I NEED MY SOON TO BE HUSBANDS EX WONT LEAVE US ALONe!

[Sassysammy43]

Me and my soon to be husband have been together for two years. We are madly in love and have been since the day we met. Our relationship is close to perfect and everything i could have imagined. We are soulmates. There is one big problem that is affecting us. Over three years ago he dated a girl in high school for 9 months, they were in that puppy love stage. My fiance's mother left when he was 6 so he had alot of mixed emotions and told this girl he loved her when he didnt. Thankfully therapy helped him get his life back together. Anyways, they had a terrible relationship, she broke it off and never talked to him again. That is until we started dating- 6 months after they broke up. She would email, call, and drive by our homes. The emails were threatening ones and she would prank call us when she was drunk. she would even call his mother and fathers homes! She even had her current bf at the time call me adn tell me he was going to slit my throat! This went on for about a year when finally we had enough. We called her up and told her if she didnt leave us alone we were going to file a restraining order. We have had to cancel everything, our emails, aim, myspace's, facebooks ect. For about 5 months we didnt hear a peep from her until she has contacted us until last night, i signed on to an old aim and saw she was on. I wanted to see if she would contact my man so i signed on his and before his buddy list could even load i got an im, she said "hey hows it going saw you at your new work whats up"? I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE! we have tried everything adn we feel like we have no freedom. What should we do? my fiance wants to quit his job, its like just when we forget she even exsited i get a nasty email. She is ruining our lives and we just want her to stop!!! I am sooo mad i feel so disrespected and i just want her to fall off the face of the earth!!! HELP US WE NEED ADVICE!!!

[Lynna]

File the restraining order. You told her your boundaries and she broke them, you have to follow through on the consequences now. If you DON'T then she will take it as tacit permission that it is okay that she keep doing what she is doing. It is just like when a child starts misbehaving, if you lay the consquences of their behavior out to them and then don't follow through, they will continue the bad behavior - I mean how many times have you been in a store and watched a child throwing a fit or acting up and the mother saying - if you don't stop I will put that toy back, or we will leave - but yet she never takes that action so the child never stops. In fact, over time they continue to puch the boundaries and their behavior will keep getting worse. They will keep pushing until they finally face a consequence.

 

Think about it yourself. If you have no reason to stop, will you stop doing something that gives you any kind of satisfaction, or that gives you any kind of hope of achieving satisfaction? She is clearly a selfish person with issues. Your feelings and reactions don't bother her, she is just going to continue acting as she does because it gives her pleasure and she thinks maybe she will be able to get him back. Therefore, if you really want to get your lives back the only thing you can do at this point is to take out the restraining order. And you BOTH need to do it together.

[veronica12]

If this girl is still uder 18, you could contact her parents.They might be able to restrain her.It sounds as though she has a disfunctional up-bringing herself.So that might not work.I definitely would get the police involved;not just to scare her, but to document everything that is happening.Also.....just a thought....reconsider how close you are to this man.Is her really your SOULMATE???Protect yourself.If this is an indication of the women (GIRLS) who have been in his life, I would question his judgement.Don't hurry into anything permanent with him.Time reveals all things, bad or good.