LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Long-Distance Relationships

How to not be so clingy/obsessive


Long-Distance Relationships Coping with geographical distance can make or break a LDR. Share your experiences and questions here.

Like Tree1Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 25th March 2015, 2:14 AM   #1
New Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 2
How to not be so clingy/obsessive

First off, honestly I don't even know why I'm posting this here. I don't know how much anyone can help but I just wanted to tell someone.

Ok so here's the background, i'm 20 she's 18. I was a virgin, she's a sorority girl who'd been with quite a few guys, she took my virginity. We met on tinder while I was in her college town (i'm moving there next semester for reasons unrelated to her). We texted/talked on phone for 3 months, met about a week and a half ago. Things went pretty well, but honestly she's a little bit too quiet and closed off for me. I guess I really like her because she's my first. For the past 3 months we would literally text/snapchat all day, it never really seemed to get old. I kinda didn't really respond to her texts and took a long time to respond (7 hours) to her snapchat several days ago and now she's kinda done the same. I think she might be pulling away a little because she felt I was. The only reason I did that was because I felt like if we didn't talk so constantly we might create more of a spark.

I feel very obsessive over this girl, I check her FB/twitter all the time etc. She's the first girl I've been with. I made it clear to her that I wanted a relationship next year when I'm living there and she kind of wants a relationship but I'm not sure. She had a bit of a slut phase her first semester and she wanted to settle down a bit I guess. Anyways we haven't talked as much the last few days, it feels kinda weird I guess. Should I just not talk to her or not text first and when I do just try to be really witty or what? I've been a little clingy, not by texting her or calling her constantly, but by what I say. I talk about when I'm gonna move there next year, etc, when I'll be back to see her etc. She's definitly interested but she's not lovey dovey. I was thinking that maybe it would be best to cool it off for a while and see where things are next semester, as in cut communication for a while... I want to stop obsessing over her, I want to make myself seem more unavailble because I think that's what might attract me to her. I really want her. I've got a couple other girls I'm talking to but I almost don't even want to take them out because I like this girl so much. I don't understand women lol. How do I make her want me more like she did in the beginning. How do I assert myself as an alpha, make myself seem unavailble but not unavailble that she can't get me. Should I just start texting way less and when I do be very short and very witty? I guess I'm answering my own questions but I'm just a little confused. Maybe I shouldn't think of her as the one I want to be with and let her come to me, if she does come to me....

I'll see her again in May... But between now and May, and May and August thats a long time. I'm wondering if I should slowly cut communication with her, try to get her off my mind and then start talking to her when I come back in May and then again in August. I really don't want too, we both enjoy talking to each other. I seem to be a lot more of the romantic type (she even told me she's not much of a romantic) and I feel like when I talk romanticlly or about us being together it turns her off, idk. Should I straight up ask her, 'where do we stand, what do you want?' or is that being to needy/clingy because I've already made it clear I wanted a relationship. She told me a while back that she did too, but the last time I told her that we were arguing about something and it didn't get responded to, but that was a while back.

Don't really know where I'm going with this but yeah its nice to get it off my chest.

Last edited by D140; 25th March 2015 at 2:20 AM..
D140 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25th March 2015, 10:55 AM   #2
Established Member
 
jen1447's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Midwest US
Posts: 9,372
So you want a relationship with her, and your plan to make that happen is to cut communication with her?

Stop trying to game the system and just relax and be honest. When you do that, everything takes care of itself.
jen1447 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25th March 2015, 11:00 AM   #3
Established Member
 
kendahke's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: 38.978447, -77.018515
Posts: 6,501
Quote:
Originally Posted by D140 View Post
Should I just not talk to her or not text first and when I do just try to be really witty or what? I've been a little clingy, not by texting her or calling her constantly, but by what I say. I talk about when I'm gonna move there next year, etc, when I'll be back to see her etc. She's definitly interested but she's not lovey dovey. I was thinking that maybe it would be best to cool it off for a while and see where things are next semester, as in cut communication for a while... I want to stop obsessing over her, I want to make myself seem more unavailble because I think that's what might attract me to her. I really want her. I've got a couple other girls I'm talking to but I almost don't even want to take them out because I like this girl so much. I don't understand women lol. How do I make her want me more like she did in the beginning. How do I assert myself as an alpha, make myself seem unavailble but not unavailble that she can't get me. Should I just start texting way less and when I do be very short and very witty?
Seriously--stop playing all these games! Try being yourself and quit trying to figure out which mask to put on all the time. Eventually, your real self is going to have to operate and if you're acting like someone you're not then revert to who you are, it's going to turn her off. Be consistent. If it doesn't work out with her, then it doesn't work out. The world will not end.

The truth of your matter is that you ARE obsessing over her, you AREN'T unavailable and the vibe you're giving off will do more to put her off than you being real.

She's your first and now you're sprung, that's all this is.

Don't stop dating other girls. She has not told you she wants to be exclusive and committed to you. She's not interested enough to have made that declaration to you, so don't limit your options with girls who live in your area.
kendahke is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 30th March 2015, 12:45 AM   #4
New Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 2
plz delete this thread
D140 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 30th March 2015, 4:10 PM   #5
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 18,837
The best thing to do is to force yourself to do fun things with friends and hopefully also go out with women when possible. But staying busy doing fun things will help you stop obsessing about her and put things more into perspective. You might even go on a vacation somewhere new because that's a good way to put things into perspective that she is just one girl out of this whole planet covered with girls and that there is more to life than finding a girl.
__________________
"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln
preraph is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2nd April 2015, 9:26 PM   #6
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 527
So you want to have a relationship with a woman that has a history of not having relationships and one that has slept with a lot of men?

I am really starting to wonder why so many men don't seem to follow basic logic or expect any standards from their potential partners. What makes you think that she will be able to bond with you after all of those casual partners?

Think about it and you will maybe realise why things are already starting to fizzle out, she is used to the buzz of a new partner, not the same one. If you ask other women about this, they will tell you what you want to hear or what they are expected to say.
OnlyHonesty is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Obsessive? Jadestone Dating 1 22nd June 2011 3:16 AM
Am I Obsessive? Nitrousve0 Dating 0 26th May 2008 8:45 PM
obsessive friends Guest Friendship 2 3rd July 2006 10:20 AM
Obsessive friends? Way2Go Friendship 1 1st July 2006 10:18 PM
Is this obsessive compulsive? Lady Guest General Relationship Discussion 4 27th May 2003 3:55 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 5:10 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.