I Can't Communicate!

[PLEASEADVISEME]

I do not know how to explain all of this.

 

To begin with, this has been a long distance relationship for a few months. Ever since then, since our communication has been limited, his emotions have become almost numb. The only real communication we have now is online, and even then he never expresses himself, only menial things like "yep" "ok" "(insert random comment here)" "i have to go now bye". He never says "I love you" or even seems to not show any emotions (like he had always used to), you have to pry emotions out of him by asking sneaky questions. So of course, for the past few months I have been questioning the state of this relationship.

 

I just got to see him again a couple of weeks ago to get a good bead on what is actually going on. To my surprise, he seemed to still care a lot (I guess). He claimed the reasons for not saying "I love you" and only "ditto" and "yep" were that since he has a lot of studying and work to do, that he can't show that kind of emotion and didn't want to lie to me. He also claimed he hated life and felt like he was losing all of his friends because of the time he spends on schoolwork.

 

He assured me that I hadn't done anything wrong and that he was not trying to break up and that he wasn't cheating on me or anything negative and said things basically that were reassuring that he still cared about me and that it was all because he felt so terrible about all the stress. So I thought that this explained it all.

 

The thing is, he claimed that he did not have enough time to call me or think about me much because of all of this work.

 

Today I found out that not only does he have enough time to call, but he calls other people. Here I am hardly able to ever speak to him even ONLINE yet he can find time to call other people and play video games and carry on.

 

I don't even know what to think. I want to maintain this relationship. I am not trying to lose him or break up with him, but I can't take all of this confusion.

 

Someone please tell me how to communicate with him despite all of these barriers. How can I get him to show me emotion and appreciation???!!!

That's all I ever asked for.

 

If he really means what he says about not wanting to break up and all that jazz, what will make him show it? If he is saying he will always be there and doesn't want to leave, how can I make him show me that?????!!!! TELL ME HOW TO PROMPT IT OUT OF HIM!!! I WANT THE OLD HIM BACK!! THIS ONE IS TOO WEIRD!!!

 

I don't know how to communicate with him anymore. I'm all out of ideas. The only mode of communication I have with him at this rate is online, and he hardly comes on. How can I get his attention when he finally does come on? Do I have to resort to mental-sounding attention getters?? I really, really, really, really, REALLY need to hear "I love you" or "I care about you" again or SOMETHING to let me know FROM HIM that he still has me in his heart and isn't playing.

 

It has to be there or else he would have no reason to keep acting like he does even if he doesn't say it. So if he ACTS like it and actions supposedly speak louder than words (since apparently he's too "depressed" to say it) how am I supposed to interpret that?? How...HOW....HOW?????????

 

I don't want to break up with him...I just want advice on how to deal with this without resorting to that...

 

I'm sorry, right now this message probably looks like a jumbled mess, but I can't really get this out right now. I'm just upset.

 

Am I making a big deal out of nothing?

NFEINPEORPOEFMPEOFhpofjpojwpofahfpoefr; HELP!!

 

Maybe I am making a big deal out of it. The sad thing is...I REALLY DONT KNOW!!! I'm losing it. Do you think it's a big deal to be upset if a guy isn't showing emotion, especially when he hasn't seen you except between looong time intervals? Is it only natural? o_o

Somebody please justify this man acting like this so I can feel better.

 

P.S. Please, if there is anyone out there who likes to condescend or patronize, do not comment if that is your goal. No derision, please. Do it for the children (me).

[justagirliegirl]

I understand that you want to feel like you are important in his life. His evasiveness makes you second guess where you are with him. I don't think there is any way to make him be any differently.

 

I think I would just stop being online and see if he misses you.

[hiraka]

Maybe long distance is not working out for him as he thought. For me though, I have not even said "I love you" to my bf who lives across the U.S. who I have known a year now and together for 6 months (and 1 visit in there already and another very soon). Not saying that it is not a bad thing to say early, but maybe he is not seeing the relationship the same as you or the same as you expect. Maybe he doesn't want to say it cause it is not feeling it. I know that is not what you want to hear, but I do know for a fact that I dislike being conned or forced intos saying/doing something I really don't feel up to saying/doing. Being forceful of him saying "I love you" may have a negative effect on him. It might be a good idea to drop it. Maybe he thinks the relationship is going too fast or having a hard time with the distance? I can't speak for guys since I am a girl, but I can say for a fact I have done some stupid things cause I was fustrated with distance...

 

In a long distance relationship, communication is the key. The more time you can spend and relate to each others life the better. Not saying you need to spend all day with them since the amount of time you have in your life varies. Plus you still need some personal time. For any relationship to work, both people have to be commited to it. Maybe he just is confused and not as into it anymore? You can try talking to him about your concerns about what is happening to the relationship. What does he want? What do you want? If he doesn't open up to you, there is no way to force it, but maybe just talk about how you feel. Leave it up in the air for him. If he doesn't open up, maybe he has a hard time with saying how he feels or is just not into it.

 

Don't make your life revovle around the hope that he will be online for you to talk with. It can drive you nuts waiting... trust me. Instead, try to keep yourself busy, but not so busy you have no time for him like he seems to be for you right now. Just don't be there waiting at his beck and call. Sorry to say, but life will go on with or without him there. You need to get your life going. He may realize when you are not always available to him that he misses you... maybe that will bring him out of his shell. But then maybe he will just drift more. No one can say.