Is it just physical??

[vangel2]

Ok. So I thought about this subject for awhile, but here's the question:

 

When someone has a physical affair, is it just purely physical?? When having sex with someone, isn't it considered being intimate with someone? By my understanding, intimacy is defined as being a feeling of belonging to one another?

 

When someone has a physical affair, don't most have to get to know each other & spend time with one another before having sex?

 

Yeah, I know that in this day & age, more people are starting to have sex with people they hardly know, but I think it's different when someone whose married or in a relationship, would have a different approach when it comes to infidelity. Just a thought.

[asireen]

I think it depends on each individual and the relationship. I have had varied amounts of emotional involvement with my partners, ranging from none to a lot.

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

I think some men will tell the BS it was just physical because as devastating as that is, for some BS's it's even more devastating to hear that their H has feelings for someone else.

[Mr. Lucky]

I think some men will tell the BS it was just physical

I think this excuse is used by both sexes. But I do agree that the emotional connection the AP's might have can be harder for the BS to forgive than the PA. Most of us would be more forgiving of a one-night stand than we would of a long-term A...

 

Mr. Lucky

[WARREN86]

I think it depends on the situation. Sometimes, physical affairs results from the lack of sex in the current relationship so he/she gets it elsewhere. In some cases, it could be both physical & emotional affairs, depending if the person is sharing intimate details & moments w/ someone other than their significant one. Believe it or not, sometimes sex is just sex & all it takes is the physical attraction to start that affair and nothing more.

[redtail]

Interesting question. In my humble opinion, when an affair leads to sex, there is most definitely emotion there. The "connection" is part of the allure. However, having been the victim and not a particapant, I can't say that I know first hand.

 

But that's only because you mentioned sex during an affair and not just sex in general. I believe there are situations where there is sex with no connection nor an emotional attachement. Sex with a prostitute comes to mind.

[Lizzie60]

I think some men will tell the BS it was just physical because as devastating as that is, for some BS's it's even more devastating to hear that their H has feelings for someone else.

 

It is strange that a man will tell his W that it was ONLY a piece of azz.. so that their W doesn't think that he was emotionally involved...

 

BUT

 

A woman will tell his H that she was attracted to the OM only because she felt an emotional connection but NOTHING physical..

[Snowflower]

It is strange that a man will tell his W that it was ONLY a piece of azz.. so that their W doesn't think that he was emotionally involved...

 

BUT

 

A woman will tell his H that she was attracted to the OM only because she felt an emotional connection but NOTHING physical..

 

How true! And I've seen this over and over again on these boards...a BW who believes that the OW meant nothing to her husband because it was 'just for sex.'

 

And the opposite, husbands who underestimate the EA their wife is having because there was no sex involved. Men, in general, don't seem to understand EA's...either their own or their wives. If a man is involved in an EA, he likely tells his wife (and himself) that it is no big deal because he didn't have sex. Men also often think the same way about a wife's EA...they see it as a harmless crush and then are devastated when their wife leaves for the OM.

 

If each gender didn't think about EA's/PA's differently, then what Lizzie said above wouldn't be seen here on LS over and over again!

[vangel2]

How true! And I've seen this over and over again on these boards...a BW who believes that the OW meant nothing to her husband because it was 'just for sex.'

 

And the opposite, husbands who underestimate the EA their wife is having because there was no sex involved. Men, in general, don't seem to understand EA's...either their own or their wives. If a man is involved in an EA, he likely tells his wife (and himself) that it is no big deal because he didn't have sex. Men also often think the same way about a wife's EA...they see it as a harmless crush and then are devastated when their wife leaves for the OM.

 

If each gender didn't think about EA's/PA's differently, then what Lizzie said above wouldn't be seen here on LS over and over again!

