HurtinginVA Posted January 13, 2004 Share Posted January 13, 2004 Okay, Im pretty sure most of yall are familiar with <removed> and all. H and I did the Emotional Questionaire and the Love Busters one. (Right before New Years Eve). One of the things he mentioned was that I spend a lot of time online. I used to play a game (Neopets) and chat on MSN a LOT. Since Dday I have not chatted nor played any games. But I did find you guys My question is, does anyone's SO/spouse have a problem with you being on LS? Im not sure if it bothers my H or not......I dont think so since most of my LS time is in the morning before work(he's not home) and while Im at work. Though I would say I check posts once or twice in the evenings. Usually when Im smoking ~ the computer is in our "smoking" room (2yo son, try not to smoke around him and confine it to one room in the house). So, when I am checking posts and he is home, it's on "my" time ~ so what do you think? Should I cut LS out in the evenings? If I ask, he'll probably say it doesnt bother him, even if it does just a little bit because he knows I get good advice (caught him reading through all my PM's LOL). So lay it one me Link to post Share on other sites
steveb Posted January 13, 2004 Share Posted January 13, 2004 I come here probably twice a day. My wife doesn't know the URL, which is good because I can be open. What I make sure of, is that I do not "surf the net" when I could be toing things with her. If it is a project like looking up vacation plans or something, that is fine, but I do not want to "surf the net" when I could possibly make her think I would do that instead of be with her. Maybe if I had a laptop, it might be different. We do read books in the same room as eachother, wich I guess is similar to being online in reference to not communicating with her. But I need to go to the den to go online, and of couse, it always takes longer then expected. I would just think before you do it in the evenings. If he is busy doing something, then there should be no issue. Link to post Share on other sites
jester Posted January 13, 2004 Share Posted January 13, 2004 I want to let you on to a dirty little secret: LoveShack can be addictive, and sometimes harmful to psyches and relationships. I notice that very few couples post together or even apart. It's all individual. The problem is when the LS message board "community" becomes a spousal or relationship substitute or alternative. We're not talking about cars, here. Intimate, highly personal matters are frequently discussed with complete strangers in a public or, in the case of PMs, private setting. Energy and attention, that should be directed onto real world relationships, get diverted into artificial cyber-relationships. LS, in short, can actually be bad for some types of individuals in certain types of relationships. And I'm not just talking about a spouse learning of his or her spouse's posted comments. This is only for a small minority, however. But yes, LS, if taken to excess, can be hazardous to psychological and marital health. The law of unintended consequences at work. Just know your limits, and appreciate LoveShack's limits. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 13, 2004 Share Posted January 13, 2004 "But yes, LS, if taken to excess, can be hazardous to psychological and marital health." ANYTHING taken to excess can be hazardous to psychological and marital health. We deal with that every single day at LoveShack, helping people with problems ranging from sex and gambling addiction to porn and drug addiction. We help people disentangle themselves from addictive or adulterous relationships. LoveShack can only be a positive thing. If a personal user makes the choice to be here and participate in ways that are negatively altering to his or her life or marriage, that's not the fault of a dispassionate web address. People need to stop blaming inanimate objects for their problems and take on the responsiblity for their behavior themselves. I can think of thousands of addictions that can be so much worse than spending inordinate amounts of time on an Internet forum. Hospitals and jails are full of the addicts. LoveShack has helped thousands of people. You write that "LS, in short, can actually be bad for some types of individuals in certain types of relationships." Well, cars can be FATAL for some types of individuals (particularly drunks) in certain types of situations...and so can lots of other things. I don't see any good reason for telling people who are here seeking help that they may be in a place that's not healthy for them. For many people, the LoveShack family is the ONLY family and source of love and caring they have. It simply amazes me that a thread can go off topic as soon as the second response. It's simply amazing. The original poster was asking if LoveShack members' or visitors' spouses or partners have objections them using LoveShack. I'm not married but my initial response would be that if someone is using LoveShack at times and for durations sufficient to impact their relationship, that behavior is not good...but that has NOTHING to do with LoveShack. Most relationships that have Internet-related problems are damaged by overindulgence in pornography sites, according to surveys of divorce attorneys. Link to post Share on other sites
AprilFool Posted January 13, 2004 Share Posted January 13, 2004 I don't think my husband would like it one bit. Loveshack is my porn. I need HELP with hurt feelings. I was raised to talk talk talk it out, and I'm sure he'd rather me talk it out with strangers than my mom or friends. Like I read somewhere...I don't want to talk badly about my husband to people I know, for fear that they'll hold him in a bad light long after I've forgiven him. I NEED loveshack. I have to talk to someone. I could get a councellor maybe, but this seems to work for me. Besides, if he can look at porn knowing that I don't like it, then I can talk about our relationship, knowing he doesn't like it. If he wants me to stop, he'll have to give up porn, and I don't think he's willing to make that sacrifice. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted January 13, 2004 Share Posted January 13, 2004 Hurting If he's saying it, then he could be wondering if you're having a cyber-affair. After all, it's hard to believe that a relationship site could be that interesting, I guess - I've got at least one friend who thinks this place couldn't possibly hold her interest. Not that I gave her the name LOL. More importantly, though, he may be trying to tell you that he wants to spend more time with you!!! If your time on LS is taking you away from being with him, for sure stop the evening visits. You need to be spending time rebuilding your relationship with him - and there's always mornings Link to post Share on other sites
kettlecorn Posted January 14, 2004 Share Posted January 14, 2004 I showed my husband Loveshack before, and he thinks it is great. But then again, he is really understanding to the needs of a woman, and to the needs of individuals who are suffering or hurt (he is a social worker for a living). Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted January 14, 2004 Share Posted January 14, 2004 My partner thinks it's OK in moderation and if it helps me. He's looked at the site, but isn't really interested in it himself. I try to not look too often, because I do find it a bit addictive, and when I am at work , it can distract me from more important tasks! Link to post Share on other sites
Samson Posted January 14, 2004 Share Posted January 14, 2004 What "little" time I spend with LS has added to the pile of small but numerous problems my wife has with me. She's found posts not really meant for her to read, but my thinking is: How can anyone complain about what is written on a dis board? Ridiculous! Then I ask her to post............whoa, bud, "NO WAY!" is the response. Finally, I really don't give a flyin' fig what she feels is so wrong about posting on LS, I'm not going to spend "quality time" with my family in front of the TV watching reruns of "Golden Girls" the rest of my life. Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted January 14, 2004 Share Posted January 14, 2004 mine just thinks it's funny. he reads my posts once in awhile and teases me about flirting - or 'typing the font fantastic'. he posts on online game forums, mostly, so we sometimes compare and celebrate the weirdos. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted January 14, 2004 Share Posted January 14, 2004 ahhhhh Jenny.....Please 'celebrate me'.......LMAO!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted January 14, 2004 Share Posted January 14, 2004 Hurting......DAMN...you look like Cybil Sheperd. Can't spell the name.....but you know what I mean. it's a BIG compliment..... Link to post Share on other sites
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