Husband looking at other women

[mustang2g7]

Hi me and my husband are both 22 we have been married for 1.7 years we have a 14 month old daughter. I know he loves me when I ask him if I am pretty he says yes. But he has this thing with looking at other women. I will catch him and he will deny it then he will go right back to looking after I say somthing. If I try to talk about it he won't want to or hell say the maybe we just won't go out anymore. He also looks at porn he has never lied to me before, he always tells me the truth.

 

He promised me he wouldn't look at porn anymore as I told him that it was making me feel unattractive and that I was upset with the fact that he was looking at women that look more attractive then me. Then one day I wasn't online looking to catch him looking at it but I came across a site he had looked at when I confronted him about he lied to me. Then when I proved him to be lieing he said he didn't think about the fact that he was lieing to me. I mean he promised to never cheat on me.

 

But now there is a girl that works with him and I asked him and he told me he thought she is good looking and if we weren't together he wouldn't think twice about having sex with her. I mean his dad cheated on his mom several times and he is a lot like his dad. I don't know if it is all in my head or there is somthing to worry about. Also when we are out in public it is really hard to get him to show me affection. I really need help it is bothering me.

[StayClose]

All men look at women, so it's OK as long as it's not long, lingering stares. I'm sure you notice good looking men too, right?

 

The fact that his father cheated is a red flag, but so far there's nothing to freak out about.

[JackJack]

But now there is a girl that works with him and I asked him and he told me he thought she is good looking and if we weren't together he wouldn't think twice about having sex with her.

 

 

Bad move on his part. This is the main thing that stuck out in my mind after reading your post.

 

Most all people look, especailly men, its one thing to look but another to act on it. I'm not thrilled about his comment to you, about if you all were not together, he would think about having sex with her, its just not something you say to someone you are married too.

 

You both are young, sorry to say, and it doesn't sound like you all really got off to the best start. Already theres doubts there, from porn, to looking at other women when out, to his insenstive comment. I say get into some marriage couseling ASAP.

[Mythical]

All men look at women, so it's OK as long as it's not long, lingering stares. I'm sure you notice good looking men too, right?

 

The fact that his father cheated is a red flag, but so far there's nothing to freak out about.

 

Im not too sure why you would say because his father cheated thats a red flag..I mean it could be but not everyone is like their parents when it comes to things like that and decisions....thats just my thaught

[Road Rage]

I imagine it is very difficult being married at 22 in this day and age. There is just so much that makes the single life look like heaven. From a guys perspective, I know it has to be difficult constantly seeing beautiful young women. You can look but never touch. For the rest of your life.

 

No matter how good your partner. Love falls short after that person is there every day. In essence, men are polygamists. Most of the time they desire another woman. I`ve noticed that when men and women get separated/divorced, it is an almost certainty after they clear the emotional baggage there will be a sexual spree. I have yet to see otherwise.

 

All those years of bottled up sexual desire come out. Even real religious people seem to get on the bandwagon too. There just is no holding sex back. The fault lies in the general shallow beliefs about the value of marriage in my opinion. The single want to be married and the married want to be single.

 

Only the passing of time and experience seem to dull it. The only other thing is those who have found their soulmate. Maybe one out of a hundred people, if that. By that I mean finding someone that can so fulfill the inner desires that others never compare.

[StayClose]

Im not too sure why you would say because his father cheated thats a red flag..I mean it could be but not everyone is like their parents when it comes to things like that and decisions....thats just my thaught

 

Not everyone turns out like their parents but enough do that there is a reason to be a little worried.

 

But if there's no evidence of it now, one shouldn't react as if it's already happening.

[Sevenmack]

As long as he's not cheating in any way -- and that's defined by the boundaries that you and he have set -- then he can look all he wants. He can check out the menu, as the old saying goes, but he's on a diet and must stay on it.

 

As for the officemate? He must ultimately use self-control. It's not your job to make him responsible for his behavior, but his job alone. The reality of life is that there will always be women offering 'gifts,' and as time goes on -- and he becomes more successful and self-confident -- there will be even more. But he's got to exercise restraint.

 

At almost 33, I can tell you stories about all the women that have hit up on me over the past three years; something about becoming 30 and stable that lures women out of the woodwork. But I've been with the same woman for a year and I'm not looking elsewhere for sex or love. She's my lady and I'm her man. And unless you're into swinging or something like that -- and once again, the terms are set by you and him -- no one else should be invited into the circle.

[StayClose]

I'm way over 30 and stable, but no one hits up on me.

 

Thanks for the self esteem boost.