Missy27 Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 Hi Guys Dont usually like to whine about my probs too much, but I had to get this off my chest cause I'm sooo angry. Sorry its a bit long My Fiance is a poo sandwich. He's made me more frustrated these last few weeks than ever and I'm having serious re-considerations as to the progression of our relationship. If i'm being unreasonable then please please tell me cause it IS that time of the month in which PMT may be at the root of my frustrations ~ ! OK Here goes...Its basically to do with us NEVER spending any quality time together ...... EVER. I'll start off by saying that my F is a workaholic. He's an Agricultural Engineer with his own business and works every hour under the sun to keep us all afloat. This I accept and am grateful that I am at least with a man who isn't scared to work (unlike previous model who wouldn't know a days hard work if it bit him on the azz), but it just means that we dont get to spend too much time alone together. He doesn't generally come in from work until about 8.30pm, by which time he is usually tired and his boys are still up (they are 14 and 12 & the eldest one lives with us full time).. Side note - I do EVERYTHING for those kids. Run them around, cook for them, wash their clothes etc etc. Their bio mother doesn't have anything to do with eldest. Soo by the time they go to bed its about 9.30pm and F then falls asleep on the sofa (This routine is guaranteed at least five days a week, weekends are slightly better, but not much) Anyway ..... About 6 months ago my F asked me if I wanted to go the British Grand Prix at Donnington Park with him. He's right into his motorbikes and I share his passion (although I dont have one, nor have I passed my bike test) but I love going out with him on the back of his occasionally, and I ALWAYS watch the racing with him on a Sunday. So..... Grand Prix week comes around... I've been out and bought some new leathers and am all kitted out, ready to go... The day before the race F tells me that plans have changed.....one of the other girls meant to be going up with her BF bottled out, so F said he'd be the only one two-up (with two on the bike) and therefore would not be able to keep up with the others and so it would probably be best if I stay at home. I was gutted, I had been looking forward to going for 6 months, but I accepted it and let him go alone (it rained all day and was a rubbish race anyway so I felt a bit better ~ ). I looked after both his children that day, all day. Fed them and had his dinner ready for him when he got home. I really was not happy about not being able to go after he promised me. Anyway.... this was last weekend, and when F got back from Grand Prix he promised that he would take me out on Thursday (today) when he goes to meet up with a couple of his mates on the bike. He was due to ride the bike to a town about 20 miles away, have a beer with his mates and then ride back (with me). Well..... Now this morning he gave me all this spiel about the bike being his only release from work and how I would slow him down being on the back (same ole story) and just made me feel generally guilty about going with him. So suffice to say I am now not going .... AGAIN. I am just SOOOO mad guys. He keeps letting me down and doens't spend ANY time with me other than sat on the sofa at 9.30pm watching tv until he falls asleep. What made me even more angry about tonight is that when he kind of hinted that he didn't want me to go with him I said ... "OK well I'll go out with my sister and have a few drinks instead then" and he says if I do that then he'll have to ring Josh (his youngest) and tell him he cant come down tonight cause I wont be here ...... WTF :mad: What am I a freakin baby sitter or something ~ ? :mad:. These are only two examples of something that happens quite regularly. I'm not going to see him all this weekend cause he's working... but his kids will be down so what am I supposed to do ~ ? Stay home all day on my jack ~ ? NOT A GOD DAMN CHANCE. I've tried to explain how I feel to him but he just starts yelling at me ... I swear he is incapable of actually having an conversation unless its beneficial to him. I'm just sick of being on my own with his damn kids all the time. He's going on a stag do next weekend (all weekend) so I'll be looking after the cretins again... I try to give him as much space as possible but I want him to spend some time with me, doing stuff .... with me. Am I being unreasonable about this ~ ? or am I over reacting ~ ? Any advice on how to deal with this cause it's starting to make me question what our future together is going to be like ~ ? Thanks in advance..... Missy Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 All I can tell you is that he's not lying about having a pillion passenger. It's annoying and detracts from the whole point of riding in the first place. While I do think that he should be making more of an effort as he seems to be taking you for granted, I would also strongly suggest you get your license and a bike of your own. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Missy27 Posted June 28, 2007 Author Share Posted June 28, 2007 All I can tell you is that he's not lying about having a pillion passenger. It's annoying and detracts from the whole point of riding in the first place. While I do think that he should be making more of an effort as he seems to be taking you for granted, I would also strongly suggest you get your license and a bike of your own. I appreciate that carrying a pillion is not as enjoyable as riding the bike on his own, and has has ample opportunity to go out on his own without me enema. He goes "playing" on the bike for at least 3 hours on a Sunday with all his mates. Thats not what bothers me. Its the fact that he PROMISED me he would take me and then took it away from me at the last minute. Link to post Share on other sites
dbtmarley Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 I can tell you are pissed and while a passenger does take away from the fun it is no excuse for him deny time with you. He has some choices to make. I think his actions up to this point is a clear indicator of how it will be when the two of you are married, perhaps it may even be worse. His lack of wanting to listen to your wants and needs is concerning to say the least. Link to post Share on other sites
child_of_isis Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 I don't think you are being unreasonable. You shouldn't have to stay at home and play mommy to his children while he runs around with his budz. This pretty much gives you a picture of what your marriage will be like. Link to post Share on other sites
sunseed Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 Just thought you should know in case you thought someone was assuming you pissed in the British sense when you wrote. Anyway, I've been married for two years to someone who has taken to yelling at me when I have a problem too. It won't get better on its own, I can tell you that much. The thing that pops out of your message is that you seem to have accepted responsibility for his children, whom I assume are his from an earlier marriage. Honey, take a hard line with your bloke! If he's not going to spend time with you, well that's crap, but it's triple crap to assume you're just going to mother his children while he's off playing in the mud and NOT being a father to them, which I think we can safely assume their mother thinks he IS doing. Not that you need to be concerned for her feelings, but you do have to be concerned for your own, particularly if he isn't. My thoughts: start making separate plans for yourself the weekends he'll be off, and especially when the kids are coming. I'd schedule it far enough out to insure that the kids will be looked after BY THEIR DAD. Let him know you'll be out, you can't care for them, so sorry. Then the responsibility for them will be dropped right back in his lap where it belongs. With any luck, it may help him wake up to how he's been treating you. Take it or leave it of course. You know your situation best and we readers only get a little slice, even if your post was as thorough as yours. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted June 29, 2007 Share Posted June 29, 2007 I've tried to explain how I feel to him but he just starts yelling at me ... I swear he is incapable of actually having an conversation unless its beneficial to him. I'm just sick of being on my own with his damn kids all the time. He's going on a stag do next weekend (all weekend) so I'll be looking after the cretins again... I try to give him as much space as possible but I want him to spend some time with me, doing stuff .... with me. I understand your anger, Missy27, but what about his kids? I wonder what their post would be? Something like "My Dad doesn't care enough to spend any time with us so we get pawned off every weekend on his pissed off fiance"? It's them I feel sorry for - you at least are there voluntarily, at 12 and 14 they don't have much choice... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
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