Jordvn Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 (edited) Me & my girlfriend have been together for about 4 months. Its long distance, and we meet up about every month. When she was taking a shower, I went through her phone. I saw on her instagram messages shes been talking to other guys. One guy in particular has been flirting with her a lot, and I notice she likes his pictures all the time. She's been responding to a lot of his posts too. She has no pictures of us on her profile, but I have pictures of us. It kinda hurts because she's suppose to be my GF right? What should I do? Edited January 20, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Fix spacing and move to LDR Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 say you spend a weekend together every month. That means that you have spent a total of 8 days in physical contact with each other. Why did you put up pics of you and her together when you both have spend a few weekends in each other's company? Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 The proof is in the phone....she doesn't take your arrangement seriously. She's monkey branching. You can either just walk, ask her how she sees your relationship, confront her with what you know, or ignore it. Link to post Share on other sites
AriesDude Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 Yeah so you found out what kind of person she is on social media. Even if she isnt cheating, is just over friendly with a good friend she clearly hasnt told you much about, doesnt mention that she has a boyfriend when someone flirts with her.... yeah you gotta ask yourself, can you see yourself getting married to someone like that? The doubts are already killing you so i doubt it...well then you know what to do man. Move on and find someone that will appreciate you more and like posting photos as much as you do(a lot of girls out there like that) Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 You snooped. If you found real dirt, I'd tell you to just be done. But here you found a guy flirting with her. You didn't say she was flirting with him. Her liking some photos is not big deal. You need to figure out why you are so distrustful that you felt the need to snoop. Now you have to talk to her about what you think you found & how her failure to post pictures of you two hurts your feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Kelliousme Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 You've been together for 4 months and you only see each other monthly.. that's actually concerning to me. Personally I don't think long distance is sustainable, unless we're talking about a couple that's been together for AGES. Obviously that's not the case here. She's might be seeking attention elsewhere when she's not with you.. Anyways, if I were you I would see it as a red flag. I would NOT want my partner flirting with another person even on social media. Yes, liking ALL his posts and whatnot IS considered flirting too. So yeah.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Osho Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 I will never look through a phone again. If I feel the urge to do that I know immediately I’m with the wrong person. It’s not something I have a habit of doing. So for me to not trust whoever I’m committed to is a red flag for myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jordvn Posted January 18, 2019 Author Share Posted January 18, 2019 Yeah long distance is hard, and I feel insecure because she's so far away. I don't know what she's doing when I'm not with her. That guy she's been talking to is better looking than me I must admit. She may not be flirting with him directly, but liking his selfies and laughing at his jokes pisses me off. Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 (edited) Given the time you have dated and the scarcity of the time you spend together I would not characterize her as your GF. Edited January 18, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 You need to get rid and find someone close by. This is unsustainable long term as you have not spent the time building bonds to keep you together despite the long distance. Once you are out of sight she is looking for another guy to keep her amused. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 Yeah long distance is hard, and I feel insecure because she's so far away. I don't know what she's doing when I'm not with her. That guy she's been talking to is better looking than me I must admit. She may not be flirting with him directly, but liking his selfies and laughing at his jokes pisses me off. If you're the kind of person who gets insecure easily, then long distance relationships are not feasible for you. In the future, it could make sense to date locally. Seeing someone only once a month isn't truly getting to know them. You seem rather possessive with unrealistic expectations. If a man tells me a joke and I laugh, that doesn't mean that I am going to cheat on my husband with him. Liking a man's selfies is also completely innocuous. Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 Me & my girlfriend have been together for about 4 months. Its long distance, and we meet up about every month. When she was taking a shower, I went through her phone. I saw on her instagram messages shes been talking to other guys. One guy in particular has been flirting with her a lot, and I notice she likes his pictures all the time. She's been responding to a lot of his posts too. She has no pictures of us on her profile, but I have pictures of us. It kinda hurts because she's suppose to be my GF right? What should I do? The messages. Are they flirtatious or sexting? If so you should breakup in my opinion. No one in a exclusivie monogamous relationship should put up with that. If not flirting or sexting but it's still doesn't feel okay then you have to decide if you can accept these feelings. If you cannot accept you have to make a decision if this is a boundary for you that if she chose not to respect it your going to have to let her go. If you decide this is an important boundary then you tell her "Babe I have an problem with you messaging other guys". If she doesn't respond favorably let her go. Same for the couples picture or some sort of public recognition that she has a man. If you can accept don't rock the boat. If you can't accept and think she should put up a picture then say "babe it would make me happy if you post a picture of us like I did". If she doesn't respond favorably you got to let her go. You have to decide what you will and will not accept and be prepared to possibly be single and be okay with that. Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 A long distance relationship of 4 months is a foundation built on sand. I'd move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
doyathinkso Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 Should you be worried?? Yes, I suppose. But, just 4 meetups in 4 months? Not much of relationship really. She could have three or four guys like you in the stable. You can see what she's like. If that's not what you are interested in move on. No great loss. If I was you I would just ghost her. Link to post Share on other sites
Interstellar Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 (edited) That’s what happens when you do long distance. One person eventually gets tired. They just don’t work. 100 percent of the time it’s a crapshoot and if she’s attractive-very attractive? Forget about it she’ll eventually get tired of turning guys down for dates. It’s over. I’ll find someone who lives closer. Take this as a learning experience. It’s gonna make you stronger for the next gal in the next relationship. Edited January 18, 2019 by Interstellar Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 This is what happens with LDR's....most are not sustainable because of the lack of attention, and physical contact. She's lonely, so she is monkey branching with this guy. TBH when it gets like this, she's already stepping out of your relationship. You should just tell her this isn't working out and you are moving on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jordvn Posted January 18, 2019 Author Share Posted January 18, 2019 This is what happens with LDR's....most are not sustainable because of the lack of attention, and physical contact. She's lonely, so she is monkey branching with this guy. TBH when it gets like this, she's already stepping out of your relationship. You should just tell her this isn't working out and you are moving on. Monkey branching, swinging from one guy to the next? I could see that. She does like attention I give her, like sending her flowers all the time, but maybe it's not enough since she's talking to someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
manfrombelow2 Posted January 19, 2019 Share Posted January 19, 2019 1/ 4 months are too early to really build a healthy & stable relationship, because the two of you haven't had enough time to truly form a union between yourselves. There are couples who can only meet a few times per year because they are in different countries, so the fact you both can meet up to once per month is still a lucky thing. Me & my girlfriend have been together for about 4 months. Its long distance, and we meet up about every month. 2/ The real ugliness here lies not in your violation of her privacy (although it's already very bad), but in the fact that you FELT THE NEED to do it. You did it out of fear of losing her because you were insecured and jealous, which communicates that you are needy and clingy in this relationship with her. When she was taking a shower, I went through her phone 3/ So what? What others (your gf included) do in their private and leisure time on their social media sites are completely none of your business and totally out of your control. So why would you waste your time trying to beat yourself up over something completely and totally out of your control and none of your business? I repeat, what your woman does on Instagram or Facebook is totally none of your business. You should have accepted this truth before entering into any relationships. Your worry and concern over the fact that she "liked" this guy's pictures are coming from a place of fear. The fear of losing her. You have this fear because you are insecured, needy and clingy. And what we fear eventually come true, but what we ignore eventually disappear. I saw on her instagram messages shes been talking to other guys. One guy in particular has been flirting with her a lot, and I notice she likes his pictures all the time. She's been responding to a lot of his posts too. 4/ You have her photos on your online profile because you have made her the center of your life. You have pedestalized her. You are needing her more than she (seemingly) needs you. And this is NOT her fault. This is your fault for not being centered. Yes she is your girlfriend for now, but she will be very likely not anymore if you keep allowing insecurity, neediness, clinginess and jealousy to consume you to the point where eventually she will suffocate and break up with you for good. 5/ Go out. Resume old relationships with your friends, colleagues, female friends (especially female friends). Hit the gym. Go climbing. Learn a new foreign language. Do anything that makes you happy and help occupied your mind with things other than herself. This is the only correct option for you to stop being NEEDY, CLINGY AND INSECURED in this relationship, which is the source of your suffering right now. And most importantly, buy & read the book "How To Be A 3% Man" by Corey Wayne (can be found easily on Amazon), which helped enlighten myself and better my relationships. What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
manfrombelow2 Posted January 19, 2019 Share Posted January 19, 2019 Please don't jump on the Blame Train so easily. Yes, LDR is a losing game but it's another different story. Here, in your very case, the root of all problems you are facing is all coming from YOU. You are insecured, needy and clingy. And this sends a message to her unconsciousness that you are weak and unworthy, without her even realizing it. And the more this goes on, the more her interest level in you drops gradually to the point that one day she just doesn't feel "it" anymore. And she will be likely to say something like "I'm sorry but I'm confused" or "I need time to think about us" or stuff like that. So, the very first thing you should do is to take OWNERSHIP for your mistakes and wrongdoings instead of blaming her (which, by the way, is also a very feminine thing to do). I know blaming others is easier, but think about it, if all you do is blaming others, then WHEN WILL YOU LEARN from your mistakes? Women want mentally strong men, not cheesy guys who watch too many movies to do stuff like "sending her flowers ALL THE TIME" (seriously?) Monkey branching, swinging from one guy to the next? I could see that. She does like attention I give her, like sending her flowers all the time, but maybe it's not enough since she's talking to someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 19, 2019 Share Posted January 19, 2019 She does like attention I give her, like sending her flowers all the time, but maybe it's not enough since she's talking to someone else. Flowers are nice to receive, but they don't really count towards sustaining a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted January 26, 2019 Share Posted January 26, 2019 should I be worried? Up to you. Worried about her liking someone else? Yes. Worried about getting closer to someone else? Yes. Worried she will share more than she'd be supposed to? Yes. What should I do? She might have a goal in mind, not sure if it's her case. At times, these instagram addicts would make a deal with the devil in order to reach numbers that will make them make a lot of money and become influencers. Unfortunately, many teenagers want to be that. Again, it might not be her case, I don't know. But maybe. Not to mention that takes up a lot of time, and I mean A LOT. Flirting is part of the job. Pleasing others to keep them interested and follow you is part of the job too. So you have a potential w-ore in your hands. Sorry if that sounds offensive to you, but it doesn't mean to me. No judgment. Link to post Share on other sites
OneWayLove Posted January 31, 2019 Share Posted January 31, 2019 (edited) I think you should talk to her seriously. If she really loves you it will be alright. Flowers are not enough though it is good to receive them. Spending time to a love ones is better. Edited January 31, 2019 by OneWayLove Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts