How do you keep the spark alive?

[hotmamma]

I have been married for 7 years. I love my husband deeply, but I don't feel like I'm in love with him anymore. I mean, its hard to explain. I don't want to be with anyone else. I love him and I love our life together, but there's just no passion.

 

The first 6 years of our marriage, we had a great sex life. Nothing has changed in the last year. I am just BORED. We done EVERYTHING. And I do mean EVERYTHING. We are pretty uninhibited, and have done a lot of experimenting. Sometimes I think this might be the problem. Like, I feel... desensitized to things that most people would get turned on by. It seems to take more and more to get me turned on, and even more for me to be satisfied. Now it seems that nothing satisfies me.

 

I am scared, I don't want to ruin my marriage. My husband loves me and will do anything to make it work. I just don't know what I need. Its not like he is bad lover. He is wonderful. I am so scared. Please, anyone out there thats been married for a long time and kept that passion alive, please help me.

[EnigmaXOXO]

How are the "sparks" outside of the bedroom?

 

Do you cuddle, hold hands, exchange compliments and/or words of affection? Are you still best friends and confidants? Do you still 'play'...chase each other around the house like kids sometimes...joke, laugh, cut up and have fun? Do you have long talks and take an interest in what each other is thinking, doing and feeling?

 

Lot's of questions, I know. But if any of the above is lacking, then 'lust' and an 'exciting sex' is not what's lacking in your marriage. Your not 'bored'...rather it might be that you've become complacent.

[hotmamma]

Yes, we are both pretty affectionate. We snuggle in bed and when we're just sitting around on the couch. He is great about complimenting me - on my looks, as well as for doing a good job at work, with dinner, etc.

 

We are and have always been playful. We make up weird songs about our pets (A rottweiler, a chihuahua, 4 mice, 4 hamsters and a guppy), we do fun stuff on the weekends and we have lots of fun teaching each other new things. I am in insurance, and he is a contractor, so more often than not, our work is somehow related.

 

We really have a pretty great marriage. We've always seen eye to eye on our finances, and I know that is a sticking point for most couples. I remember bragging to my friends, just a couple of years ago, about how I still got excited when I heard his key in the door.

 

When he touches me now, its like I am being touched by my doctor. There is no excitement. Its like when your doctor does a breast-exam, you are just laying there on that cold table thinking how weird it is that this strange man/woman is feeling your boobs. But there is no sexual excitement. That's how I feel with my husband.

 

It hasn't come on over night. Its been a slow progression over the last year. My poor husband thinks its him, that I'm not attracted to him anymore. Granted, its not like it used to be, but I still think he is an attractive man.

 

Any other ideas? Anyone?

[EnigmaXOXO]

Rewind...take it back to the basics. Try to remember what it was like when your relationship was new, and all the sexy things the two of you did to seduce each other in the beginning. Touching, teasing, flirting…or just looking into each other’s eyes without saying a word. Have you ever sent him a sexy email or photo to brighten up his day at work? Or just called to say. . .

 

Creating intimacy should not always automatically lead to sex. Otherwise, it becomes predictable and mundane. Allowing the sexual tension between the two of you to increase gradually is, after all, what worked so well in the beginning. Pull out all your feminine wiles and seduce him, unmercifully . . . but do it over the course of several days WITHOUT giving into temptation. PLAY. If he gets frustrated and asks, what's up...then by all means tell him before he becomes suspicious! Ask him to play along, and make a game out of it.

 

Then, when the two of you have had enough, take it into the bedroom. But leave out the dildos, leather whips and chains. Just you and him. Take your time. For the first time in a loooooong time, make ‘love’ to your husband instead of just giving him gratuitous ‘sex.’ Then spend some time afterwards just touching and holding each other. Try to reconnect with that bond the two of you once shared.

 

Sometimes it’s the simplest solutions that work the best. But if getting back to the basics does not help in any way, than I am at a loss for any more ideas. Particularly if you have tried everything else and have admittedly become desensitized.