I rekindled the spark in my marriage in an odd way

[BigArms]

I've been married for over 18 years, the last 10 which were the poster-child case for drifting apart. After 2 kids, demanding careers, and disdain that comes from resentment: the sex ground to a halt and became for her a mechanical chore (at least that's the way it looked to me).

 

Throught a series of events that are not important here, I started a cycle of anabolic steroids about 6 months ago for the first time. The effects were amazing, of course, but my libido reached heights I had forgotten existed. I was not just horny, but I was extremely horny all the time.

 

But it wasn't just "let's have sex" type of horniness. Even after sex, I wanted to hold her close to me when we would be watching TV, or I'd want to hold her hand when we would be walking together. I kept telling her how damned HOT I thought she looked all the time (and I meant it 150%). I just couldn't get enough of her.

 

The effect was interesting. In about 2 months, our marriage did a 180° turn. We were having amazing sex several times a week, we were texting love messages to each other all the time .. I think it's because she started to rock my world again, but more importantly: she knew she was doing it.

 

I suddenly realized that our relationship changed completely as a result of things I did. There was no cooperation. She responded, yes, but she wasn't called to action. I sat down and thought about what exactly changed the dynamic of our relationship. When I tried to be attentive to her in the past, did it seem like my actions were contrived or forced back then? Is that why my efforts always failed? While now they're fueled by genuine desire to please her? Did my advances to her in the past come from a place where I myself was lacking passion without realizing it? While now I'm on fire?

 

Is that why affairs or divorces (so you can find another partner) are so prevalent? Could be that what we look for is some sort of rekindling of passion at some level. And when we meet a new person, we feel that incredible desire which then leads to attentiveness and passion towards the other person.

 

I'm not saying I have the answer here or anything. I'm definitely NOT recommending anyone take chemicals so please don't go there in your responses. I am saying that maybe, just maybe there is something a spouse can do unilaterally to change the dynamic of the relationship. My cycle has ended, and so I'm keeping the passion alive with the momentum of what I have begun. But I wonder if I could have effected this change on my own.