TestAnto Posted August 25, 2018 Share Posted August 25, 2018 I was in a relationship with my girlfriend for 2 years (LDR). We met each other a few times. Few years ago (2 years) we broke up because of distance and due to some of my issues (I was being very jealous etc). She is 17 years old, I am 19. In the meantime we both tried to get back since we really love each other (many times), but her parents hate me and distance is still an issue. At some point we were no contact for a year, and even though that time I was permanently gone (I had her blocked everywhere so I could move on), she tried to get a boyfriend but didn't because no one was like me. Few months later she pmed me on my birthday, she made a lot of effort to talk to me, and we have been talking a lot since then (since January 2018). We really have fun and my feelings for her are the same. After some point we expressed our feelings for each other but she still said how it's really hard for us to get back because of distance and her parents. She currently lives with her parents so they really affect her. She talked to me a lot about it, told me how she really wants this to work but it's impossible for now. She promised me we will get back together in 2 years if there is still love between us (in 2 years is when she will definitely be able to move out and leave her parents / plus be an adult, and that's also when I will be able to permanently move to where she is). She said if she doesn't fall in love in the meantime, or if I don't fall in love, we will be together. But that kind of hurt me and I am not sure how to perceive it. She told me she won't be looking for somone else, and that she doesn't need anyone, but basically she told me she wants someone next to her, and that she can't wait 2 whole years for us. She said many times how she really loves me and wants to be with me, even cried on phone, but her telling me something like this destroyed me. Like, how can she even think of falling in love with someone else? If she really did love me, why wouldn't she wait 2 years for us and stay as friends in the meantime? She told me she wants to talk to me. I know her very well and she has done a lot of things for me. Even went as far as rejecting others because of me EVEN THOUGH that time I was permanently gone, and she also used to tell some friends of mine how she misses me and loves me etc. I really don't know what to do. I feel like staying at this point, but I also feel like leaving. I know her very well, and I don't want to leave her like that, especially after what she has done and after what we have both gone through. We truly love each other. But her telling me she will be with me if she doesn't fall in love with someone else (or if I don't), and that she wants someone next to her and can't wait 2 years make me want to leave. Any advices please? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 25, 2018 Share Posted August 25, 2018 LDRs are hard enough under the best of circumstances when the people involved are adults with the means to travel to each other & a plan to close the distance. I hate to see 2 teens wasting the best years of their lives on a pipe dream. Her idea that she will be independent when she's 19 is a young girl's unrealistic dream. If she plans to go to college she needs to finish school, get a job then worry about some boy she has played at being in love with since age 15. Part of the allure for you both is the utter tragedy desperation of the whole thing; you think you are start crossed lovers. If you had been in a conventional relationship this would have fizzled a long time ago. You can stay in touch if you like but you are limiting both of your lives. Make some sort of plan that you will meet after you both graduate from college & have jobs. That is more realistic then your plan to meet when she's 19. Meanwhile binge watch a bunch of the rom-coms where people make these promises to each other & it never works out. The one that comes to mind is My Best Friend's Wedding. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 25, 2018 Share Posted August 25, 2018 She's too young to wait for 2 years, and I am going to say the same for you. People change so much in their teens and early twenties, and it's a period marked by exploration and meeting new people, having new experiences. She is right to caution you that she could very well fall in love with someone else. And as d0nnivain rightly points out, she more than likely won't be truly independent at 19. Few are. You don't mention it in your post, but why are you long-distance? How did you meet? Link to post Share on other sites
Author TestAnto Posted August 25, 2018 Author Share Posted August 25, 2018 (edited) She's too young to wait for 2 years, and I am going to say the same for you. People change so much in their teens and early twenties, and it's a period marked by exploration and meeting new people, having new experiences. She is right to caution you that she could very well fall in love with someone else. And as d0nnivain rightly points out, she more than likely won't be truly independent at 19. Few are. You don't mention it in your post, but why are you long-distance? How did you meet? I met her on the internet. Then at some point we met each other in real life, and we have done that a very few times (approximately 8-10). I am currently studying Psychology at the University, so moving to her is impossible. It really hurts reading all of what you guys are saying, but unfortunately it's the truth. I have been with this girl for years, and I can't imagine my life with someone else and not her. But I guess I have to suck it up for now and try to move on. I know it will break her when I tell her I am leaving and cutting off any contact. She told me many times she wants to talk to me and told me ''If you cut contact it means you don't really love me''. I hate that. I will talk to her on phone later tonight and just say a sweet goodbye. I will truly miss her. Edited August 25, 2018 by TestAnto Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 25, 2018 Share Posted August 25, 2018 I know it will break her when I tell her I am leaving and cutting off any contact. She told me many times she wants to talk to me and told me ''If you cut contact it means you don't really love me''. I hate that. This is her immaturity and typical teenage self-centeredness speaking. It's manipulative, though I am sure she isn't intentionally being malicious. She will get over it, one day. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted August 25, 2018 Share Posted August 25, 2018 She is 17 years old, I am 19 -- That is the root of your issue PERIOD. It's difficult enough for mature adults to maintain a long distance relationship. You two have not spent much time together over that two year period it appears. So, I'd say you really aren't in love with each other, you're in love with the idea of a relationship and the "vision" you have. But her telling me she will be with me if she doesn't fall in love with someone else (or if I don't), and that she wants someone next to her and can't wait 2 years make me want to leave. -- She is telling you that she is "ready" to move on now and essentially manipulating you, I'd say. You can't possibly know her on a deep enough level. Find yourself a girl who lives near you and cut this one loose. Date a few girls over time and just enjoy being young. You're too young to be fretting over a relationship. It should be fun and it should be mutually satisfying and it should be quality time spent together. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TestAnto Posted August 25, 2018 Author Share Posted August 25, 2018 She is 17 years old, I am 19 -- That is the root of your issue PERIOD. It's difficult enough for mature adults to maintain a long distance relationship. You two have not spent much time together over that two year period it appears. So, I'd say you really aren't in love with each other, you're in love with the idea of a relationship and the "vision" you have. But her telling me she will be with me if she doesn't fall in love with someone else (or if I don't), and that she wants someone next to her and can't wait 2 years make me want to leave. -- She is telling you that she is "ready" to move on now and essentially manipulating you, I'd say. You can't possibly know her on a deep enough level. Find yourself a girl who lives near you and cut this one loose. Date a few girls over time and just enjoy being young. You're too young to be fretting over a relationship. It should be fun and it should be mutually satisfying and it should be quality time spent together. I don't want to question my feelings, and I can safely say I love this person. We have been knowing each other for years and we have met in person a few times aswell. My feelings for her are still the same, even though when I met her I was 15 and now I am 19. But that does not matter anymore. I have posted on several websites and all of you are advising me to just leave. And it seems that you are right. It hurts me doing something like that, but I will get over it. I wil truly miss her and she will always be a special person for me that I will always care about. I honestly don't 'need' a girlfriend. I never felt lonely, but if it happens, it happens. I am not going to look for anyone, I don't really want that. Plus the whole thingy with my ex has 'shocked' me a bit and I am definitely not ready for a new relationship. Tonight I will call her on the phone and tell her everything. Thank you all for your advices. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 26, 2018 Share Posted August 26, 2018 You're doing the right thing, OP. You two will change so much in the next couple years that the likelihood of both of you maintaining a mutual interest is low. That is true even when a couple at your ages lives in the same area and sees each other regularly, by virtue of where you're both at in life. You could perhaps be friendly again in the future, but for now, you are best to let it go. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts