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-   -   Is long distance worth it? (https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/long-distance-relationships/647698-long-distance-worth)

lovingandry 1st January 2018 10:23 PM

Is long distance worth it?
 
I’ve been in many relationships in the past but most of them ended pretty badly. I’m honestly running out of options and I’m not getting any younger. Each day goes by where I think to myself if I should be starting a family already but I no longer have it in me to get back into the dating phase. I doubt that I can find someone who I can settle down with.

These past few years, I’ve invested my time and effort into my career and now my family has been asking questions about me when I’m going to find a girlfriend. They’ve suggested some methods of dating such as romance tours and online dating but I have yet to personally try them out.
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Before I move further, I would like to ask for some insight if long distance relationships are worth it? I’ve heard that most don’t usually work out but many who have tried online dating were able to find the love of their lives.

I’m eager to get back into dating through this but I have never actually tried long distance before. Any opinions or personal views will greatly help me out. Please guys, I need your help on this. Thank you in advance for your response.

Popsicle 2nd January 2018 5:21 AM

I think those who are successful with "online international dating" don't question. They just have faith, no, they think it's the greatest thing since sliced bread even, and they just do it. That is probably the best way to approach it and to not have doubts.

Elswyth 2nd January 2018 6:14 AM

The SO and I were in a LDR and it was absolutely worth it for us.

That being said, intentionally getting into a LDR (which is what you appear to be considering) sounds like an absolutely terrible idea to me. :eek: Most of us who have been in LDRs did it because the person we were with had to move for whatever reason, or we connected with them in a way that we have never connected with anyone else and they just happened to live in a different country. We didn't set out intentionally hoping to date someone that lives 10 timezones away and that costs $2000 to see each time.

Make no mistake, LDRs are a sacrifice and an investment, not something you get into lightly. It makes zero sense to me to "date internationally" unless you are already sure that this person is likely the one for you.

Chilli 2nd January 2018 11:12 AM

Well said pop. fully agree.

lg , yep if you fall in love with one of these women you won't be asking whether to or not.

Mine , sadly we just couldn't swing it in the end , it's too complicated,to explain but yeah there were sacrifices and lots of time apart but ya don't mind so much if you love each other until you can sort out being together properly.

But of course you've gotta see each other enough in the meantime too , to really know.

Funny thing, l only just recently found out 2 of my nephews haven't seen in yrs are both married to girls in other countries

central 2nd January 2018 12:17 PM

I've done the LDR thing, and I would not do it again. If you can't see each other frequently, you can't learn enough to know if you're compatible, and if you marry, you may find that you've made a mistake, or their goal is simply to get out of whatever country they're in.


If the person is educated, speaks your language, and can easily move into a career if they relocate to where you live, then there is a better chance. Do realize that YOU are fully responsible for them for a number of years if you bring them to this country - they can't get government support in most cases, if things don't work out.


Anyway, I have found it easier to date more locally. Long distance dating is okay, if you can still see each other at least every other weekend. Less than that (usually meaning farther than that), is a huge hurdle to overcome. It may work better if you've spent months together already (for example, you've met them while in college and they've studied here for years).


A normal dating progression takes about 2 years to know someone well enough to decide to marry, and that's with seeing each other several times a week or even living together after a while. In LDRs, it could take over a decade to get the same level of familiarity, knowledge, and trust - and since that won't happen, your risks of a mistake are far higher.


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