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relationship issues made worse by long distance!

Long-Distance Relationships Coping with geographical distance can make or break a LDR. Share your experiences and questions here.

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Old 5th November 2017, 6:48 PM   #1
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relationship issues made worse by long distance!

My partner of 2 years lives in another city - only 2 hours away & we see each other in weekends.
We have quite different lives - I have children at home, a business & alot of responsibilities to meet. I pretty much work & go home & don't socialise alot.

He on the other hand is alot more outgoing, has few responsibilities & a heap of friends that he socialises with regularly. Alot of his friends are females which is actually something I guess I like about him, that he is so open & friendly. There is one particular female friend that I have an issue with.

I don't ever feel that there is anything romantic between them, in fact positive there's not (which his other friends and him have confirmed)but I feel she constantly undermines me & likes his attention. I have read texts she has sent him, just kind of causing trouble asking if we are arguing yet when I'm with him.

She would be his closest female friend & I have been told by another friend that she caused trouble in his last relationship too. There are just lots of little things that bug me, too many to mention but I am sure she would be happy if we were apart so she had all the attention. Like the other weekend he was staying with me & she text when are you coming home. It is just annoying & if I say anything he thinks I'm jealous & suspicious but I'm not suspicious of romance just wonder how much he tells her & it makes me uncomfortable.

So now I have noticed he seems to have his phone in his pocket probably so I won't get upset about texts but that just makes things worse. I feel like I'm going mad with it all - like is it me or them that's the problem. I don't doubt he loves me but it really is causing problems between us now & just not sure how to handle it?

Last edited by Moderator; 5th November 2017 at 7:31 PM.. Reason: Paragraphs
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Old 6th November 2017, 3:24 AM   #2
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I think the most important factor here is if he lets her meddle. He can't control what she says or does, but he can set a boundary if she is becoming an issue. He knows you don't like the way she interjects herself. Watch and observe how he responds to that.

So far, she seems to mostly just be making an arse out of herself by being a busybody who needs a hobby. Unless and until she directly causes a problem, I would ignore her. The more attention you give her, the more she will enjoy the power she has to get under your skin.
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Old 6th November 2017, 7:58 AM   #3
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If he's lining up with you, take that as a victory. If you think his loyalties are divided, tell him that you feel like a 2nd class citizen
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Old 6th November 2017, 3:56 PM   #4
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He seems to agree with me when I say something but then it just carries on.
Like I would have no idea how much he sees her or tells her when I'm not there. I doubt he would say anything to her, being a man he would think what's the fuss about. But now seems to hide his phone so that I don't see her texts. Just pisses me off & makes it worse.
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Old 8th December 2017, 8:08 AM   #5
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It looks like they are constantly in touch, and the moment you feel it's too much, it's probably too much indeed.

You said he has no responsibilities. So when he's with you, you could have a "no-phone day" or a "no-phone weekend". Can you send the kids out for a weekend for a sleepover? That would guarantee you some time to yourselves, in complete intimacy. He'd learn to enjoy some time away from his phone. Obviously you should arrange nice things that he can enjoy... to make it a blast.

That would definitely p--s her off, considering how attached to him she is.

But if he agrees to that, his reaction might be welcoming, like telling his friends "hey, I couldn't reply, I had a romantic getaway with my girlfriend" or anything along those lines, OR he might hate that behind your back, like "I was forced to switch the phone off for a f no-phone weekend".

It's likely you'd desperately want to know who your boyfriend really is, behind your back. I would. You could install spy software on his phone to see remotely what's going on with him and the people he texts with. For peace of mind or a final breakup. But that wouldn't be legal, would it? And he might hate that if he finds out and lose his trust in you, and lead to a breakup anyway.
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