InThePinc Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 Hello, I'm just wondering how people who have been married for years keep the spark in their marriage. Do you make an effort to suduce your husband/wife? I've been married for almost 6 months and I dont want things to get stale if you know what i mean. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Minka333 Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 I see it from my parents. My dad has a great sense of humor and my mom loves it to bits. Even if they're in their 50's they still tease and playfully banter with each other. They often engage in fun debates and talk all day. Makes me chuckle coz' i find them still so connected. Plus my dad still sends flowers and loveletters to my her. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author InThePinc Posted November 4, 2012 Author Share Posted November 4, 2012 Aw wow they sound so happy and sweet! Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 Try new things together, in bed and out 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BetheButterfly Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 Hello, I'm just wondering how people who have been married for years keep the spark in their marriage. Do you make an effort to suduce your husband/wife? I've been married for almost 6 months and I dont want things to get stale if you know what i mean. That's an awesome question!!! I hope many people who have been happily married for many years will answer!!! My husband and I have only been married for one year, and everyone tells us we are still in the "honeymoon stage." I hope the honeymoon stage lasts forever!!! What helps us keep the spark ongoing is learning about each other and having fun even in the little things, like dancing in the kitchen and joking while we cook breakfast, and going out in the rain together to see how bad the weather is. My parents have been married for more than 36 years and I think their spark is in being best friends and letting each other be their own individual, yet at the same time viewing everything as a team. For example, my Dad is an avid fisherman... LOVES to fish. My Mom doesn't, yet she appreciates Dad's hobby and makes delicious fish suppers with what he catches, praising him as she does. My Dad beams. My Mom loves animals and has a little pack of dogs. My Dad is not crazy about that but because he loves my Mom, he has grown to care for the dogs and this in turn makes my Mom so happy!!! Romantically, my parents keep the spark alive by my Mom striving to control her weight and my Dad striving to keep attractive for my Mom. I know my Dad thinks my Mom is beautiful... I really appreciate it because especially on this forum, it seems many guys tend to devalue a lady when she is older. However, my Dad and Mom have been through a lot of hard times and awesome times together and have basically "fused" together as one. They are not perfect, but both strive to put each other first, which is one reason I believe they still have the spark and love for each other. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 To be honest, we are pretty childish and do random stupid **** all the time still. Last night I was pretending to be a vampire and was sucking his neck until he apologised for something stupid that didn't even need an apology. In the end, the kids told us to behave. So my main answer is to keep being spontaneous... whatever that looks like for you. The bedroom should always be interesting, that's obvious (though taking the hot hot loving outside can be VERY interesting) So saying, I think it is good to have some time apart too. I like to go on retreats on my own at least once per year. You come back refreshed and more appreciative of your partner, kids, work and all that stuff. Generally though I think we know when to leave each other alone. Both of us have a similar loner streak which means that we do need to have privacy from each other and this is both nurtured and respected. Take care, Eve x Link to post Share on other sites
Cb3657 Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 I know this will not be the popular answer but really the best way to think of a marriage in the long term is like waves, there will be down troughs, and there will be crests. the real key is to make sure you are true to yourself and manage your actions when things are bad. We all love the times when things are good and everyone hates it when things are bad but ultimately marriages used to last much longer due to the stigma of be a divorcee (male or Female) so people would work at marriages more during the low points. So many marriages split due to one partner not being able to tough out a down spell. I would say my marriage has had many more good times than bad (hopefully wife agrees) but there where definatly some times when either of us could have (with some justification) done some real damage. The only other thing I say is be 100% honest, transparent, and selfaware the privacy/independence thing is killer to long term marriages, when one partner has to hide a part of thier life no good will come from it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 It really is a challenge. I have been married for one year, with him for 3. We are in a stage now where we have learned most of the stories, history, etc. It's quite different from my first marriage, when we got together young and had a lot of the "firsts" of life to go through together. I know that can drive some couples apart, but in our case, it helped our bond and kept us sparky. In this marriage of middle age - I am constantly conscious about how to keep the spark. Inertia and falling into a stagnant comfort zone is a constant threat, mostly because my husband truly loves to be ensconced in his comfort zone and honestly can live without excitement in his life, happily. So he is not a full participant in "keeping the spark." It's mostly up to me. And I have my ways! Trying new things, abolishing stagnating habits, shutting down the computers, consciously initiating challenging discussions, staging surprises are among them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 Decide what's really important to you. If it's your R, you'll prioritise that over all the other stuff quite naturally. Link to post Share on other sites
SylviaFG Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 Hello, I'm just wondering how people who have been married for years keep the spark in their marriage. Do you make an effort to suduce your husband/wife? I've been married for almost 6 months and I dont want things to get stale if you know what i mean. My advice is to explore your sexualities together and keep going deeper into your knowledge of each other. I believe this is so important that you both have to be willing to WORK to keep the spark. It is no good just expecting it to stay without you doing anything. People who are complacent about sex and passion in their relationship tend to lose the spark. What my husband and I do probably wouldn't work for you but since you ask... I am excited by my husband being in charge in our marriage and keeping me on a tight rein. He is into being the man of the house and wearing the pants, and he's very bossy, so the sparks in our marriage have only got more and more intense, not less. We're not into bdsm or anything -- more like Taken In Hand really (or parts of that anyway). But this is *our* sexuality. You're probably different. But if you jointly explore together, you may be able to get better and better and making a spark the more yours you are together. It is not true at all that the spark goes out of every marriage. It has never gone out of ours. A couple books you might find interesting: *The Erotic Mind* by Jack Morin, and *Passionate Marriage* by David Schnarch. Link to post Share on other sites
seren Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 We are into our 27th year of being together and my heart still does flip flops when I see him. We have date nights, I send him an invitation to dinner, we both get dressed up in our glad rags, I set the table all lovely and nice, we have dinner by candlelight and afterwards dancing and snuggling and whatever else follows. Always remember that no matter what other label you earn, be it wife, mother, daughter, father, husband whatever, you and he are still individuals and the label of lovers should be hung onto with all that you have. I still apply lipstick and perfume before he comes home, even though I may be in my yard boots and full of dog hair and straw, he sucks his little Buddha belly in when I hug him (he thinks I don't know). I send him funny letters, cards and tell him how much he floats my boat, he picks me flowers, especially the first wild violets. Don't get into the habit of having your own chairs, I know it sounds odd, but a sofa for two encourages hugging and connection. We make each other laugh, I make allowances for him and he for me, it's all about balance. I once heard that marriage was like a roller coaster ride, no good if there are just highs as you need the lows to appreciate just how good those highs are. I try to remember that when we have a row and never go to sleep on an argument. We dance to the music in our heads often at the oddest times and in the oddest places. Great sex is great, but sustained intimacy is even better, make sure not to confuse the two and a special lingerie drawer is of course a must. x 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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