LDR partner suffering depression and pushing me away

[decca45]

I've been in a complicated LDR for around 8 months, with the exception of the month of July, which we spent together. We had a life together but it got interrupted by visa and money issues. I'm still in France, in our apartment with our cat, but she had to return the the US.

 

Our first stab at LDR did not go well and we broke up for a month or so, before rekindling things in July.

 

Our second LDR has been up and down, with her pushing me away for periods before coming around and trying harder to make things work.

 

After a particularly good patch, she suddenly went completely off the radar for a few days. I was worried sick about her. Finally she reached out after 3-4 days. She claimed shed become depressed and needed time to herself. She said that she was finding our relationship emotionally draining, combined with her studies and other obligations. She said she doesn't know who she is anymore, that she has no identity.

 

Initially I took what she was saying as an attack against me. In my eyes, if you love eachother, you talk over your problems and try and help eachother - it's all part of the deal. However, having done some reading on the subject, it seems that she may be suffering from genuine depression. I've heard that pushing loved ones away is a common symptom of depression. She has suffered from similar episodes before I met her, including self harm.

 

Yet I can't get rid of the nagging feeling like this is the end. I haven't heard from her for a week now. She is posting stuff on social media like nothing has happened. I'm seriously cut up about it and I don't know how to proceed.

 

Has anyone had a similar experience and can offer some advice? The distance makes an already difficult situation almost unbearable.

[Itspointless]

Pushing loved ones away is a symptom of many possible explanations even attachment styles. Also self harm belongs with different pictures. I think an ldr with her will be really hard for you if she is this emotionally unstable. Some people want to solve their problems on their own. So perhaps giving her space does help, but you have to be very strong for that. To be honest it doesn't sound very hopeful, just as it does not sound like a healthy situation for you. Be kind to yourself. I know how draining it is to worry from a distance.