Marriage and Family Issues

[steve101]

My Wife and I have been married for 8 years this year. We have 3 beautiful children 7 years, 3 years and 9 months old. Ok here we go. Our sex life has always been initiated by me. She basically lays there while we have sex. Up until 2 months ago she told me that she will try and look at me like a best friend. I asked why? She said that when I make her angry if she sees me as her best friend it will make her not get angry at me. Most of the things she gets angry at me is is about our business we do or especially anything to do with the kids.We have had a lot of pressure with our 3 children and having no family close by it can be very hard. My Wife and I really don't have together time or she doesn't have her own time. She told me the other day that not right now but in the future what if we sleep in separate rooms.She said that you are a good father and I will never leave you but we could live together as a family but sleep in separate rooms. She could tell I was upset. She said not now but I know she is thinking of it. I tell you I was very upset when she mentioned this. I asked her why? she said she needs some space and sees me as her best friend. She told me she sees me everyday, she is with the kids everyday and she has no time just for herself.I am a very sensitive and affectionate person and she is not. Which she of course knows and doesn't want to see me upset. Her mother and father who live in another country have a relationship where they live in the same house but have no intercourse or passion towards one another. It wasn't like that all the time. My wife's father had a mistress many years ago and my wife's mother knew about it but let it go until one day she asked for divorce. They divorced he live outside of the house but years later came back home as the mistress used up all his money. So my wife's mother felt sorry for him and lets him back in the house.Ok back to my issues now. Just last night I started to massage her back and then tried to get her in the mood for making love. She said she doesn't feel like it. I asked her what the matter is and she said she doesn't feel like it. I said to her even when I try and touch you in certain parts you are not interested at all. She said I let you massage my back . It feels like I could massage her back or feet but when it comes to touching her she pushes me away why? Do you think all the pressure from running a business and looking after children every day is taking its toll or is it something else.

My wife is 36 years old and I am 35 years old. I could not bear the thought of living with out her. Especially my children I love so dearly. Please any therapists out there that reads this. I would love some serious help. I forgot to mention she has been doing allot of ZumMy Wife and I have been married for 8 years this year. We have 3 beautiful children 7 years, 3 years and 9 months old. Ok here we go. Our sex life has always been initiated by me. She basically lays there while we have sex. Up until 2 months ago she told me that she will try and look at me like a best friend. I asked why? She said that when I make her angry if she sees me as her best friend it will make her not get angry at me. Most of the things she gets angry at me is is about our business we do or especially anything to do with the kids.We have had a lot of pressure with our 3 children and having no family close by it can be very hard. My Wife and I really don't have together time or she doesn't have her own time. She told me the other day that not right now but in the future what if we sleep in separate rooms.She said that you are a good father and I will never leave you but we could live together as a family but sleep in separate rooms. She could tell I was upset. She said not now but I know she is thinking of it. I tell you I was very upset when she mentioned this. I asked her why? she said she needs some space and sees me as her best friend. She told me she sees me everyday, she is with the kids everyday and she has no time just for herself.I am a very sensitive and affectionate person and she is not. Which she of course knows and doesn't want to see me upset. Her mother and father who live in another country have a relationship where they live in the same house but have no intercourse or passion towards one another. It wasn't like that all the time. My wife's father had a mistress many years ago and my wife's mother knew about it but let it go until one day she asked for divorce. They divorced he live outside of the house but years later came back home as the mistress used up all his money. So my wife's mother felt sorry for him and lets him back in the house.Ok back to my issues now. Just last night I started to massage her back and then tried to get her in the mood for making love. She said she doesn't feel like it. I asked her what the matter is and she said she doesn't feel like it. I said to her even when I try and touch you in certain parts you are not interested at all. She said I let you massage my back . It feels like I could massage her back or feet but when it comes to touching her she pushes me away why? Do you think all the pressure from running a business and looking after children every day is taking its toll or is it something else.

My wife is 36 years old and I am 35 years old. I could not bear the thought of living with out her. Especially my children I love so dearly. Please any therapists out there that reads this. I would love some serious help. Also I forgot to mention she has been doing allot of Zumba fitness in the last couple of months and basically she wants to get back her figure like she had before children. I asked her that she was doing allot. She said that it was her way as well to try and not think of all of these things. I asked her for us to go and see someone like a counselor. She told me she doesn't need to talk to anyone and it will go by itself. That is why she is doing extra fitness classes as it blocks out her thinking of these issues. What do I do? If I keep asking her about what is wrong etc it makes it worse. Please someone help me and my marriage. I want to fix it. What to do! Could there be an underlining issue such as a hormone imbalance or early signs of menopause. Any help would be great.

 

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Thank you so much!

[KathyM]

Do NOT, under any circumstances, agree to separate bedrooms. That will be the beginning of the end of your relationship with her if you agree to that. Tell her you appreciate all the work she does for your family, but you don't want to see your relationship as a couple deteriorate, and that the lack of sex in your marriage concerns you because sex is a very important part of a healthy marriage, and intimacy is a way you need to express your love for her and to feel emotionally close to her. Tell her you want to work on this with her to resolve whatever is keeping her from having this important aspect of your marriage. Ask her if there is something you need to change. Get her talking about it more. Stress how important it is to you and to the marriage, and ask for her input into how you can both create more time for and interest in sex. If that doesn't get some suggestions or positive discussion going, then tell her you both need to consult with a counselor to resolve this, because this is too important of an issue in your marriage to let it go.

[wellwhynot]

Can you make her a little study or office or craft/hobby, even an exercise room? Not a bedroom, but somewhere she can have some space that is UNIQUELY hers. Where she can go and read a book or listen to music or watch some tv all by herself for a little bit? I agree that sep. bedrooms is not a good idea, but if she's surrounded all day, every day by young children she may be "touched out" and just need somewhere she can get 10 minutes of peace and quiet once in a while.