LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Marriage & Life Partnerships

trying to keep it together


Marriage & Life Partnerships Debunking the old-ball-and-chain stereotype one couple at a time.

 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 16th March 2002, 8:12 PM   #1
please help
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
trying to keep it together

hi all

I have been with my husband for 7 years. our relationship has gotten to the point where it could end any day. I am trying to avoid that. The problem in our relationship is everytime we get in to argument or a fight I never know what to say. Usually it is my fault b/c I would make promisses to him and eend up breaking them. As soon as we fight I go in to a silent mode and my mind goes to blank. I don't have a clue about what to say or how to make him feel better or understand. I would get upset and cry and then he feels bad and then instead of me fixing the situation he makes me feel better instead. I guess it has gotten up to a point where he is completely heart broken, he can not rely on me for anything and he is thinking if this is worth all the pain that is causing him. I do love him alot he is a great guy and I don't want to lose him.

my question is what should I do right now to make him understand that I do care and if in the future we get in to a fight what do i say other than I am sorry to make him feel better?

Thanks
  Reply With Quote
Old 16th March 2002, 10:12 PM   #2
Rachel
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: trying to keep it together

Hi, I'm sorry for all the troubles you're going through.... it sounds like you're in a lot of pain.... it's time to get proactive;

1. Stop making promises, of any kind... if there are issues, they need to be worked on together. Giving promises you can't keep, is doing nothing but harmed. make sure he isn't "extracting" promises from you.

2. Get some counseling... by yourself, and with him.;.... if he won't go, then go by yourself.... make a list of what the fights and arguments are about if you can....

3. Are you depressed? Make an appointment for a check up with your doctor.... if you are then you need to geet on anti depressants, even for a short while.

4. Talk talk talk to your husband.... but not during a fight. Pick a time hwen he is not tired, and you aren't in a panic over something.... let him know you want to work things out.

5. Do some soul searching... when did the dynamics of your relationship change? Think hard. Did something or some even trigger it to change?

good luck, keep us posted



Quote:
hi all I have been with my husband for 7 years. our relationship has gotten to the point where it could end any day. I am trying to avoid that. The problem in our relationship is everytime we get in to argument or a fight I never know what to say. Usually it is my fault b/c I would make promisses to him and eend up breaking them. As soon as we fight I go in to a silent mode and my mind goes to blank. I don't have a clue about what to say or how to make him feel better or understand. I would get upset and cry and then he feels bad and then instead of me fixing the situation he makes me feel better instead. I guess it has gotten up to a point where he is completely heart broken, he can not rely on me for anything and he is thinking if this is worth all the pain that is causing him. I do love him alot he is a great guy and I don't want to lose him. my question is what should I do right now to make him understand that I do care and if in the future we get in to a fight what do i say other than I am sorry to make him feel better?

Thanks
  Reply With Quote
Old 16th March 2002, 10:16 PM   #3
Established Member
 
Tony T's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2000
Posts: 15,713
Re: trying to keep it together

Have you considered keeping your promises to him or not making any at all so he won't have anything to get upset about?
Tony T is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 1:51 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.