Married Young...No sex in our relationship

[Crazyinlove7]

Hi, I am fairly new to this forum. My husband and I are both in our early twenties...and are having a lot of problems in our marriage. We got married 1 1/2 ago and the sex is completly gone. We both got married under pressure from our families. We dated but weren't ready to get married but had to for cultural reasons outta our control. We both didn't wanta hurt ourt parents so we sucked it up and got married. We have personality clashes that we have worked out. We tend to get along great some days and act like complete ass holes to each other on other days. He works 7 days a wekk. I am home and now going to school. He's a great guy and was a good boyfriend...but marriage has really taken the uff outta our lives.We have sex one month perfectly fine..and then the next month its the same **** again wit HIM NOT WANTING sex. I don't understand I love him and I know he loves me. I don't think he is cheating on me I am fairly aware of that. I am a pretty girl and have a nice body. He complains that he wants me to lose 10 lbs or so that I will be perfect . But, what if the sex doesn't come back with 10 lbs. I mean its weird. He's quiet, cold, irrated a lot of times. Then he'll be great and wonerful the next week or month. This drivses me crazy. We've tried counseling its helped...but really does anyone know how i feel or can give me some good advice to use. Like I said we are young 25ish. HELP REALLY RELALY NEED TO TALK ...so confused maybe Im doing something wrong...how can I make him have sex with me. And he says he is attacted to me...him initating sex randomly is proof of that. HELP!

[whichwayisup]

Keep going to marriage counselling, see if that helps...But, to be honest, I think you both rushed into the marriage (for the wrong reasons) and now you're both paying the price. You may 'love' him, but maybe not enough to be married to him forever, to have children with him, grow old with him. Or, maybe you do...

 

Not too sure why he's so concerned with your weight, noone is perfect and life has a way of throwing crap at us that affects our minds, body's and souls, so he better not be hung up on the 'visually' perfect wife! I mean, does he have the chizzled, perfect body??? My guess is no....

 

Try planning a romantic weekend, away from cell phones, and work.

Make special time for eachother in the evenings, whether it be a bath together, or a stroll around the block - Hold hands, cuddle and DO nice things for eachother! All the little things that sometimes get forgotten about, are just as important as the big things. Make him a cup of tea, or bring him home some flowers, or one of his favourite magazines - This way he'll know HE is on your mind...

 

Keep talking to him, and hopefully he'll respond in a positive way.

[Crazyinlove7]

Can more people respond please I need to know more prespectives on this issue. But, thank you for the one person that did respond honestly...you are right on many levels...we shouldn't of gotten married....but now we are. We don't really believe in divorce..but we will have to take that drastic step in the future if things to get better. I need and want sex...i wanta have kids soooo unless he doesn't change his attitude then it ain't working out for us. Any thoughts?

[katiebour]

Maybe have him checked out by a doctor? He could be low on testosterone. Or it could be that him working 7 days a week is exhausting him to the point of not wanting sex at all. Is there any chance of him cutting back to a 40-hour work week?

 

Otherwise-

 

It sounds like you might both be "stuck" in a marriage that you didn't really want. You're not free to go after other people that you might really desire, but you don't especially want the person that you're with.

 

Sex is not just physical for guys either- if they're not feeling "in love" their libido can drop too. My ex-bf stopped wanting to have sex with me when he fell out of love with me- not much you can do about that.

 

I think getting/staying married to someone because you wanted to please your parents and "suck it up" sounds pretty miserable. I guess if you're determined to make the best of it, then you'll have to try hard to become each other's ideal person.

 

You might try masturbating in bed, next to him, to turn him on. There's always porn/toys and so forth that you might try. But those are relatively short-term solutions to a long-term problem, unless you both discover a shared interest in BDSM or something.

[Lynna]

It is very hard to force someone to love you and want to be with you. Keep up with the MC, but be prepared, even that won't help if the love really is not there. And think seriously, do you both want to "just settle" for each other for the rest of your lives? Wouldn't you both like to know what it is like to really be in love with somone? Sex with a person you love so deeply that they are part of your very soul is exquisite, it is something that happens a LOT because you want to be with that person so much.

 

You say you want to have children, do you want them to be raised in a house where the parents are together because THEIR parents forced them to be? Or would you rather have them grow up in a home where their parents love each other so much that they are a shining example to their children of what true love is like. Where their love for each other carries over to include the children. Where the family is generally happy and healthy because it is founded in love.

 

If he deeply loved you, 10 pounds would be the NOTHING that it really is. Honestly, 10 pounds is not something that keeps you from being sexually attracted to someone you love. If you want to loose weight, if you are unhappy with your weight, then by all means give it a try, but don't do it just because of him.

 

Continue the MC but think SERIOUSLY about what you both want and deserve for yourselves and your futures. You are both adults and while you love your parents, they CANNOT and SHOULD not control your lives. They should want what is best for you both. Talk to each other and think seriously about your marriage.