First LDR, any suggestions?

[sephiroth-zero]

Hey guys,

 

Just want to get some advice and opinions on a girl that I really like and if it''s time for me to confess.

 

So this girl is from Taiwan and I'm in Australia, she came over for a holiday for 3 weeks. I met her when my parents invited her for dinner at my place. Initially she doesn't seem that interested in me since I'm pretty shy and don't really know how to make a good first impression. But the next time we invited her I showed her some of my photos from my overseas trips, btw I'm a landscape photographer and I used to travel a lot to many unique places. She was really impressed and I asked for her number in Taiwan and Skype. I heard from some of my friends that she was touched by my photos and actually shed some tears. She is an artist as well btw and likes traveling.

 

Now that she's back in Taiwan, I've been pretty much always initiating the conversations online as she's pretty busy after returning home. But she does seem happy when talking to me and really appreciate me helping her English as well. She even tags me as the only guy along with her really close female friends in some posts on Facebook. I've sent her some gifts of my photos and she really likes it.

 

One thing bothering me is that she likes to call me buddy on chats and sometimes on Facebook. I know buddy usually means you're friend-zoned, but she's from an Asian background where it's more conservative when it comes to relationships, and that English is not her first language so I doubt she intends or is aware that it means friend-zoning. I also know that she wants mature guys who can look after her, she had one BF before and reckons he's not mature. Since it's long distance, it's hard for me to show that. But does being the only one correcting her English and my well traveled experience show that I'm mature?

 

Sorry for the long post but it's the first time I'm so interested in a girl and I have never asked a girl out before. She has plans to come back a year later and she likes it here. I just want to know if there's enough positive signals for me to confess....I know one guy already tried asking her out when she was here, but she haven't replied. So I really want to jump the gun now before it's too late.

 

Thanks in advance for any advice.

Edited December 24, 2014 by sephiroth-zero

[d0nnivain]

If English isn't her first language don't get overly upset about "buddy" It could be a language thing & she's using it to mean special friend rather than just a friend / pal.

 

 

LDRs work best when you keep the lines of communication open & you have a plan as to when the distance will stop. Without that they are a waste of time.

[justwhoiam]

Hi sephirot-zero, welcome to the LS LDR forum.

What does your name mean by the way?

 

Initially she doesn't seem that interested in me since I'm pretty shy and don't really know how to make a good first impression. But the next time we invited her I showed her some of my photos from my overseas trips

Was it your idea? Or hers? Or someone else suggested it?

 

Now that she's back in Taiwan, I've been pretty much always initiating the conversations online

Have explicitly told her she can message you whenever and that would make you happy? And that a message from her in the morning would make your day?

 

she likes to call me buddy on chats and sometimes on Facebook

Sorry, but I too would think she's friend-zoning you. The clues are: she's being friendly with you, she likes you to teach her English, she enjoys your pictures, she talks to you casually.

 

So, what should you do to prevent that? You need to be bolder. Next time she calls you that, "hey buddy!", you can promptly say: "Hey, so, are you friend-zoning me for life?!" She then will have to answer something from "what do you mean?" to "not at all" or anything inbetween. You just start from there, keeping it fun. Be prepared for her answers/questions.

 

I also know that she wants mature guys who can look after her, she had one BF before and reckons he's not mature. Since it's long distance, it's hard for me to show that. But does being the only one correcting her English and my well traveled experience show that I'm mature?

What does she mean when she says "who can look after her"? What should a man do? Does that have anything to do with providing for her? So that would mean a wealthy man. Or does it have to do with taking care of her stuff, like repairing her car when she needs to? Or what exactly? I hope you went into details about that, because I wouldn't know what it really means.

 

it's the first time I'm so interested in a girl and I have never asked a girl out before.

How old are you? And how old is she?

 

She has plans to come back a year later and she likes it here.

When would that be exactly? Why don't you start asking her about her plans for that trip? Is it a sure thing? Is it still up in the air? If there's an approximate date for her departure, you should offer to take her somewhere to visit. Somewhere she's never been to. Something that you know might be interesting for her. And then you can ask her: I think you'd really love to see ........... Would you like going there? I'd be happy to take you there and arrange the trip. What do you think?

 

Keep it friendly and casual.

 

I just want to know if there's enough positive signals for me to confess....I know one guy already tried asking her out when she was here, but she haven't replied. So I really want to jump the gun now before it's too late.

It's a delicate step. I think your best chance is if she grows feelings for you before she comes back to Australia. And then you play your card when she's there with you in person.

So, how can she grow feelings for you now? That's tough to answer, because we don't really know her. You need to keep a smart balance between friendly and flirty. I don't like people flirting, so it's more like you give her clues you like her and are genuinely interested in her. And you are attracted to her. In short, you need to build some sexual tension not to be friendzoned. How you do that will either make a friend of you or a boyfriend.

[Els]

One thing bothering me is that she likes to call me buddy on chats and sometimes on Facebook. I know buddy usually means you're friend-zoned, but she's from an Asian background where it's more conservative when it comes to relationships, and that English is not her first language so I doubt she intends or is aware that it means friend-zoning.

 

As an Asian, I'd say you are correct. About 99% of the relationships I know of among my Asian friends (as in, those currently living in Asia) started as friends. "Friend-zoning" is largely a Western concept. It's not that uncommon among Asian youths to remain platonic friends for years before they even start dating.

 

That being said, there is also a possibility that she isn't interested. There is no way to know, really. I don't see any harm in confessing your interest - worst case scenario she says no and you move on sooner rather than later.

[sephiroth-zero]

Well, it ended. Should have done it earlier anyway as it's been bothering me for the last 2 months. She had an ex-boyfriend and she still have feelings for him. I'll just ignore her for the time being.

[JaneDoe12]

Sorry to hear that. Sending you virtual hugs.

[sephiroth-zero]

Thank you. It did hurt a lot at first since it was my first crush and confession, but I guess I'm glad it's over with instead of having feeling that bothers me endlessly....