Encouraging my wife to cope

[jsb58]

Hello,

I am new here. I don't know whether this thread belongs here or on the Coping part of this forum. I will try here if that is ok.

 

My wife and I have been married for three years. Things are great with our relationship, I have no complaints about that. I have no complaints at all, but I don't know how to help her.

 

My wife is wound tighter than a 10-day clock. She is not irritable with me, but she always seems to be under a lot of stress and she never seems to really relax. She relaxes when we have sex, and we have sex very regularly. In fact, I think that she uses our sex to relax. Even that I have no complaints about but I do not know how to help her cope with her stress better. I am afraid she will have a heart attack if she doesn't learn to handle the stress better.

 

She does things people normally do for stress relief but that doesn't help. She exercises and does things for herself with her friends. The stress is something that can't be avoided unfortunately and it won't go away. She needs to learn to cope with it and I want to help.

 

I'd like to read whatever ideas you have for us, thanks.

[Linda9999]

First of all, you cannot force someone to relax. She has to WANT to. Does she? Does she acknowledge she has a problem? Or is it just you who thinks she does?

 

Besides sex, does anything help her relax? Has she tried meditation? Smoking something? Medication? Has she seen a dr. about it? There are certain medical issues that can do that I believe.

[xxoo]

Does she acknowledge her anxiety issues? Is she motivated to change it?

 

You can express your concern, and offer your perspective. Tell her that you believe her constant worry is greater risk to her than anything she is worrying about. Offer to help her explore ways to feel more at peace, including medical help as indicated. But change is something she has to choose for herself.

 

Is there a problem with her using sex to relax? I definitely use sex to destress and get a break from my daily worries. I'm lucky enough to be in a loving relationship where sex is available to me, so I don't see it as a problem . Go figure, neither does my H!

[TaraMaiden]

It sounds like you have a fairly relaxed approach to most things and would almost like her to be like you, with your attitude.

Have you asked her if her stress coping mechanisms bother her, or whether she feels they are adequate or successful? Does she see herself as stressed, or is this your perception?

What you see as highly stressed, she may thrive on...or it may be a norm she neither wants to change, nor do anything about.

I would discuss this with her.

She may not need as much 'fixing' as you believe....

[jsb58]

She acknowledges it, realizes that it is a problem but says that it is what it is. The situation cannot be changed. We try to do things together to get away and decompress but it takes her awhile to really relax, and even then she seems preoccupied at times. No way she would accept medication. She won't even take vitamins.

 

LOL, I don't mind the stress relief sex at all.

[Darth Vader]

Hello,

I am new here. I don't know whether this thread belongs here or on the Coping part of this forum. I will try here if that is ok.

 

My wife and I have been married for three years. Things are great with our relationship, I have no complaints about that. I have no complaints at all, but I don't know how to help her.

 

My wife is wound tighter than a 10-day clock. She is not irritable with me, but she always seems to be under a lot of stress and she never seems to really relax. She relaxes when we have sex, and we have sex very regularly. In fact, I think that she uses our sex to relax. Even that I have no complaints about but I do not know how to help her cope with her stress better. I am afraid she will have a heart attack if she doesn't learn to handle the stress better.

 

She does things people normally do for stress relief but that doesn't help. She exercises and does things for herself with her friends. The stress is something that can't be avoided unfortunately and it won't go away. She needs to learn to cope with it and I want to help.

 

I'd like to read whatever ideas you have for us, thanks.

 

 

This stress, where does it come from? From work? Family problems? Isolate the stress factor/s at it's source and attempt to reduce the stress in those areas, if possible. It sounds like she's got too much on her plate, that's what I get so far.

[quankanne]

encourage her to find a means of meditation – be it prayer, music, art, fishing ... something that mentally and spiritually takes her away from the stresses of her mind that she can return to. Er, kinda like your sex life, but that she can do in public without censure! :laugh:

[jsb58]

encourage her to find a means of meditation – be it prayer, music, art, fishing ... something that mentally and spiritually takes her away from the stresses of her mind that she can return to. Er, kinda like your sex life, but that she can do in public without censure! :laugh:

Thank you, we are trying to find something she will enjoy. I am also encouraging her to find a forum or support group to learn about how others deal with what she is experiencing.