrong I guess most of society is then because its pretty universal .maybe you need to smile more and enjoy life instead of being being so judgmental of me ?

 

 

OTE=meandmyself;4540107]I guess I don't need to say anything else... your posts says everything about you..

You are going to be a very unhappy person with so much hate inside of you... I will not answer your messages anymore... I don't think many people do anyway...

[Nyla]

Ok I'm gunna say this bluntly yes men that USE WOMEN for sex as an object are nothing but *******s and women that are homewreckers are too !I'm not so right wing nut that's a narcissistic or rude !actually I'm saying I hate what happens to people as a result of this Behavior !my life got ruined as so many others ,people have died from sti's yesterday from slutty beahavior and yeah you can sleep with one person and get aids if that person was.....SLUTTY .I'm not a perfect guy nobody is but as the other guy posted I value the closeness and special act of sex ,and yeah I do judge others for it !if a women is sleeping around in a new guys bed everynight and useing peope as object its just sad and sick .call me whatever you want I'm one of the most loving amazing men on this planet I have given my life to helping victims of rape ,abuse,neglected ,addicted kids/young adults ...I'm a special needs foster parent and I donate money to help others ,I've seen change I help change !I give counseling to youth so don't assume you know me! Every judge ,attorney ,police officer,and DHS knows the work I've personally done and have awards for .....but I dont do it for that I do it for these kids young women used by men ,for the kids that grew up watching there mom have a new man everynight then go strip in clubs !I love people I love to help !! I actually believe that people can change can be forgiven but do confuse those that try to those that simply say there's nothing wrong with it ? And hey if you wanna attack me go for it I'm gunna keep smiling and helping people and you'll keep living life acting as these are not real issues regarding sexual behavior

 

I find your posts hard to read sometimes because of the run on sentences and lack of punctuation. This is not an insult, just an observation.

 

What if one of those kids that you foster or mentor ends up being promiscuous because of what was modeled to them growing up? Are you going to put them down and harshly judge them too?

 

Haven't you ever heard of people who are married and contract STI's from cheating partners? What about virgins who are naive enough to have unprotected sex and end up with a disease? While STI's do occur more often in promiscuous individuals, it is important to realize that all it takes is one partner.

 

When I worked at an agency which counseled prostitutes, the counselors were told that redemption and healing is always possible. I watched many prostitutes turn away from their self-destructive lifestyle and go back to school or get jobs. Some of them went on to marry and have children. I'm glad that some of them married men who did not look down on them for what they did in the past. Men who are evolved and compassionate enough to not judge women for their past are exemplary individuals.

 

You seem to focus more on women's promiscuity than men's. I hope you don't think that it is okay for a man to sleep around but not a woman.

 

Nobody is saying that you cannot judge or post ad nauseam about the same issue. Just be aware that you will receive some opposition based on the inconsistencies in your beliefs and your need to talk about promiscuity all the time, even though you are sick of hearing what others believe to be the truth.

 

Let me make this easier for you: If you cannot forgive your wife for lying about her sexual past, it is better to divorce her and move on to someone who is chaste enough for you. The poor woman probably lied because she knew she would be raked over the coals, but she loved everything else about you. I hope that if you divorce her, she can find a man who does not look down his nose at women for having a sexual past. Most men who judge women for sleeping around have slept around themselves.

[DarrenK]

Ok first I do judge men and women equally I don't like how they use others like you said a cheating spouse giving stds or men lying to get layed .and I'm sorry about my post seeming hard to read I use my phone and its a little outdated .

 

 

Now as for as forgiveness yeah everyone deserves forgiveness if they truly change absolutely .if you read my posts I say that !and you say my wife lied because of fear of fear of my horrible judgment ?

 

I have said this so many times its getting old again I treat my wife amazing and have never attacked her? I was hurt terribly bad by her lies and misleading .she was INCREDIBLY ABUSIVE TO ME!not the other way around .

 

 

I have said many times that I'm standingup for those that have been victims of lies ,manipulation and cheating . My main point is not to say I'm better than anyone I'm saying always defending those that acted in such destructive ways but attacking the ones that have been hurt .I'm also saying if you do drugs ,sleep around,do criminal acts ,whatever people will judge and who's to blame ?not society ?look maybe I should use a different subject as a example .drug use ,ok some will argue think its a persons right to use drugs its there life its there body and even if society doesn't like it or if it doesent hurt anyone but them.

