Trying to tell my GF to stop talking to him. Good or bad choice?

[LDR1027]

Here's a little background on my situation with my girlfriend and this guy I am worried about.

 

His name is Cody, and my gf and Cody used to date in college (before she met me). They dated for 5 months and broke up because he actually had a longer, serious girlfriend at the same time while he was dating my gf as well. She found out, and broke it off. He was a senior when she was a junior in college which means he left to pursue his career. The interesting fact is they are in the same career field, which means they could cross paths again.

 

I met my gf several months after this event, not knowing this situation unfolded until after she told me about it. Knowing they've had a history together, I began to see him as an 'enemy' per say with no actual evidence to hate the guy (other than he was cheating on my non-gf at the time).

 

Over winter break, her and I stayed at a hotel room for a one-on-one vacation. Her groupme messaging was ringing off the hook while she was showering. I opened it and saw it was from her friend-group groupme (harmless). I exited out of that conversation and saw she was talking to Cody through groupme. I believe he was abroad working which would explain for the groupme rather than text. I read a message he sent which talked about sex they had together and she 'liked' it with a heart on groupme. I don't know why, but that just set off a trigger in me. I gave her the phone and asked to explain. She goes on to say that he says all these things yet she doesn't 'participate' in the conversation (aka talk about sex too).

 

My mindset thinks that he's trying to win her back in a way. He's probably guilty about from when they used to date which has led to him trying to make up for it while her and I are together.

 

I want my girlfriend to stop talking to him, solely because I told her "it was either him or me." I wanted to break up with her after I saw that message. Since she repeatedly says 'he means nothing to me,' shouldn't that mean she would be 100% okay with blocking him out of her life? He also lives 2 hrs away from her now, while I live 9 hours away.

[Heatemyheart89]

Tricky one . I think Cody is being very inappropriate here . I think one of two things need to happen a)she tells Cody to stop talking about sex etc b)she blocks him.It depends on how much you trust her.

[umirano]

Talking to exes, yellow flag

Talking to exes about sex, red flag

 

Source: My experience

[justwhoiam]

I guess she got defensive, and you have all the clues that something's wrong.

 

Based on what you wrote in your other thread, you shouldn't be misled by thinking that everything's fine and that you can go out of your way only twice a year. That won't work in your relationship, if it even works in any relationship.

 

You are 9 hours away from her, I suppose a 9-hour drive. He's 2 hours away. Maybe it's just a coincidence that she doesn't want to leave the area. Or maybe she has hopes. Or that's her chance to keep seeing him.

 

She talks to you only at the end of her day, and I'm not sure to what extent. Probably a few texts or a brief call are easily done, leaving her with plenty of time to do what she feels like doing. Which means, having a date night once a week, or entertaining herself with chats throughout the day. I noticed lots of people are now getting whatsapp addicted. If this groupme chat is anything like whatsapp, and she's hooked, you need to have a serious talk with her in person. She will get defensive and all, like she already did, but if you manage to keep your cool and insist psychologically, she will probably be honest with you.

 

This might lead to a break up. But better now than on the altar.

[justwhoiam]

P.S. Is his last name Johns?

[rocketman122]

I never have contact with ANY woman when im dating someone. its out of respect for them. I dont want them to feel awkward and dont want to cause and problems or tension. I dont believe I could have a friend relationship with a woman. in my mind sex would constantly be there. so no. if it was my lady I would tell her, cody (what a douche name) or me, you will have to decide. if not I would walk away. or just make her jealous and find a female you can talk about sex with. see how fast the situation will turn around.