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My husband stays out all night long

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Old 5th November 2003, 12:36 PM   #1
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My husband stays out all night long

Hi all, I am new here and need some advice. My boyfriend has lived with me for 6 years. We call each other husband and wife. We have had custody of his two children for 4.5 years. I am 16 years older than him.

Here is my problem, when he goes out, which is frequently, he very often will stay out all night long, coming in at 7am the next morning. Is this acceptable in a relationship. I had a very bad first marriage, where my husband was never home and finally left me for a younger woman and then he passed away.

I have come to the realization that I have no idea how to be in a relationship. My boyfriend also seems to spend a lot of time away from home and I spend a lot of time alone. I don't want to be his jailer but when he stays out all night I feel fear, anger and resentment. We usually have a horrible row when he gets in, with me starting the fight. What should I do?
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Old 5th November 2003, 1:02 PM   #2
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solution: lose his sorry arse

No, his behavior is completely unacceptable. Your home is not a hotel, where he can stay out all night, then come home to sleep. If you went through this with your ex husband, you know that this kind of crap is not respectful or good for your relationship.

Where is he when he's out all night? Can you even trust him? How do you know he's not spending the night with some chick? How do you know he's not possibly bringing home some sexually transmitted disease or HIV, to you?

Doesn't the guy have a job? What's he doing out all night? What kind of father is he, if he's staying out all night? He sounds like a dud.

So what is causing you to feel you need to tolerate this disrespect and childish, selfish, rude behavior? Don't you think you deserve BETTER? YOU DO!

The longer you tolerate this, without putting your foot down and telling him to get with the program or GET THE HELL OUT, the more he'll take advantage of you, and your trust.

Feeling angry, hurt and resentful is understandable. You are not wrong there.

And if you've been together so long, why aren't you married? Why hasn't he made a solid commitment to you, especially considering the fact that you're helping to raise HIS CHILDREN? Sounds like you're being taken for granted, and advantage of.

If it were me, I'd tell him to get a grip and start acting like a man/partner.........and if nothing changed, I'd change the locks and toss his sorry ass out. Course things could be a little more complicated because his children are there.

What is his age?

Does he work? Does he fairly help to support, or contribute financially to this relationship? Or is he out all night partying it up, not holding down a job, being an irresponsible dickhead..while you support all of you?

More info, please.
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Old 5th November 2003, 1:24 PM   #3
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Thanks for your advice. He does work, but his job is very flexible, driving a tow truck and moving cars from auctions. He seems to be able to stay out all night long and then work the next day.

I am glad to see that I am just not being unreasonable. I am at the point of telling him to hit the road.

I am tired of the immaturity and irresponsibilty.

BTW I am 51 and he is 35.
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Old 5th November 2003, 1:30 PM   #4
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you deserve so much more

So....where is he at, when he's out all night? Out drinking? At bars?

You deserve a man who acts like a man......who faces up to his responsibilities.....who can be counted on, and trusted.

How does he explain this assholish behavior? Does he try and justify it?

People will treat us exactly the way we allow. By putting up with his BS, you're sending him a loud and clear message that even though you don't like it, you will accept it.

How long has this been going on for?

Could he be cheating?

You should kick him out. I think you're being taken advantage of. If he cared about you, he would know that this is the kind of behavior you had to endure with your ex husband..and he wouldn't want to put you through that kind of misery.

Be strong, love yourself and refuse to settle for less.
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Old 5th November 2003, 2:05 PM   #5
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Well, I know what he's doing out all night. He's either:

a) drinking
b) boffing babes
c) drinking and boffing babes

Smart money is on "c".

Is this acceptable in a relationship? HECK NO!!!!

Any chance he is using you as a live-in babysitter to take care of those two kids of his while he is out living it up?

And BTW, please don't call yourselves husband and wife. That is putting ties on you which don't need to be there. Kick him out or leave - whichever makes sense - put your life together, and find a man who will spend time with you gladly. They are out there. Good luck!
And mother always told me
Be careful of who you love.
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Old 6th November 2003, 6:56 PM   #6
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[QUOTE]Originally posted by ArdeaCandidissima

Any chance he is using you as a live-in babysitter to take care of those two kids of his while he is out living it up?

I'm with ArdeaCandidissima on this one Oz. Think about it. Here's a young man who believes he can do whatever he wants, whenever he wants to for as long as he wants to and you will still be there when he comes home. You're taking responsibility for his children.

Take a look at the definition of a loser next time he walks in the front door and head out the back.
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