 

When I had an emotional affair (I do have a thread about this) due to my husband inability to fulfill my emotional needs, he said he'd rather I'd had a physical than an emotional affair. This is why I posted it on here, because I think that when having an affair, it involves more intimate moments (which is considered EA) & then it has the potential to lead to physical. It never got physical, I ended it before it escalated it (this is all over the phone & the guy lives 5 states apart) & told my husband the whole truth (although all of my friends told me not to tell him) but I felt he had the right to know. My husband left me and we've been back and forth about whether he should be with me or not. If you follow my thread, my husband has mistreated me for a long time & he still doesn't take any responsibility over the fact that he was neglecting me when it came to my emotional needs. I'm sorry, I'm a woman, & I became vulnerable to this OM because he was saying all the right stuff. But now that it's over, I totally regret it.

[Vet]

It's definitely possible to have a purely physical sexual connection devoid of all emotion, but I get the feeling that the real question of your thread is which is worst, physical or emotional. I think any betrayal of the trust of your spouse is equally painful, whether it exhibits itself in an emotional or physical way. Just because a knife leaves a differently shaped scar doesn't mean it didn't hurt the same. The absence of that trust is what hurts, not the affair, at least in my experience.

[vangel2]

It's definitely possible to have a purely physical sexual connection devoid of all emotion, but I get the feeling that the real question of your thread is which is worst, physical or emotional. I think any betrayal of the trust of your spouse is equally painful, whether it exhibits itself in an emotional or physical way. Just because a knife leaves a differently shaped scar doesn't mean it didn't hurt the same. The absence of that trust is what hurts, not the affair, at least in my experience.

 

Good point.

[vangel2]

How true! And I've seen this over and over again on these boards...a BW who believes that the OW meant nothing to her husband because it was 'just for sex.'

 

And the opposite, husbands who underestimate the EA their wife is having because there was no sex involved. Men, in general, don't seem to understand EA's...either their own or their wives. If a man is involved in an EA, he likely tells his wife (and himself) that it is no big deal because he didn't have sex. Men also often think the same way about a wife's EA...they see it as a harmless crush and then are devastated when their wife leaves for the OM.

 

If each gender didn't think about EA's/PA's differently, then what Lizzie said above wouldn't be seen here on LS over and over again!

 

I think my husband thinks more like a woman when it comes to this. He thinks it's worse when a woman has an emotional than a physical affair. EA deals with the heart & spirit, whereas, physical deals with just the body. That's why I kept asking myself, is physical affairs can be just purely physical? I don't know about you, but sex is all intimacy. You have to have chemistry & connection, right? I think when it comes to being truely physical is when it comes to prostitutes.

[vangel2]

It is strange that a man will tell his W that it was ONLY a piece of azz.. so that their W doesn't think that he was emotionally involved...

 

BUT

 

A woman will tell his H that she was attracted to the OM only because she felt an emotional connection but NOTHING physical..

 

I definitely agree with that.

[vangel2]

Interesting question. In my humble opinion, when an affair leads to sex, there is most definitely emotion there. The "connection" is part of the allure. However, having been the victim and not a particapant, I can't say that I know first hand.

 

But that's only because you mentioned sex during an affair and not just sex in general. I believe there are situations where there is sex with no connection nor an emotional attachement. Sex with a prostitute comes to mind.

 

This is what's been going on in my head over and over again. Yes, I was only referring to affair related situations.

[Snowflower]

I think my husband thinks more like a woman when it comes to this. He thinks it's worse when a woman has an emotional than a physical affair. EA deals with the heart & spirit, whereas, physical deals with just the body. That's why I kept asking myself, is physical affairs can be just purely physical? I don't know about you, but sex is all intimacy. You have to have chemistry & connection, right? I think when it comes to being truely physical is when it comes to prostitutes.

 

 

Speaking as a woman, I agree with what your husband says that an EA deals with the heart and soul of a person. That is what makes it so destructive to a marriage. I think your husband is one of those men who can understand the significance of the emotional connection.

 

Yes, I think there are cases where sex can be purely physical in an affair, at least for a short time. Flings or brief affairs come to mind.

