marycc Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 Me and my boyfriend live 1 hour apart from each other and I was supposed to be with him two weeks ago, but I couldn't, then I told him I could be with him this past weekend, but then I got sick and couldn't go, so I suggested this weekend. But all these times it was always me that made plans for us to see each other, he didn't invite me to go there, I "auto-invited" myself. Whenever I told him I couldn't go, he would say "oh..ok then" and didn't make any more plans, it was always me. Also, he didn't seemed excited to be with me when I made those plans, he didn't act like he used to. I talked to him about it and he said he didn't invite me/seemed excited because we have been fighting a lot and he wants things to be ok with us when we see each other. This week it happened again, he didn't ask anything/didn't seem excited for tomorrow, and we had some fights (less fights, but still...) We already planned that he will come here for halloween and he will stay here at my house that weekend. The thing is: His parents don't like me that much because they noticed that we fight sometimes. So, since I haven't gone there since May or June, I was thinking if I should go there before he comes here for halloween, so that his parents don't think that it's always him to come here and I never go there. But this just happened because I haven't been feeling that he wants to be with me and I'm afraid of the way his parents are going to treat me. Anyway...what do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 I think 1 hour is not an LDR. I have worked more than 1 hour from my house. Anyway, go see him. Address the issues underlying your fights when you are together. If things don't work out, cancel Halloween & do something else. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 Do you want to see him? Sounds like he doesn't want to see you...ask him again maybe? To be honest I would be thinking about how much I was or wasn't enjoying the RS and may well call it quits. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author marycc Posted October 17, 2014 Author Share Posted October 17, 2014 I want to be with him, but then I start feeling insecure about it because it seems like he doesn't want to be with me, despite what he says. He says that he didn't invite me to go there/seemed excited because we were always fighting and he wanted things to get better with us. He says that he was worried about solving things first and he didn't even remember about us being together. Then I got insecure and I told him that I was feeling like he didn't want to be with me, and he said that it was not true and "all in my head". Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 I want to be with him, but then I start feeling insecure about it because it seems like he doesn't want to be with me, despite what he says. He says that he didn't invite me to go there/seemed excited because we were always fighting and he wanted things to get better with us. He says that he was worried about solving things first and he didn't even remember about us being together. Then I got insecure and I told him that I was feeling like he didn't want to be with me, and he said that it was not true and "all in my head". It seems, based on your past threads, that you are too anxiety-ridden for a healthy relationship right now. You're always on guard for something bad and seeking out the negative, and by the sounds of it, he's just worn down by all of it. Many of your past threads outline some perceived fault and your instinct to break up with him. I don't mean to come down on you or heap all the blame on you; this is only my objective observation without knowing you as a person. I wouldn't go if I were you. There's no sense making the trip if he's only lukewarm about it. It appears he wants some space from this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marycc Posted October 17, 2014 Author Share Posted October 17, 2014 I just don't know what to do... Maybe my anxiety and insecurities are making this worse, but I think I have a reason to be worried. He didn't seem excited about us being together, like he used to, and didn't take the initiative for us to be together...so I started to worry. I talked to him about that and he said "Of course I want to be with you, I was just worried about solving our issues first because we kept fighting every day and I didn't even remember about making plans for being together... It's all in your head..." I can't make up my mind... Link to post Share on other sites
Father'sGentleFlower Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 Go and be happy to see and try your bet not to fight. You not going to accomplish anything by not seeing him really. Just have fun together! Don't fight. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 It is all in your head. You are your own worst enemy. You feel insecure & it's making you no fun to be around & it's causing fights. Put on a happy positive face. Go see him. Calmly discuss your concerns & then get on with the business of having a good relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 I just don't know what to do... Maybe my anxiety and insecurities are making this worse, but I think I have a reason to be worried. He didn't seem excited about us being together, like he used to, and didn't take the initiative for us to be together...so I started to worry. I talked to him about that and he said "Of course I want to be with you, I was just worried about solving our issues first because we kept fighting every day and I didn't even remember about making plans for being together... It's all in your head..." I can't make up my mind... This is the reason I wouldn't go this weekend. The reason he doesn't sound super-excited is because he isn't. It seems to me like he's trying to tell you that he needs some time to himself. Give him some breathing room to clear his head. I don't mean this should be to punish him for not not being enthusiastic enough, but the fact that he forgot you'd made plans indicates he's got a lot on his mind and isn't prioritizing your time together right now. He sounds wary of it, given all the problems. Go out and have fun with your friends. Give yourself a breather and then make confirmed plans for a different weekend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Kamila Posted October 18, 2014 Share Posted October 18, 2014 Me and my boyfriend live 1 hour apart from each other and I was supposed to be with him two weeks ago, but I couldn't, then I told him I could be with him this past weekend, but then I got sick and couldn't go, so I suggested this weekend. But all these times it was always me that made plans for us to see each other, he didn't invite me to go there, I "auto-invited" myself. Whenever I told him I couldn't go, he would say "oh..ok then" and didn't make any more plans, it was always me. Also, he didn't seemed excited to be with me when I made those plans, he didn't act like he used to. I talked to him about it and he said he didn't invite me/seemed excited because we have been fighting a lot and he wants things to be ok with us when we see each other. Why have you been fighting ? Is it because you don't see each other enough ? If you have been together for more than a year, then it's logical tension is going to arise in your couple. And you live an hour from each other... Not an ideal situation even if it's not 100 % LDR. He should have popped the question about moving in or marriage with you already. The relationship is deteriorating because decisions need to be made. Does he want to be with you or not ? The relationship needs to go to the next level. You won't be able to fight for this relationship if he isn't making the effort. And from what you wrote he's not lifting a finger. He isn't asking if maybe he could drive the 1 hour to your place ... Maybe he wants the relationship to die a natural death. And he hopes you'll break up with him. I'm saying this harsh words because I've been in this situation before . I hope I'm wrong for your sake. Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 Me and my boyfriend live 1 hour apart from each other As you've been told already, 1-hour drive doesn't qualify as LDR. My man works 1.5 hours from home. Actually if were were just one hour from each other, we would take days off, we'd meet often...... everything would be much easier. Also, not meeting each other IN A MONTH and being just one hour from each other does not sound like a relationship to me, unless one of the two is in jail or trapped somehow. No wonder you don't see the excitement. If there were, he'd come even to be with you just for an hour. And cherish every single minute of it. Besides, he clearly told you. So no need to read between the lines. We already planned that he will come here for halloween and he will stay here at my house that weekend. That doesn't sound well. Unless you solved your issues by then. Otherwise, what's the point in ruining an event that's supposed to be fun? If you're not good for the previous month, or two months, why are you worth on halloween? Because he has nothing better to do? It doesn't seem right. His parents don't like me that much because they noticed that we fight sometimes. Stop thinking about the parents and start working on the issues between you two. You can't prove you're palsy-walsy with him when it's not so. They won't buy it. what do you think? I remember your other thread... but, why couldn't he come see you in 2 months? Link to post Share on other sites
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