 

Most peaple will judge that behavior in a negative light .I'm saying you will get judged by people. Now if that person gets clean and sober then yes people will forgiving and happy to encourage them in a positive way

 

I'm not saying I don't forgive ,I'm not saying I would not treat someone with respect but would I judge somone if they are currently an addict! Then yes so are police officers wrong to look at a persons past and judge character from it?are employers wrong because they judge based on work history ?are banks wrong from judging someone over poor financial responsibility ?they don't just look at the here and now?

 

I believe a person has every right to judge someone on there past if there going to spend there live with someone .and if you continue to act in such ways you will get judged ?

 

Sexual behavior is more important than financial ,drug use ,and criminal to some including me. And I will say this I don't disrespect or treat people different ,I don't attack people I'm saying simply if you do messed up think people have the right to judge .

 

I love how people are judging me and saying don't judge lol

 

I hate people that judge others for religion ,race,money,or image,

I don't do that but for poor behavior yeah I do and I'm ok with that so do most

 

 

.

I find your posts hard to read sometimes because of the run on sentences and lack of punctuation. This is not an insult, just an observation.

 

What if one of those kids that you foster or mentor ends up being promiscuous because of what was modeled to them growing up? Are you going to put them down and harshly judge them too?

 

Haven't you ever heard of people who are married and contract STI's from cheating partners? What about virgins who are naive enough to have unprotected sex and end up with a disease? While STI's do occur more often in promiscuous individuals, it is important to realize that all it takes is one partner.

 

When I worked at an agency which counseled prostitutes, the counselors were told that redemption and healing is always possible. I watched many prostitutes turn away from their self-destructive lifestyle and go back to school or get jobs. Some of them went on to marry and have children. I'm glad that some of them married men who did not look down on them for what they did in the past. Men who are evolved and compassionate enough to not judge women for their past are exemplary individuals.

 

You seem to focus more on women's promiscuity than men's. I hope you don't think that it is okay for a man to sleep around but not a woman.

 

Nobody is saying that you cannot judge or post ad nauseam about the same issue. Just be aware that you will receive some opposition based on the inconsistencies in your beliefs and your need to talk about promiscuity all the time, even though you are sick of hearing what others believe to be the truth.

 

Let me make this easier for you: If you cannot forgive your wife for lying about her sexual past, it is better to divorce her and move on to someone who is chaste enough for you. The poor woman probably lied because she knew she would be raked over the coals, but she loved everything else about you. I hope that if you divorce her, she can find a man who does not look down his nose at women for having a sexual past. Most men who judge women for sleeping around have slept around themselves.

[dichotomy]

You don't need to convince me or others what you believe is right for YOU and YOUR realtionship. It is what ever it is - you feel what you feel and believe what you believe. Others may not share this. But trust me when I say I have worked through something kinda similar with the help of a professional.

 

So can we get to the bottom line?

 

What would bring you peace... or allow you to cope and move on......in practical terms (given you can't change the past).

 

Can you state it simply and in a few words? What do you seek?

[DarrenK]

You don't need to convince me or others what you believe is right for YOU and YOUR realtionship. It is what ever it is - you feel what you feel and believe what you believe. Others may not share this. But trust me when I say I have worked through something kinda similar with the help of a professional.

 

So can we get to the bottom line?

 

What would bring you peace... or allow you to cope and move on......in practical terms (given you can't change the past).

 

Can you state it simply and in a few words? What do you seek?

 

First thanks for your very respectful response .ok well I have been seei.g a therapist for over a year once a week and seen a marriage counselor as well basically it boils down to this I love her I care for her and have tried to forgive her for her actions/lies/and treatment of me bottom line I'm unable to because moraly its a deal breaker and would have been from the start I want peace love respect TRUST and to know I'm with my soul mate.I wish her all the love in the world but the pains too deep inside so I'm not going to put anymore energy into it .

[dichotomy]

Thanks

 

So I can assume that she has not been willing to change (repent in my world) and do whats right for you and the marriage now?

 

In any case, I think perhaps because of your love/feelings for her in other ways, or maybe your vows, or maybe you don't normally fail in your commitments- you seek absolution or forgiveness or justification or approval from us here this board - to leave her - because your heart and soul can not bare the damage she did to you and herself ? Or because her core beliefs on love,sex and marriage - are still so radically opposed to your own - you can bare it ?

 

If that is the case - you have it from me. Move on, let her go, and find peace. I think once you move on, forgiveness can come - to her and for yourself.

[lattes]

I had been with far more than 20 women before meeting my wife, I know my wife had been with far more than 20 men.

 

Taking the flip side of the argument would be saying 'people who have not had sex with enough people before marriage are prudes who will all stray because they never got their ya yas out'

 

I think that lying about it was wrong, but that was one of the most disgusting displays of misogyny I have seen.

[Thegameoflife]

Lets explore this idea. First off, what purpose is there to this judgment? It sounds like you are using this judgment to justify treating these people with less respect and dignity. The next question is whether this is just? What affects do promiscuous people have on your life? I would say most have zero affect on your life. Billions of promiscuous people have existed, and only one has made problems for you so far. I would say judging billions of people for what your wife has done, is not just. It was also accepted by you that many of the people your judging were victims of sexual abuse, which had an affect on their lives, making them prone to this behavior. It could then be concluded that many of these people are victims. To cap it of, your judging a mass of people for what one or a few have done. Through this, you are treating these people with less respect and dignity, and essentially punishing victims of sexual exploitation. Well done sir.

[DarrenK]

I had been with far more than 20 women before meeting my wife, I know my wife had been with far more than 20 men.

 

Taking the flip side of the argument would be saying 'people who have not had sex with enough people before marriage are prudes who will all stray because they never got their ya yas out'

 

I think that lying about it was wrong, but that was one of the most disgusting displays of misogyny I have seen.

 

Lol right lol I view men and women the same !what I am saying is clear and easy to understand I would have never and will never date a women that's chosen to sleep around because sex to me is more then just causual and I'm glad you and your wife have similar pasts that's a great match .but I know plenty of women that would never date a man that's been with 20+women and doesn't make them judgemental or insecure its means they know what they want and don't.I don't think people that sleep around are horrible I just would not be a good match and I am disgusted by that lifestyle just as some would not date former drugies or criminal past. In fact id rather date a women with a drug past and criminal before a promiscuous past. And lying to trick someone to date you is the issue at hand .read the headline again its "if sleeping around is not big deal then why lie!!and people that only seek relationship /connection before sex don't have to later get there oh yeah babies out they are happy with the sex they have not wondering what variety feels like .

[DarrenK]

MISOGYNY !!!REALLY YEAH RIGHT !!if anything I actually respect women more then the jerks that just use them then move on I treat women with respect .I stand up aganist guys that play women I would never hurt a women or lead her on or as most guys do get them drunk to try and take advantage !I've never cheated never hit or abused a women .I'm a liberal threw and threw women are egual BUT yes me personally don't respect slutty behavior women or men most don't and never have !that being said I don't there horrible people just not someone I would date .and if a man or women lies to land a person because they know that person would run for the hills that WRONG!!!!

[DarrenK]

Lets explore this idea. First off, what purpose is there to this judgment? It sounds like you are using this judgment to justify treating these people with less respect and dignity. The next question is whether this is just? What affects do promiscuous people have on your life? I would say most have zero affect on your life. Billions of promiscuous people have existed, and only one has made problems for you so far. I would say judging billions of people for what your wife has done, is not just. It was also accepted by you that many of the people your judging were victims of sexual abuse, which had an affect on their lives, making them prone to this behavior. It could then be concluded that many of these people are victims. To cap it of, your judging a mass of people for what one or a few have done. Through this, you are treating these people with less respect and dignity, and essentially punishing victims of sexual exploitation. Well done sir.

 

Wow where did I evervsay i TREAT them horrible or disrespect them!!no I'm saying I avoid dateing them and this that slutty behavior is damaging as do most psychiatry docs! I'm nice to girls and guys that do such things I just find it revolting to thing how they choose to live .and the main point is IF YOU ACT IN WAYS LIKE THIS PEOPLE WILL JUDGE GET OVERVIT!!

 

 

Its not wrong to have standards and not want to date a drugie or ex con or ex prostitute !that's a sain person and yeah they get judged so stop trying to talk in circles and put words in my mouth

[Thegameoflife]

Not that I don't agree with your message but what you have done here is called a syllogism ... and is biased by the way you used your premises ...

One example would be

 

"Men is the only intelligent animal in the world

Women are not men

So women are not intelligent"

 

The error here is that I used Men in the first premise as a general term for all human being and in the second premise I used men as the representative of the male part of the human being... do you follow me so far?

