Upset with porn, lying, obsessive husband

[SunnySideUp]

Besides all the other problems my husband and I are having, lately it's been made clear to me that my husband might have sexual issues. Our love life has always been very good, but for years my husband has lied about masterbating. The topic would always come up barely prompted, I never asked him anything about it, but he would say he only masterbates once a month, and he also always made a big deal about how porn isn't very interesting. Lately I got the feeling he's been making this stuff up. It started when he left a search in Limewire for porn open. I confronted him about it, and told him it was ok to like porn and to masterbate, and he made up a story about how he wants to create funny gif images (some sort of art) from the porn... that he's not looking at it because he likes it. I didn't really believe him at the time but said I did. Since then, I've been looking at the history on our laptop and sure enough, there's porn in there almost every day. I confronted him a second time and just asked him to admit if he was lying to me, and he stuck to his guns and got very upset.

 

To top it all off, he's self-proclaimed obsessed with sex, he says he walks around semi-aroused most the day. He also admits to fantasizing about infidelity with random women he sees during the day, though I know he'd never do anything about it. The worst part though is that since we've been married he's been less interested in sex with me. I'm almost positive he masterbates way more often than we have sex, and most of the times when I try to get him in the mood, he jokes about it or says things like "come on..." and tries to get me to cool down. What is going on here???? If he's obsessed with sex, is he just not into me anymore?

 

How many married men out there have fantasies about women they see during the day? Is this normal, or should I be concerned?

[Enema]

His porn usage and masturbation probably has very little to do with the decline in your sex life.

 

He's not being honest about the porn because he thinks you will react badly to it.

 

That aside though, if there is an issue with your sex life we would need to know more about it to pinpoint any issues. ie. Have you talked to him about it? Have you tried spicing things up? How often do you do it and how often do you want to do it? etc, etc.

[Krytellan]

How many married men out there have fantasies about women they see during the day? Is this normal, or should I be concerned?

 

On boy, fishbowl syndrome again.

 

When I was married (even that 6 months I was happy) I fantasized about other women all the time. I worked with a female co-therapist for over a year and I would fantasize about her daily. Hell, I just got done fantasizing about a woman that just walked past my office window. It's natural and means absolutely squat.

 

There are 2 rules that men must abide however:

1) Never tell your SO about the fact you fantasize about others, for reasons that this post illustrates.

2) Never act on them unless you intend to start a new relationship.

 

As for the porn, please consider referencing the other 300 threads about the evilness of porn. Do we really need to have 3 going at one time?

 

That's my take.

[Shan2k]

Besides all the other problems my husband and I are having, lately it's been made clear to me that my husband might have sexual issues. Our love life has always been very good, but for years my husband has lied about masterbating. The topic would always come up barely prompted, I never asked him anything about it, but he would say he only masterbates once a month, and he also always made a big deal about how porn isn't very interesting. Lately I got the feeling he's been making this stuff up. It started when he left a search in Limewire for porn open. I confronted him about it, and told him it was ok to like porn and to masterbate, and he made up a story about how he wants to create funny gif images (some sort of art) from the porn... that he's not looking at it because he likes it. I didn't really believe him at the time but said I did. Since then, I've been looking at the history on our laptop and sure enough, there's porn in there almost every day. I confronted him a second time and just asked him to admit if he was lying to me, and he stuck to his guns and got very upset.

 

To top it all off, he's self-proclaimed obsessed with sex, he says he walks around semi-aroused most the day. He also admits to fantasizing about infidelity with random women he sees during the day, though I know he'd never do anything about it. The worst part though is that since we've been married he's been less interested in sex with me. I'm almost positive he masterbates way more often than we have sex, and most of the times when I try to get him in the mood, he jokes about it or says things like "come on..." and tries to get me to cool down. What is going on here???? If he's obsessed with sex, is he just not into me anymore?

 

How many married men out there have fantasies about women they see during the day? Is this normal, or should I be concerned?

 

 

In the beginning of you guys sex life together, did you lay there like a board, complain, show or tell him you felt violated after, or constantly deny him when he was in the mood?

 

If not, he needs SERIOUS help.

 

If so, that really traumatizes a man's attraction to his gf/wife.

[Bobster999]

In the beginning of you guys sex life together, did you lay there like a board, complain, show or tell him you felt violated after, or constantly deny him when he was in the mood?

 

If not, he needs SERIOUS help.

 

If so, that really traumatizes a man's attraction to his gf/wife.

 

 

LOL---that would definitely tramatize me.

[SunnySideUp]

In the beginning of you guys sex life together, did you lay there like a board, complain, show or tell him you felt violated after, or constantly deny him when he was in the mood?

 

If not, he needs SERIOUS help.

 

If so, that really traumatizes a man's attraction to his gf/wife.

 

 

No, I never did anything like that. I've always been very into sex and very attracted to him, and we had sex a lot early on.

 

 

As for the other replies, thank you... I honestly just wanted to know if it was normal for a man to fantasize about other women or not. I don't know! Seeing as how several of you say it is perfectly healthy and normal, that makes me feel better.

 

As far as the other questions, I'd say that I'm not sure how many times I'd like to be having sex, just that I'd like it to be more consistent. We tend to go through times where we'll have sex 3 or 4 or 5 times a week, then we'll go through other times where we'll have sex maybe once in a week.

 

I REALLY just want to know why if my husband is aroused most of the time and obsessed with sex, does he make me feel bad for trying to get him in the mood...by joking about it or saying things like "come on..." or "stop it..."??????

[SunnySideUp]

His porn usage and masturbation probably has very little to do with the decline in your sex life.

 

He's not being honest about the porn because he thinks you will react badly to it.

 

That aside though, if there is an issue with your sex life we would need to know more about it to pinpoint any issues. ie. Have you talked to him about it? Have you tried spicing things up? How often do you do it and how often do you want to do it? etc, etc.

 

I have talked to him about him "cooling down" with me, so to speak. I've asked him if he's not attracted to me any more, etc. He always says one of two things, either that I can't expect things to be like they used to be, when we were first dating, or denies that anything is wrong and makes me feel like I'm making things up, saying things like "I'm sorry you think that way.."

[Shan2k]

No, I never did anything like that. I've always been very into sex and very attracted to him, and we had sex a lot early on.

 

 

As for the other replies, thank you... I honestly just wanted to know if it was normal for a man to fantasize about other women or not. I don't know! Seeing as how several of you say it is perfectly healthy and normal, that makes me feel better.

 

As far as the other questions, I'd say that I'm not sure how many times I'd like to be having sex, just that I'd like it to be more consistent. We tend to go through times where we'll have sex 3 or 4 or 5 times a week, then we'll go through other times where we'll have sex maybe once in a week.

 

I REALLY just want to know why if my husband is aroused most of the time and obsessed with sex, does he make me feel bad for trying to get him in the mood...by joking about it or saying things like "come on..." or "stop it..."??????

 

I have talked to him about him "cooling down" with me, so to speak. I've asked him if he's not attracted to me any more, etc. He always says one of two things, either that I can't expect things to be like they used to be, when we were first dating, or denies that anything is wrong and makes me feel like I'm making things up, saying things like "I'm sorry you think that way.."

 

If you're doing what the women do in his porn, (dressing sexy, being submissive etc,.) and he's still obsessed with watching them, he needs help.

 

Your husband is addicted to sex all around! Whatever involves sex, he's on it! He really needs some counseling. In my opinion, viewing pornography is either for neglect, ideas, or entertainment. He might be taking the entertainment part a little too far and wanting it to be tangible (like jumping off buildings with a spider-man outfit). When I watch porn, I imagine my girlfriend doing or staying the things the women in the porn do. Otherwise, I feel guilt.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When my GF does dress sexy and act out scenes from the porn I watch, I throw a couple of them away! literally!

[rtHawk]

When I watch porn, I imagine my girlfriend doing or staying the things the women in the porn do. Otherwise, I feel guilt.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When my GF does dress sexy and act out scenes from the porn I watch, I throw a couple of them away! literally!

 

Kudos to you and hopefully your GF really appreciates that effort ---and response from you.....I believe you are the exception to this; and if my guy had your attitude, he wouldn't ever have any left ever again.....

he would have thrown them out a loooooonnnnng time ago!!!

and truthfully, if they were gone, he'd get even more than he gets now because I would be even more comfortable, free, and happy without the porn crap.

[Chewy2007]

My fiance is exactly the same. When i want sex its always his tired, or to busy for it (doing something important). But when he wants it, its like i have to put out or he will get all grumpy and make me feel like i negleted him.

 

In the begining of our relationship we had sex around 2 times a week. And 7 years later im lucky enough to get it once a month or twice a month.

 

And here comes the shocker. In the last 2 years when sex had decreased into the twice a month period, i asked him are you cheating on me. No. Are you masturbating to porn. No. Even though i caught him on his internet link looking at a jenna jamison website. He said that he was looking for a way to make money by editing all the pictures from the porn sites and other sites (he showed me there were 100s of them) to create his own porn site to rip of other people. Stupid me i thought great idea ill help do a website with you. Guess what no website. And porn on his computer still.

 

Then after a huge argument hes like i masturbate in the shower and i watched porn on the net to avoid having sex with you, for 1 year.

 

When he said that i felt so low and depressed like you wouldnt beleive. And i cried all night. Because he did this too me . He kept telling me im paranoid, you need your brain checked etc. And he was doing that the whole time.

 

My advise to you is get his computer and delete all of the porn on the website and monitor it. He is looking at porn to avoid you. Its something you did that made him feel that way. Like nagging or having fights or something similar.

 

Its sad. And i hate him for it. Becasue i thought there was really something wrong with me. I lost 10kg in a month i was 4kg and felt so unattractive and depressed and my self esteem has gone out the window. And i am still sure that he is still looking at porn . He has showers at the odd time of days. When i go to the shops etc.

 

Dont beleive him. Do it to him. Buy your self porn for women and read it infront of him, go to the bathroom for 1 min.Refuse sex if he gets horny. And see how he feels. He will get the message. And get porn of hot guys that dont look anything like him. He will open his eyes. And keep doing it. If he gets angry say its nothing honey i still love you.

[reesa]

I am going through close to the same thing..I was in history one day looking up a website I had forgotten and low and behold there was a search for erotic massage..I confronted him and he got extremely upset, saying that if I didn't trust him why are we together, why am I spying on etc...I told him I wasn't and that it was also in the search box..he made some excuse about it being an accident and he wasn't the one that typed it in..we cooled down and I told him that if he is curious about stuff, all he has to do is talk to me..it hurts more when he lies about it..I am pretty open, we go to strip clubs and watch certain movies together..but I just don't want him hiding it. We are together always so I know he isn't going out and activly pursuing it and our sex life is great. It is just this sneaking issue. Why do they do that?