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My LDR boyfriend of 7 years betrayed me

Long-Distance Relationships Coping with geographical distance can make or break a LDR. Share your experiences and questions here.

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Old 14th March 2019, 5:53 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by Normm View Post
Most people don't get closure when they're dumped. Even if they're given a reason, oftentimes it isn't the full reason or even the right reason, it's just something the dumper puts out there.

Even if you find out there was another girl, so what? Even if you find out there's no wedding scheduled, what changes? Even if there's no evidence of a girl, no difference. It all comes down to this. He didn't want to be with you anymore. Does it really matter why? From what you describe the guy was really into you but finally got sick of your bitterness that came about after your fast marriage and divorce.

Sooner you let it go the better off you will be.

I wasn’t bitter the whole time this was like 4 years ago and he left me then he came back I apologized for how I was acting and he apologized for leaving we got back together.

I dumped him before but with respect to his feelings, I provided a closure and a real reason too. The post was long so I think most people missed the part when I said that I tried to end things with him last summer he held me back and promised me he will move forward with me this year. Actually just two weeks ago he asked me to not give up on him because he’s really working on his moving plan, and he’s still applying for jobs etc

I don’t know really know where did I state that I want him back or I want him to have me back. I let go already, him sending me a wedding card was it for me. I deleted everything I blocked him on every channel he could ever use to contact me. I blocked his number. I closed all doors and I gave myself the closure I need. Wether this wedding or this girl are real or not I don’t really care at this point nor I want to know. The thing that hurt me was that I tried to end things many times because I know how hard this situation was for him and for me too, but every time I tried to do so he used to hold me back he used to tell me it’s gonna work just stay and have faith! I stayed and I had faith in him and well that’s what happened.

I’m here to take things off of my chest, to find responses that could help. That’s all

Thank you for response
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Old 16th March 2019, 12:34 PM   #17
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Originally Posted by Nada99 View Post
Iím not sure to be honest, it does sound odd. It was out of no where but the wedding invitation looked real with his name in there, he covered the girlís name,

Was it your name?

Yes, I have done a full read but I might have missed something.... Just seems really strange as you describe, but was your name on the invitation? Did you spit the dummy to quick?

It is not uncommon to be married in 2 counties for legal/immigration reasons. Or for both families and friends of both parties.

Please tell me I am wrong!!!
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Old 16th March 2019, 1:22 PM   #18
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Originally Posted by Caauug View Post
Yes, I have done a full read but I might have missed something.... Just seems really strange as you describe, but was your name on the invitation? Did you spit the dummy to quick?
Why would OP's name be on the invitation?

He's marrying someone else.
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Old 16th March 2019, 1:42 PM   #19
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Awww, I'm so sorry. You went through so much with your arranged wedding and your parents, and I'm so glad they have accepted your decision to divorce and want your happiness now. That is a blessing. Maybe this is what it took to become the adult you are now in the eyes of your parents. I don't want you to lose sight of the fact that now you are free to meet someone of your own choosing and fall in love and marry (or choose not to marry at all if it would be your wish).

I believe you two really do love each other and that he hasn't betrayed you in that way, but I just think he is being practical and that he realizes this long-distnace relationship (and him with no job sometimes) is a whole lot of hurdles and who even knows if it could be worked out for one of you to live in the other's country or not.

And you have to be realistic about this: Men don't go years without sex or seeing women! They just don't. And to be fair, you didn't, though it wasn't of your choosing. I don't think that means he didn't care, but I do think that some of his crying may have been guilt and knowing all the fears he had of trying to go forward. You see, his family had reservations too and probably brought him down to earth about the challenges and expense he would face. I think it was just impractical.

I'm not sure he's really married either, but he could be. He might have been all along for all we know, but I choose to believe he cared about you because he did know what type of woman you are and still made sure to come see you and propose and everything.

I just don't think you need to wait for him, though. He's made up his mind and taken steps to stop the relationship twice now. If he shows back up, he better be ready to really move forward and not just keep you waiting for years, right?

But right now, you go out and feel your freedom and try to date a few guys and go out and have fun with friends and do fun things, and do NOT waste this beautiful time of your youth sitting around sad and depressed. Your life is now in your own hands, and you need to get out there and live it. You will be okay no matter what happens. I hope you meet someone you really like right there locally so you don't have these hurdles. If it is normal for men there to be controlling, then list yourself as unconventional and tell them on your profile you want an equal partner.

Good luck.
"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln
"The greatness of a nation & its moral progress can be judged by the way in its animals are treated." -Gandhi
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