You do the same when you say some promiscuous people are victims and then you say you that OP is punishing victims generalizing the fact that some are victims to all are victims....

 

After I left this clear...I totally agree with the message you wanted to put through!

 

Correct. I'm merely trying to illustrate that not all people who are promiscuous wanted to be there, but life molded them that way. As a result of condemning that behavior, he's condemning people who are essentially victims, creating further victimization.

[Thegameoflife]

Wow where did I evervsay i TREAT them horrible or disrespect them!!no I'm saying I avoid dateing them and this that slutty behavior is damaging as do most psychiatry docs! I'm nice to girls and guys that do such things I just find it revolting to thing how they choose to live .and the main point is IF YOU ACT IN WAYS LIKE THIS PEOPLE WILL JUDGE GET OVERVIT!!

 

 

Its not wrong to have standards and not want to date a drugie or ex con or ex prostitute !that's a sain person and yeah they get judged so stop trying to talk in circles and put words in my mouth

 

Put words in your mouth?

 

"I personally think women and men that sleep with tons of random people are the lowest of low and don't deserve respect or to be treated the same as respectable adults." -DarrenK

 

You're not talking about standards to date someone. This is just hating on people. Your first post is literally hate literature. You're just hating on promiscuous people based on your personal morals. If you don't want to date people like that, don't!

[DarrenK]

Correct. I'm merely trying to illustrate that not all people who are promiscuous wanted to be there, but life molded them that way. As a result of condemning that behavior, he's condemning people who are essentially victims, creating further victimization.

 

Guess what I don't give a damn what anyone thinks here !your obviously defensive and have done this yourself!!not all people that get molested act in such ways lifes about choices and making the right ones after mistakes! ok I want an answer to my questions to YOU smart guy! So if a rapest was raped he's justified for his actions?because in your love and llogic if I were to judge him for doing it sence he was raped he's a victim too right!!!I am a foster dad my foster son molested my biological daughter !!!is he still just a victim if he's an attacker!! He's was molested by his step dad so he's not to blame for his actions ?gang members that grew up around gangs he's not to blame when he comitts a crime! Or how about a abusive man grew up being hit and watching abuse we should not judge him if he becomes a abusive man? And studies show most serial killers have had severe mental truma growing up,and have frontal lobe damge in brain scans that shows limted impulse decision making ....so don't judge anyone for anything ??? And i already know your next captin save a ho question next !!but promisous women dont hurt anyone? BULLs**T they don't they use men for jobs money have children they can't raise ,they cheat ,they use sex as power and control and pass stds at a MUCH higher rate then your average girl !!!my issuses with men as well those scum bags are the type that are 23 trying to screw high school girls knock they up then disappear !!they look at women as objects and use them spit them out then brag to there buddies !what ?you think these guys don't deserve judgment ?really ??the women that are cheating on there husbands?don't deserve judgment ?men and women getting stds aren't gross??really ? Women that letter random strangers bang them are not trashy?really !!maybe your the women hater maybe your man because your this type I'm describing? Bottom line yup act like a slut male or female don't be suprised when people talk **** or think less !I respect classy women I respect good guys like ME that show women respect by not hurting them using them !

 

 

 

And even if you were abused/hit/around drugs as a kid doesn't make your actions not your own !!,and there's a reason doctors say women in the Porn industry are messed up cause they are and no I don't respect the actions NOPE! I guess all the guys in jail are not to be judged because most came from bad backrounds ...your logic is nuts

[CarboniteCammy]

OP- you obviously have alot of anger and people here are hitting your triggers by what they're saying to you.

 

People cannot change their pasts, but they can change the present. In your shoes, my concern with my marriage would be that my wife lied to me, not that she had a sexual history.

 

If she lied to you about her sexual past, what else is she being untruthful about?

 

I don't know if you're an active person, but sometimes physical activity such as going to the gym or taking a jog can help focus some of your negative energy into something positive. Doing something for youself like that gives you another outlet to focus on, which will help you obsess less, and maybe move on a little bit from this situation while you decide what to do.

 

I would suggest that if you're really hung up on the situation with your wife and if you can't honestly forgive her for lying to you, that you divorce her and start over with your life.

 

It would be a punishment for both of you to stay in that kind of unhealthy relationship.