starryskies81 Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 Hi all. This is my first time on here. Seems like a helpful community. But anyway I have a little issue. I recently moved in with my boyfriend. I find that he is very secretive about certain things. I dunno if this stuff is considered "normal" but I certainly don't do it. Anyways he has passwords on his computer and phone. Not that I tried to hack it but i see him entering them when ever he uses them. I don't have passwords on mine. Also he went out a bought a locked cabinet before I moved in. He didn't tell me about it. I just recently saw it there in the closet shoved all the way in the back were some shoe boxes were. He also lied to me about some things before but it was more embarrassing stuff so I can kinda understand but still... What do you guys think? Am I just being silly? Other than that stuff I have no reason not to trust him Link to post Share on other sites
PandorasBox Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 So he put passwords on things after you moved in? Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. Its on thing to have a right to some privacy once in awhile, but because alot of the things he has is like this, its probably a red flag. have you asked him about the locked cabinet? Is it like a gun cabinet? If so, I know of people that have gun cabinets that do have locks on them for safety issues. Link to post Share on other sites
Alma Mobley Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 Hmm.. Well, I do keep my computer password protected because I have all my writing on it, as well as my journal. The phone thing? If he was doing that before you moved in, and it never bothered you before, I don't know why it would now. You should, however, ask him what the cabinet is. If he is an honest person, he will give you an honest answer, and tell you why he doesn't want you to see it. And then it is up to you, whether you accept that answer. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 In a non accusatory way...you could ask him about those things he has locks and passwords on. Don't automatically assume or come across as being accusing, that will just make him withdraw more and less likely to tell you. He may not tell you anyway, but your chances might be better if you don't accuse. Link to post Share on other sites
Author starryskies81 Posted February 10, 2009 Author Share Posted February 10, 2009 Not sure if the phone thing was before or after I moved in. I KNOW he did put the computer password on after I moved in and the cabinet. Thats one thing I am sure of... The cabinet is more like a filing cabinet. It has 2 drawers with a lock on the top and it is locked. I highly doubt there is a gun in there. Thank you for your replies. I dunno this all just seems WEIRD Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 If its like a filing cabinet then it probably has important papers and documents in there. We have one here at our house but do not have a lock on it. Perhaps he feels its best incase someone were to break in? I would jsut ask him about these things. I think if he chooses NOT to tell you, or gives you some far out excuse that just seems way out there, that is when its probably best to question if it was best you moved in and WHY he feels the need to be so secretive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author starryskies81 Posted February 10, 2009 Author Share Posted February 10, 2009 Thank you for you insight JackJack! Like you I also have one but it ain't locked... Another thing. He DOES go through my stuff and my computer. You know how your computer records recently viewed documents?? I saw it was different after he had been home while I was working. So why is it for HIM to have privacy yet he can go through my things. Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 What are your opinions about porn? And, does he know how you feel? Link to post Share on other sites
Alma Mobley Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 I am sorry, but I think that is strange. Passwords on laptops and computers are one thing, but when you move in together? My partner's files are right in front of me, but I have no need to go through them. Why would I? He has private stuff in there, and he knows I know that, but I have no need to rifle through it. His phone? He couldn't care less if I check the time on his phone or check who is calling when it starts buzzing by me. He doesn't even care if I need to borrow it, which happened once a month ago. So, yeah, I think he may be hiding something. If he were being open and honest, you would not be posting and asking. Sorry.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author starryskies81 Posted February 10, 2009 Author Share Posted February 10, 2009 Porn? Well its not my cup of tea but I don't judge those who look at it. He did ask once if I would ever watch one with him and I flat out refused. Just not my thing ya know? You think he is hiding porn from me possibly? Don't be sorry Alma. I thank you for your honesty. What you said about you and your partner is how I feel it should be. Its funny because he trusts me with his ATM pin number but not his computer or a filing cabinet. Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 Porn? Well its not my cup of tea but I don't judge those who look at it. He did ask once if I would ever watch one with him and I flat out refused. Just not my thing ya know? You think he is hiding porn from me possibly? Hrmm... that's where my money is. Most guys have had experience with girlfriends who have had issue with porn. Despite what current girlfriend might say, a guy may instinctively hide it just to avoid potential conflict. Worst case scenario, he's cheating or trying to cheat and uses his computer to communicate / score hookups. But, if you don't really have any reason to suspect he's a cheater... I'd say it's porn! Link to post Share on other sites
Ramrod Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 Porn? Well its not my cup of tea but I don't judge those who look at it. He did ask once if I would ever watch one with him and I flat out refused. Just not my thing ya know? You think he is hiding porn from me possibly? Don't be sorry Alma. I thank you for your honesty. What you said about you and your partner is how I feel it should be. Its funny because he trusts me with his ATM pin number but not his computer or a filing cabinet. I did the same thing before a GF moved. I sanitized the place, you would have thought a monk was living there when I was through. Also, he's stashing personal memento's of GF's past, pictures, letters, panies, that sort of thing. There may even be a couple of scary looking knives and a gun or two in ther cabinet. Word to the wise...curiosity killed the cat and don't ask questions you will not want to hear the answer to...just saying. Link to post Share on other sites
Ramrod Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 Should read panties, my bad, also, there is some ex GF porn, probably burned on a DVD which he breaks out every so often, nothing to feel threatened by, he's with you now. And if your wondering why he would choose to hide stuff from you...the answer is...because you don't mind your own business missy. Link to post Share on other sites
blair08 Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 This is just my opinon, but I think what sticks out the most to me, is the phone thing.....the computer is probably due to porn, like someone mentioned earlier, not that its right really, but if he feels you don't care for it anyway then that might be why.....the filing cabinet is odd too, but it could be important things in there, but I'm not sure on that. The phone thing strikes me more because its almost like he doesn't want you to know who he might be calling or texting or receiving them from as well. How does he act when he is on his cell infront of you? If it rings does he leave the room or go outside? The bottom line here is, you might need to rethink why you're with someone who feels the needs to hide so many things.....its one thing to have a password on a computer due to porn or whatever...but the phone and filing cabinet is odd too! Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 MY advice to you? Fight fire with fire. Put a password on your computer and 'phone too. If he challenges you about it, then you state that what's sauce for the gander is sauce for the goose.... Lock everything down. He'll hardly be in a position to complain. But actually, do think very carefully if you want a relationship with what sounds like a guilt-ridden control freak. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 He defintely sounds like he has something to hide....wheather its porn, chats online, talking to other girls on his phone or whatever.....there is a reason he is hiding things. Another thing too, if HE is going through your things.....that very well may be a sign of a guilty conscience..simply because he may feel if he is doing something he shouldn't then he is checking your things out to see if you are too, or he is checkign your things out to see if you are checking him out.....make sense? Link to post Share on other sites
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