HokeyReligions Posted September 4, 2003 Share Posted September 4, 2003 Someone posted a statment/question in another thread. Its been discussed before, but hasn't been phrased quite this way before. One of the "top of the list" reasons on why marriages break up involves sex. There are a lot of people here posting their heartbreak and frustration and anger over their sex life. Lets assume we are talking about marriage and not co-habitation - thats a whole 'nuther topic. Do you think SEX is more important than MARRIAGE? I used to be of the opinion that one could not exist without the other. But I feel much differently now. Link to post Share on other sites
Leikela Posted September 4, 2003 Share Posted September 4, 2003 Interesting topic Hokey... I wouldn't say that EITHER is more important. I think they go hand in hand. When you're married to someone, you make a committment to love one another for all eternity. Part of loving someone and showing them is by making love. I feel this is an important PART of marriage. I don't view SEX and MARRIAGE as two separate entities. From my own experience, making love to someone who you actually love is a much better experience. It is fufilling in so many more ways. It leaves you with a glow of happiness, where sex with someone you don't particularly care about can leave a person feeling empty and lonely. So to me, sex is a very important part of a committment to someone. Sex is crummy without it. Also, being in a committment to someone and not having sex would be unfufilling to me. It wouldn't feel like a union at all. If I wanted no sexual intimacy, then I would just shack up with a friend. This is how I feel now though at 27 years of age. This is how I choose and prefer to relate to my boyfriend NOW. Who's to say that won't change when I'm older and sex isn't as important to me. I think after child bearing years, views/needs on sex change as our hormonal levels change. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted September 4, 2003 Share Posted September 4, 2003 sex is good ... really, really good, but I don't think it's the be-all, end-all of a marriage. There has to be something more that's holding a committed relationship together, a hodge-podge of love and respect and commitment, and sex is the "gravy." what happens when something changes and sex isn't available to that couple anymore, or at least isn't as frequent or as satisfying? Do you sh*tcan the relationship, or do you find a way to work it out? And when it's completely gone, what happens then? Factors vary: pregnancy, stress, mental illness, mental illness, chemical addiction, physical distance, etc. I thought that when you married someone, that gave you all access, all the time, to a sex life. But real life happens, and if you're lucky, you come to realize what you're made of, that you CAN survive without having sex as often as you like. The secret is knowing and showing how the love aspect of your relationship stays intact. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted September 4, 2003 Share Posted September 4, 2003 I never believed it's an either-or. Sex and marriage are inextricably intertwined, which is why when the sex is in trouble, the marriage can be, too. And vice-versa, of course. Dr. Phil says 'sex is not a big issue in a marriage when you're having it but it is a HUGE issue if you're not'. Link to post Share on other sites
jalexy Posted September 4, 2003 Share Posted September 4, 2003 i kinda wish sex wasnt a "requirement" in marriage. meaning, if you arent having or dont feel like it ever so often, you wont feel like something is wrong with the marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted September 4, 2003 Share Posted September 4, 2003 if you arent having or dont feel like it ever so often It's a matter of frequency and quality. 'don't feel like it every so often' is very different from 'no sex or any other physical contact at all for months'. It's the latter that signals trouble. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HokeyReligions Posted September 4, 2003 Author Share Posted September 4, 2003 These are GREAT replies! Thanks all -- I hope more people post too, I'm going to save this thread for future reference. Quankanne - I laughed when I read your post! not at the quality of the content, but just that you put "mental illness" in twice in a row! LOL! Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted September 4, 2003 Share Posted September 4, 2003 didn't catch that one, it was supposed to read "physical illness, physical illness" Link to post Share on other sites
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