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Dull marriage


Marriage & Life Partnerships Debunking the old-ball-and-chain stereotype one couple at a time.

 
 
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Old 6th July 2011, 6:50 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by nyc_guy2003 View Post
This sounds a lot like how I was feeling a few months ago. Given that I live in NYC, I have a lot of single friends my age who are going out every night, dating models, partying in the Hamptons, etc. And I felt like my life was comparatively boring for many of the same reasons as the OP's:

-wife works long hours as an attorney
-I do almost 100% of the household chores, partly because I am OCD about cleanliness and want things done my way
-our daily routine became very routine -- wake up, go to the gym, go to work, come home and eat dinner, sit around watching tv for an hour or two and then go to bed
-even weekends were kind of blah -- Saturdays wake up, shower, sex, lunch, follow wife to the office so she can catch up work that keeps piling up, order in at night, watch a movie, and go to sleep. Sundays repeat again.
-we have sex pretty frequently but over the last few months it's been for the purpose of procreation, so similar to the OP we mostly only did it in missionary to keep the sperm inside her
-wife didn't get fat but she did get out of shape and a little soft around the edges
-with the prospect of having kids within the next year or two looming overhead, I felt like we were just letting life in NYC pass us by, especially since we had the time and financial means to live it up now while we were young and childless.

A few weeks ago I actually decided to do something about it, so I took the following steps:

-Upgraded both of our wardrobes, including new sexy dresses for her that show off her body, some of which are so tight that she can't wear underwear which makes her feel even more sexy
-Started becoming more disciplined about going to the gym -- instead of going 2-3 times a week, we now go 4-5 times
-Make it a point to go out every weekend night, Friday through Sunday, and do something that would require us to dress up and look nice which boosts both of our self esteems. We also stopped going to all our usual hangouts and restaurants and are deliberately trying new neighborhoods and scenes that are out of our comfort zone.
-Made sex a little less routine, such as not coming until we've done at least 3 different positions, watching ourselves in the mirror, etc.
-Drew up a wishlist of activities that we want to do that require us to be social, such as taking a language class, going to wine tasting events, etc.
-Planned big trips including getaways to Canada, London, Paris, the French Riviera, and Hong Kong all in the next 6 months

All these little things have definitely helped break the routine and made life more fulfilling.
Thatís a lot of traveling. How the heck did she get that much time off?
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Old 6th July 2011, 8:29 PM   #17
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Originally Posted by Dust View Post
Thatís a lot of traveling. How the heck did she get that much time off?
We're both pretty senior on the corporate ladder so I have 5 weeks vacation and she has 4 weeks. And these trips aren't going to be like massive 4 week deals, more like 4-6 days per location.
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Old 9th July 2011, 11:08 AM   #18
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All is Not Lost

I take your mind back to your vows "For Better or Worst"

Now life in general is a challenge you have ups and downs, relationships are not different you have a problem you just need to learn how to apply the right strategy. Now what work for one person may not work for you.

So be patient and loving through this dilemma.

Here Are 5 Steps To A Turn Around.

1. Get inside your wife head.
Communicate with her, get inside her world, Find out whats going on in her head she might me depressed, stressed, "possessed just kidding".
So Talk to her in a gentle and calm manner.

2. Empathize with her.
Be genuine about it because ladies can easily detect whether or not your are being real. Let her know you understand and complement her for the hard work she is doing. whatever pain she is feeling you should feel it too.

3. Look at the world through her eyes.
As the husband you must try to see things the way she sees it.

4. Re position.
Now you made mention that the both of you work, do you work enough money to support the both of you. or is it vital that she works. If you are working enough money then I would suggest that she quits her job and get another job that less demanding. no amount of my is worth your happiness.

5.Move Forward.
Don't allow this to continue any longer, do a paradigm shift, and take your relationship to a new level of love, admiration, and romance. Spice up your marriage, there are over 100 over love making positions to be explored and many more to be created.

Hope this helps

Last edited by powerplay; 9th July 2011 at 11:10 AM.. Reason: ready, set and go
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