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Old 4th August 2011, 8:53 PM   #1
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I'm a human husband -loving, lovable and imperfect

Hi all,

Some of you long-term regulars may remember me - the insecure and needy husband who needed to "grow a pair". Just search for idiot, insecure husband and you'll find my tale of self-discovery.

Well, I thought I'd check in and give just a very quick update:

Its over a year since I posted last, and I'm pleased to report that all is well. My new secure, confident, supportive, loving, and non-self-absorbed attitude has become an automatic and permanent reality.

My wife and I are closer than ever now so I'm here to tell you - you can teach an old dog new tricks (and have them stick)!! I seriously doubt we'd still be together if I had not changed my ways.

A BIG thank you to all of you here who helped me, especially Ronni W!!
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Old 5th August 2011, 12:43 PM   #2
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That's wonderful.

I remember that long thread. New members who have libido/intimacy issues should be made to read it. There's lot of good advice there.
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Old 6th August 2011, 10:29 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Afishwithabike View Post
That's wonderful.

I remember that long thread. New members who have libido/intimacy issues should be made to read it. There's lot of good advice there.

Thank you. Yes, it is an interesting (and LONG) thread, with lots of excellent advice.

For those that might be interested, here it is:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t159...light=highfive
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Old 6th August 2011, 12:10 PM   #4
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I am happy for you.

How did you achieve changing yourself?
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Old 7th August 2011, 3:35 AM   #5
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This gives me hope for my husband, I'm glad you managed to change for the better and are happy with yourself and your relationship
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Old 8th August 2011, 5:31 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lovelybird View Post
I am happy for you.

How did you achieve changing yourself?
Thanks,

I essentially had to re-program my thought and behavior processes. It was not easy, and did not happen overnight. The best way to learn the story might be to read the whole thread (listed above), but here is an excerpt that sums it up:

"I was acting like a self-absorbed, insecure, needy, boring IDIOT! My wife was NOT controlling or manipulating me; she was giving me much needed feedback that I had to stop the child-like behavior (that occurred from time-to-time in recent years) and to start acting like the man she married!

Looking back, I really don't know exactly what happened to me, but I definitely changed with time, especially over the last few years. I guess the old,
insecure me needed more attention and reassurance than my wife was able/willing to give, especially when the kids came along. I slowly became more and more resentful/paranoid/ insecure and pulled away from her, but last Fall, with the help of some great people here, I learned that my insecurities were MY PROBLEM, and that I had no right to expect others to help me get over them - that was my responsibility. This was a ground-breaking revelation that has really changed all aspects of my life. "

hth
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