 

I still think men and women tend to view sex and emotions differently.

[WARREN86]

Speaking as a woman, I agree with what your husband says that an EA deals with the heart and soul of a person. That is what makes it so destructive to a marriage. I think your husband is one of those men who can understand the significance of the emotional connection.

 

Yes, I think there are cases where sex can be purely physical in an affair, at least for a short time. Flings or brief affairs come to mind.

 

I still think men and women tend to view sex and emotions differently.

 

I don't understand Vangel's husband can understand the whole concept of EA but doesn't realize that physically hurting her scars emotionally as well. It seems like her husband is also making her feel really guilty for having an EA but you don't see him taking any responsibility over his actions which lead her to having an EA in the first place.

[Snowflower]

I don't understand Vangel's husband can understand the whole concept of EA but doesn't realize that physically hurting her scars emotionally as well. It seems like her husband is also making her feel really guilty for having an EA but you don't see him taking any responsibility over his actions which lead her to having an EA in the first place.

 

I think you might be missing the point of Vangel's post...I didn't see anywhere where she indicated that her husband was physically abusive toward her. If I'm wrong, please let me know.

 

I think Vangel was talking about the physical aspect of an affair, i.e. kissing, making out, sex. etc. This did not happen according to Vangel, she was involved in an EA.

[WARREN86]

I think you might be missing the point of Vangel's post...I didn't see anywhere where she indicated that her husband was physically abusive toward her. If I'm wrong, please let me know.

 

I think Vangel was talking about the physical aspect of an affair, i.e. kissing, making out, sex. etc. This did not happen according to Vangel, she was involved in an EA.

 

well, I've been following her story that she's posted way back b4 this post. I don't think she felt the need to post her story, but I will just so you can see what a jerk her husband has been to her.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t194021/

 

She's so worried about what she's done to her husband that she doesn't worry about the things he's done to her.

 

"He has an anger problem so he can be very aggressive. The most scariest moment I had with him was when he was literally choking me to death. I got plenty of bruises and black eye, and a little bit of hearing loss from my eardrums being busted.

 

Lately, for the past year, he really tried not to hurt me physically, but the verbal & emotional abusiveness became worse.

 

Yes. I know I was wrong for having an emotional affair with this other guy. It was my fault... I should've ended it or I should've ended with my husband before I started this thing w/ this other guy. There is no excuse for it. Like I mentioned to one of the replies, I was being stubborn. But I can tell you why I kept it going with this other guy.

 

When I say that my husband was verbally and emotionally abusive, I never had a day go by where he wouldn't say something negative about me. I had came to a point in my life where I hated myself sometimes. He always made me feel like I was worthless. I'm not gonna lie, he does compliment me every now and then...but to this point, it's hard to accept those compliments. Remember, at this point, I had felt so low and unaccepted; almost suicidal. Then my first love, who is my ex, came back and brought me back up. He helped me to love myself again and he helped me to realize that I don't deserve this kind of crap. I have a full time job as a manager, I go to college, and I take care of our daughter most of the time; especially now that the husband moved out. That's why I say that I love him, because he helped me find me again. The only part I have left is leaving this relationship but like I said earlier, I don't have that courage yet. I've been with this guy for 7 years and he was never like this."

[Mino]

Ok. So I thought about this subject for awhile, but here's the question:

 

When someone has a physical affair, is it just purely physical?? When having sex with someone, isn't it considered being intimate with someone? By my understanding, intimacy is defined as being a feeling of belonging to one another?

 

When someone has a physical affair, don't most have to get to know each other & spend time with one another before having sex?

 

Yeah, I know that in this day & age, more people are starting to have sex with people they hardly know, but I think it's different when someone whose married or in a relationship, would have a different approach when it comes to infidelity. Just a thought.

depends how long the A is. My A was a EA at first, turned PA, for almost 5 years. It was not all about sex, by no means, we spent more time together then he and his w.