start-fresh Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 I thought this topic would have been heavily discussed, but I didn't really see much. How do those of you with successful marriages deal with it? More specifically a large disparity. I had a different thread in dating about my ex and the fact that she made quite a bit less but more importantly wasn't taking any steps to improve her situation. I just worried very much that I would grow to resent her for it when essentially the spending if we got married some day would be equal, but I would be contributing so much more. I just think of how it limits our opportunities of where we can live because of cost of living, etc. I know it sounds shallow and I'm really trying to grow up and get over what kind of seems like an unnecessary obsession with money over love. Or, maybe find out how money issues have helped/hurt successful marriages. Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 my H and i have our money, his money, and my money. i make 1/3 of what my H does. he owned our house he met me, and he continues to do the mortgage- out of our account. he pays his car payment- out of his account. the utilities come from our account i pay the cell bill and buy groceries from my account. stuff like that. it works for us for now. Link to post Share on other sites
Jack & Coke Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 To be honest man, if you want to get married you have to let that sh*t go. If she's working hard, but happens to make less money, cool. And if she's not super motivated in the workplace, you'll need to decide if that's a deal breaker for you or not. If it's not, just make sure she makes up for it by pulling her weight in the household and helping keep things on track in other areas. Me personally, I made a decent amount of money, and more than my wife, but her contribution definitely gives us some breathing room. We could make it on my salary alone, but things would be a LOT tighter. At the same time, I took it upon myself to do some extra freelance type work to make sure we're comfortable. As the man, I just kind of have a captain mentality, that if we fail it's my fault, so I don't mind her making less. Just make sure your woman is a smart spender and a team player, that's the most important thing. My wife has been down for the hard times, sometimes even ridiculously hard times. Like, if I said "Babe, we have $30 to last us the rest of the week, so don't spend anything out of the account because it'll overdraft." She trusted me and stuck to the gameplan. That kind of quality is more important than how much she earns imo. Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 I make about 98% of the income in our household. To me, the most important thing is that both partners contribute towards the common good and shared goals. The contribution doesn't have to be financial. So in your case, how I would view the situation would depend on what lies behind 'she's not taking steps to improve the situation'. But yes, it is of course limiting in several ways to live off one income only, or one main and one very small income. That's a choice to be made, or not. I don't think that's shallow, it's an issue of finding someone you're compatible with in terms of financial outlook and desired lifestyle. Link to post Share on other sites
soserious1 Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 Money should be completely shared. You are a complete team of ONE person when you are married. Always ask for large purchases. We almost always do that on ANYTHING over $5!!!! Some make think this is silly, but money issues can be greatly avoided if you just talk to one another and not be greedy. Look towards the common good of the household, marriage, and children. Unfortunately though when it comes time to earn that money there's often 1 person doing ALL of the heavy lifting. Sorry but I was the sole bread winner in my marriage, I'll be damned if I'm going to ask permission to spend $5. Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 Unfortunately though when it comes time to earn that money there's often 1 person doing ALL of the heavy lifting. Sorry but I was the sole bread winner in my marriage, I'll be damned if I'm going to ask permission to spend $5. And in some cases, the person at home is doing ALL of the work there too. So, the SAHM or SAHD should not have to ask to spend five bucks either. Link to post Share on other sites
soserious1 Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 (edited) And in some cases, the person at home is doing ALL of the work there too. So, the SAHM or SAHD should not have to ask to spend five bucks either. that's why I'm thrilled to be divorced,I don't have to deal with these hassles anymore. I took care of the house while I was married, it's a LOT less work now that I'm divorced. It seems that the object my stay at home husband was best at cleaning was my wallet. Edited March 16, 2011 by soserious1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts