CIE Posted January 21, 2006 Share Posted January 21, 2006 I have been in a long distance relationship with a girl for 2 years this january. We met online, and we've never met in person. We talk together every day, sometimes just to talk about or day and such, but mostly we find time to play online computer games together. I'm not really in the mood to go into the finer details of our relationship right now, its 7am and I havent been able to sleep. Long story short I finished college about 6 months ago and I've been looking for a job since. I just found one last week and am just now starting to ease into it. She was supportive thru the whole ordeal, I obviously felt worthless at not getting a job but she was there to encourage me and support me. This all seem pretty nice right now, but here comes the part that keeps me up at night. I havent heard her voice in 1 and 1/2 years. The pictures she gave me are doubtful at best. I keep getting the distinct feeling that though she's sincere about her feelings for me, Im in the dark about almost everything. Its like she's right there, out of my reach, and its all her doing. I feel disconnected and distant from everything. I feel numb inside, like nothing is really important. I just want her to stop giving me bull**** excuses about how she cant find the money to buy a 20-30$ microphone so that she can talk to me via teamspeak or ventrillo (voice chat programs), when she admitedly works 15-20 hours a week part time. And I'm just tiered of having to ask for more pictures, regular pictures mind you, because i know that when I ask she will just get upset and turn it around on me, in an attempt to deflect the subject. I know that most of you will say to just let her go and go on and find someone closer who will care for me and treat me right, but I fear that Im just too numb and distanced inside to really care anymore. Meanwhile, my only way to fall asleep is to wait around until I pass out from exhaustion and wake up 4-6 hours later having to go to work. So anyone have any advice, or can offer any help, I would appreciate it. I would really like to make my LDR with her work, I really dont feel quite as numb when we're talking together. Link to post Share on other sites
dnm1010 Posted January 21, 2006 Share Posted January 21, 2006 cant u call her on the phone.. maybe shes scared u wont like her in person.. honestly i think after this long you should meet her atleast.. just to know ure not wasting your time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CIE Posted January 21, 2006 Author Share Posted January 21, 2006 That was my opinion too, that she thinks I wont like her in person. Maybe she's younger than she says she is, maybe shes nothing like the pictures she gave me. In the end though those things are pretty meaningless to me. Age wise theres is a point where it would matter, im only 23 years old so if she was much younger than what shes been telling me then i would be morally obligated to take it into consideration, but her looks were never a big factor when it came to my feelings for her. It is my intention to ask her if it would be possible to finally meet up this summer. She will no doubt do like the pictures and turn it around on me and try to make me feel bad for even asking. Link to post Share on other sites
dnm1010 Posted January 21, 2006 Share Posted January 21, 2006 can u surprise her? lol why dont u bring the topic with her that ure scared she wont like u when she sees u and blablabla (all the feelings u think she might be having) and then say that u dont even care hwo she looks etc... did that amke any sense what i said lol Link to post Share on other sites
Astarte Posted January 21, 2006 Share Posted January 21, 2006 Puuuh...why don't you ask her straight if she has a certain fear to really show herself ? And at the same time give her the feeling, that you're fine with her (if you are) ? Two years is really a long time for not having gotten closer... I met my lover online aswell (in a forum) and after few weeks we were very close and eversince phone daily and send each other parcels and letters and stuff, apart from piccies and vids and after eight months we met in the flesh...it was amazing and well, we are it... In the beginning I had that, too, worrying if he really would like me and then I thought, wtf, I really enjoy him and start falling in love, so if I show or tell him crap now, it will be very destructive, I decided not to hide anything and I thank God I didn't... Voice is a very powerful means, you really should move heaven and earth to get to talk to her and I agree with dnm1010, can't you call her ? Lots of luck for both of you !! Link to post Share on other sites
Author CIE Posted January 22, 2006 Author Share Posted January 22, 2006 The reason i cant really call is that her parent arent really aware that she's been with me. My parents are, and they keep asking me when she is coming down here or when Ill go see her. All I find to say is to ask her themselves. If you ask me, the reason for all this is that she is really younger than she is admitting. Its the only explanation that can account for the fake pictures, the lack of voice communication and the reluctance to meet in person. Link to post Share on other sites
bluetuesday Posted January 22, 2006 Share Posted January 22, 2006 CIE, i feel for you, i really do. i don't think it's true that you feel totally numb. you posted about it, you must have some will to find out what is going on and to make things different. honestly - she has not been truthful with you. she may be younger, she may be a lot older and married with kids. she may be a 'he' who's voice has now broken and who can't hide the fact he doesn't sound like a girl any more. all of this is horrible for you to deal with. i am very sorry you're going through it. but you are not alone. i met someone online who wasn't what i thought and i also got burned. believe me, the hurt passes and you move on and once you have you're so glad to be out the other side and you can't see what all the fuss and hurt was about. this WILL pass for you too. cutting this friend out of your life will be hard, but it is necessary for you to move on. a true friend would not deceive you. a true friend would not put you through this. you know deep inside that even though you don't want to be told to let this go, a good relationship would never make you feel drained and hopeless. CIE, you sound like you've got a lot going for you. you've got a family who care what you're up to, you've put yourself through college and now you have a new job. there is a lot to look forward to and through posting this problem, you've shown you have the will for this situation to be different too. that's a great first step. you're already on your way out of this. i'm sure i speak for the entire LS community when i say we're all here for you, and wish you well. Link to post Share on other sites
goodiegummdrops Posted January 22, 2006 Share Posted January 22, 2006 okay so i have been talking to a guy for about 2 years...i am head over heels about him.we have never meet face to face, but we have exchanged pictures and have gotten really close these past few months talking almost daily on the computer. hes 18 and i am 14. you said you were 23, how old is she? we plan to meet in july. he feels the same way i feel. i have helped him get through some really tough times and hes helped me when this whole LDR thing gets really exhausting...but we arnt like 'going out' im not his girlfriend hes not my boyfriend..like we have a relationship...but not the relationship i want it to be, or what i call a 'real' relationship((let me know if thats understandable))like yeah sometimes i think hes not who he says he is and like it is crazy how perfect we are together..but the cards we have been dealt.it is very hard.one time i was so doubtful i felt i needed to have proof of him.((it was very exhausting at that moment))he doesnt get good service on his cell phone, and its long-distance.for him with college and work its easier for him to talk on the computer.yeah i kind of needed him to call me but he didnt.when u said that your girl kind of makes you feel like it was your fault and turns it on you, hes never done that to me. hes been understanding and i have been. but like i am wanting a relationship that is not possible. yeah sometimes i want physical things and he understands that..but i dont want anything unless its with him.when he says he undrstands i think he just tells me that so he knows he can sleep at night, i think that if you love someone that you shouldnt want them with anyone else..he wishing the best for me though.. but i dont think he understands that he is the best thing for me.with your situation, the girl is scared to death to meet you face to face...let alone talk to you on the phone or over the computer..its normal to have doubts about the situation but dont give up.you said that 'I fear that Im just too numb and distanced inside to really care anymore' but u cant fall asleep.and you are getting help. Obviously you care enough to try and get help, and you said u really wanted to make this LDR with her work.you care about her a great deal. and u need to crack open that shell and find out why she doesnt want to meet or talk on the phone.she is probably nervous and scared, and she doesnt know what to expect.just inconspicuosly find out why she wont get a mic. and find out really why she is scared to take that next step. if you want to talk or have any questions..IM me at xprettyxpearlsx3 or email me at [email protected] best of luck and just give it time and be patient, everything happens for a reason. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CIE Posted January 22, 2006 Author Share Posted January 22, 2006 The possibility that she was older had crossed my mind, but after thinking long and hard about how she acts when we are together (the problems in my original post aside) lead me to think that she isint older than I am. She often acts irrationally or hastly without any consideration. You are right, I do want out of this situation. I guess I just want a solution that doesnt invole me leaving her if at all possible. As for the feeling numb part, I think what I meant by that is that, when I wrote it I really felt like just falling apart and crying it out to get it out of my system, but I couldnt. I use to be able to but I cant. Im not being too "macho" about it, its just as if I build defences around myself preventing me from it. Goodie, you asked how old she is. She told me she is 19, turning 20 in a few weeks. She's told me many times that once she finishes school she plans to come and live here with me. She doesnt live that far away, a day's worth of driving or a 2-3 hour plane ride. I offered many times to just take a greyhound to stay for a day, or take the first plane out from my town and then leave the same day on the last flight out. Im not asking her to come live here with me, just to spend a day, but still it's a no go. Link to post Share on other sites
konfuzd Posted January 22, 2006 Share Posted January 22, 2006 Sorry if this sounds a bit blunt, but at 23, are you not beyond the point of sneaking around a girl's parents to date her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author CIE Posted January 22, 2006 Author Share Posted January 22, 2006 Its not my idea, i would love nothing more than for her parents to accept me and our relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Astarte Posted January 22, 2006 Share Posted January 22, 2006 And it can't be that her parents are always around... And, what's wrong if a guy - a friend - calls the daughter ? Really, talk to her, tell her that you are craving to talk to her and you will call her NOW and if she refuses, say straight, that it makes you feel awful and that you get doubts, if she really takes you and the relationship serious, maybe that gets her out of her shell....it lasts too long to be so strange...whatever... You need to be sure what do deal with before you can deal with something. I wish you luck... Link to post Share on other sites
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