A break up I can't seem to handle

[PlasmaBlue9]

Hello, and well I have experienced a break up recently. It all started when I met her, online in a game. I just had played with her, and grew interest on her and began loving her. But before that, there was this other dude. She had met the guy before me and kind of had feelings for him. The dude was with another girl at the time, so she couldn't make a move. But when I came to be, she saw that she liked me and went out with me. During the times, we used to play together all the time. Every single day, basically. And I truly loved her, and I thought she did too. I was so happy, never before. Until suddenly she just disappeared. Remember, I had spent everyday with her. I got worried and asked her. She kept saying that "I'll try to be on tomorrow", which never happened. I got super worried, she hasn't been on for 3 weeks now. Has she found someone else?. So I just asked her if she was going to be on ever again, I don't want her to leave me. Then during that month, it was my birthday. I asked her if she could have been on for me.. she never did got on, and I said it was fine. But 2 weeks later, she comes back. Then I start asking her, "You're back? Why didn't you tell me." I then asked the guy to talk to her, and see if she's okay. He was the only person like I know from her. And then she kept not responding to me, I got a little ticked and asked her what's going on. Then she finally said to me "we're done". But she never settled this yet. After a week had passed, us 3 got into a Skype call together. I had my hopes up.. and I asked her "Can you please come back to me?" "I can't". I asked her if she found another, and she nodded. And it was the dude. So I pretended everything was all right from there. It wasn't.

But let me tell you about myself first. I met this girl on a single server, filled with hundreds of people and multiple servers. And I just had asked for Skype. She was the one who said she could. So I grew in love with her, etc. Also, I am the type of person who is not socially interactive. I had made a variety of friends online, but I had a few friends in real life. As I started to play with her, I kind of abandoned my online friends, not playing with them anymore. I wasn't the type of person who would just make friends instantly. And I always dealt with a lot of problems in real life too, discrimination. In real life, people despised the game I played and thought it was crap. I also liked anime too, so they made fun of it. I was the person who wouldn't fit in with the others I guess, I had different interests. But then, my ex was here at the time. She supported me. She cared about me, and loved me. It made me happy, and made me forget about all these problems. She taught me a lot of things during our relationship, things that I never knew that would even exist. She became my everything to me, my life. I wanted to be with her forever. And I can't just make friends, I can't.

But then one of the problems with me and her was that I played with other friends, and she wanted me to let go of them. She knew I was losing friends too, and she just got jealous. She said she lost interest on me. But like I know I am young, but most people don't understand how I really love her. I can't just move on, I can't. I spent a lot of time with her, and she is just going to disappear like that? This isn't right. I don't care what she done to me, all I want is to be with her. And the last time I talked to her she just took me as a friend, and she also said that she wasn't going to be online anymore because she also played another game. This kind of made me drop. I can't just like meet someone, I can't search for someone either. I won't be finding someone exactly or better than her. It's supposed to come naturally right? Well I can't seem to wait for that moment. As of right now, I see my life as like nothing now. What I now do is play by myself most of the time. Even though there are many players on this game, they aren't mature. I play the same game over and over again, and she was the one who showed me to one of the gamemodes. I really don't want to let go. I am also a little scared of talking to her too, asking her to play but she won't actually do it. I can't talk about this to them, I don't really have much of courage to do that. They think everything is alright, but for me it's not.

A part of me, just keeps telling me it's not over. Like I'm kind of going a little crazy cause of that. Because you know why? Let me just say it, but I am 16 years old and my ex is 14. The other guy is 18 years old, and lives in the same state as me. The thing is he's going to college soon, and my ex is only in middle school. How is that going to work out? But if that relationship ends, how is she supposed to come back to me then? I've read a lot of sites about this, and like it keeps telling to do the no contact rule. I keep thinking of her everyday. And like she will play the game here and there right? And I was planning to send her a present since summer, and actually go there next year. I want her back, and I don't really know how to. I don't want it to be over. But after the no contact, aren't you supposed to like just expand from there? I don't know if this thing would work in my current situation. I just cannot let go, I cannot move on. She is the most wonderful girl I have ever seen. But when I talked to her, I couldn't just say something powerful. I don't have the sense to say something "right" for some reason, like it always seem negative. I just keep knowing that we will be together again, I don't know if we can. She broke up with me like 2 weeks before Christmas, and now I am going to hate this for a very long time. She means everything to me, because of my broken life. Please.

 

 

But thank you for reading this, and I hope to see some help or advice on what I can do.

Edited December 25, 2014 by PlasmaBlue9

[IfiKnewThen]

first of all merry christmas...event though this is a sad one for you. i know.

 

i know what its like to fall for someone online and play/share games together etc. its such an emotional pull.

 

people can not fathom how much more emotional it can be than being in person and face to face. when you have to work off of the mind....and emotion....and imagination...you are almost working harder at love... so the break up is so very painful.

 

now i know you might not like to hear this...but you DO have youth on your side. i think the heart heals a bit faster ..because you DO generally have your whole entire life still ahead of you...to fall for someone else again and find someone even better. someone, who you can bond and share more with in time. there lies your hope.

 

she was forthright. she told you she doesnt feel it anymore. take that information and run with it to HELP heal you. there is no guessing. i know youre sad. dont obsess if you can. get out. talk to others. game with a new girl...just move forward.

 

its good u came to this place to vent. so many have gone before you and know what to do, and have had a broken heart just like you. take that wisdom and try to move forward with your life and start somehow beginning to accept shes not a part of it anymore. acceptance is the last stage of grief. it will come to you. first there is denial...and shock and saddness and anger. then comes acceptance. you need to go thru the entire healing process. like a sickness...before you can get well. just avoid getting stuck in any one emotion. the only emotion u want to be left with is accpetance. even if your sad. happiness will come again. hang in there and God bless.

Edited December 25, 2014 by IfiKnewThen

[PlasmaBlue9]

I don't think I could just move on. It hurts so much, started ever since she disappeared for a month. But today, I just sent her a normal message cause it was Christmas.

 

 

I said on Skype "I got a new desktop for Christmas, did you get anything?" "No" "You do anything special today atleast?" "No" "Well, I hope you have a nice Christmas for the rest of today".

 

 

What could this mean, this a "cold shoulder". Like I am thinking now, is that when she said that we would be friends, she didn't mean it. It's just that like a way to break apart.. slowly. But I really don't want to let go. I just have this feeling to keep on fighting for her, like I know I can do it. I don't know, but I actually believe it. I believe I can do this for some reason, like it's like this one thing you can never give up on that you'll know will work. I love her so much all from my heart. Can there be another option, to win her back?.. The type of person I am, I can't come out. I dislike my school and classmates, they hurt me a lot, I won't be seeing someone anytime soon. And in my game, I play the same games, I won't be seeing someone exactly like her or better. I want my pain to end, and for her to heal me. She knows me more than anyone else. She is my everything. There must be another way.

Edited December 26, 2014 by PlasmaBlue9

[justwhoiam]

She's 14. The guy she has a crush on is 18. He's older. That might be part of his appeal. There's not much you can do. Maybe she will soon realize not even that guy is the right one for her.

 

She might friendzone you. Not now. Now she doesn't even seem interested in keeping in touch with you. But it's likely that - if and when she breaks up with the new guy - she might come back to you, to sort of cry on your shoulder.

 

If that happens, you can either play the good friend or not. If you do, the good friend label might stay with you for a long time or forever.

 

Now, it's better you leave her alone. You just come across as needy and annoying, as you are showing you're unable to accept that she doesn't want to be with you.

[HeavenOrHell]

You've never actually met her? You can't want to be with someone forever if you havent actually spent any time with them, it's not rational.

 

You said you find social interaction hard, but you do need to get out there and meet people in the real world rather than in a fanstasy world.

 

Also, learn how to not make someone else the single most important thing in your life.

[HeavenOrHell]

i guarantee that it is not much more emotional dealing with someone you have never spent time with personally, someone you have never cuddled, kissed, slept in the same bed with, and spent time together doing things you enjoy and getting to know each other properly by being with them.

 

You cant break up with someone you never met.

 

I also guarantee that breaking up with someone you have never spent time with in the real world and truly bonded with will come anywhere near as close as the pain of breaking up with someone you have spent time IRL.

 

 

first of all merry christmas...event though this is a sad one for you. i know.

 

i know what its like to fall for someone online and play/share games together etc. its such an emotional pull.

 

people can not fathom how much more emotional it can be than being in person and face to face. when you have to work off of the mind....and emotion....and imagination...you are almost working harder at love... so the break up is so very painful.

 

now i know you might not like to hear this...but you DO have youth on your side. i think the heart heals a bit faster ..because you DO generally have your whole entire life still ahead of you...to fall for someone else again and find someone even better. someone, who you can bond and share more with in time. there lies your hope.

 

she was forthright. she told you she doesnt feel it anymore. take that information and run with it to HELP heal you. there is no guessing. i know youre sad. dont obsess if you can. get out. talk to others. game with a new girl...just move forward.

 

its good u came to this place to vent. so many have gone before you and know what to do, and have had a broken heart just like you. take that wisdom and try to move forward with your life and start somehow beginning to accept shes not a part of it anymore. acceptance is the last stage of grief. it will come to you. first there is denial...and shock and saddness and anger. then comes acceptance. you need to go thru the entire healing process. like a sickness...before you can get well. just avoid getting stuck in any one emotion. the only emotion u want to be left with is accpetance. even if your sad. happiness will come again. hang in there and God bless.

[IfiKnewThen]

i really cant believe how people can think that NOT meeting someone means its not serious...doesnt hurt as much ...whatever. you are NOT inside the OP's body, mind...heart.....spirit....emotions.

 

i wouldnt minimize his pain ...nor "compare" it. its belittles how HE feels and what SHE MEANS to HIM.

 

 

you can love someone you dont see. God is a great example of this. he had a relationship with her. even if not physical. his could have been very spiritually deep with him ...especially since he doesn't socialize much and might be taunted or bullied at school or just merely isolated. i feel its very myopic thinking to think..people cant "truly" love from afar. in fact its absurd to even think that. of course people can...and do ...everyday.

 

some people have meaningless physical relationships or sexual relationships. i know cuddling...and all that may seem logical to being closer. but today people cuddle on the phone and skype etc. geez you can be paralyzed and not feel someone even cuddle u. its "knowing" they want to and you do too that matters. and when thats gone...even from afar...its painful!! the things that matter, are what you experience in the soul, between you.

 

now i know, they are young and far apart. i feel he has hope for the future. but depression runs deep in youth and youth in love (love as they know it and experience it) and it also needs to be taken seriously. hang in there OP. you have to not project and take it one day at a time. i know its so hard. talk to whoever you can. keep coming here for support too. : ) there will be a light at the end of this dark tunnel of pain and sadness . you have to work at it...even when your weary. how are you doing and feeling today?

 

please do not think people dont understand. i know i do. i have loved from afar and trust me its a very up front and personal thing. i know it hurts when its gone ..or dying

[IfiKnewThen]

@ heavenorhell...quote..Also, learn how to not make someone else the single most important thing in your life.

 

 

this is good advise. : )