jen008 Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 I met a guy online, and we seem to have amazing conversation, and we mutually want to figure this out. We live 2 hours away, not incredibly far, but for enough that we can't see eachother everyday. It will likely be a case where we visit eachother on weekends. We both are not able to relocate due to job commitments. However, in the future I am more flexible than he is. I could possibly relocate in the future if the relationship progresses to that. There are few things bothering me. We haven't had a first date yet. He said he wants to visit for the weekend to really get to know me better. However, the issue of sex is causing some concern with me. I want to know if it is possible for him to visit without expecting sex. I can really see myself with someone like him long term so I don't want to mess this up. If I sleep with him too soon, I will just be his weekend booty call. But I feel bad that he will travel 2 hours hours to see me, and not have sex. Has anyone had experience with long distance first dates? Any ideas on what to do to get to know eachother well and keep eachother interested? What do you guys think about sex? Link to post Share on other sites
CherryT Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 But I feel bad that he will travel 2 hours hours to see me, and not have sex. Why feel bad? If you're not comfortable with it yet, don't do it. My fiancé flew 3.5 hours to see me for our first date. He had a hotel and didn't even expect to stay over. He didn't push it or expect it. He knew that I prefer to be in a committed relationship first. That's something that I'm comfortable with. He respected it and here we are. Do what makes you feel comfortable. If after the first couple of days he's around, you feel it's leading somewhere, then you make that decision. For yourself. But don't do it just because you think he deserves it after driving 2 hours. Like my fiancé once said "he was willing to risk the cost of paying for a flight and hotel just to get to know me". And here we are. Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 We live 2 hours away Ok. This is NOT a LONG distance (potential) relationship, but I'll try to have my say anyway. I want to know if it is possible for him to visit without expecting sex. 1) Have you had any hint from him that he's expecting sex? 2) Who made you believe that you have to have sex on a first date?? I feel bad that he will travel 2 hours hours to see me, and not have sex. Why's that? You think seeing you is only worth it if you open your legs and make your body available? Seriously? That's a kind of twisted way of reasoning. Give it some serious thought, please. Do you think men are so lame? How old are you both? Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 Two hours really isn't that far to travel. For my first meet-up with a guy I was seeing a couple of months ago, he travelled 5-6 hours on the train, to meet for four or five hours, and then went home again. He was excited enough to meet me that he didn't mind spending the time and money necessary to just be in the same room as me. It's kinda a good barometer really, if he comes and visits, and tries to have sex, you say no. If he pushes it, he's not a worthy boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 I met a guy online, and we seem to have amazing conversation, and we mutually want to figure this out. We live 2 hours away, not incredibly far, but for enough that we can't see eachother everyday. It will likely be a case where we visit eachother on weekends. We both are not able to relocate due to job commitments. However, in the future I am more flexible than he is. I could possibly relocate in the future if the relationship progresses to that. There are few things bothering me. We haven't had a first date yet. He said he wants to visit for the weekend to really get to know me better. However, the issue of sex is causing some concern with me. I want to know if it is possible for him to visit without expecting sex. I can really see myself with someone like him long term so I don't want to mess this up. If I sleep with him too soon, I will just be his weekend booty call. But I feel bad that he will travel 2 hours hours to see me, and not have sex. Has anyone had experience with long distance first dates? Any ideas on what to do to get to know eachother well and keep eachother interested? What do you guys think about sex? Don't have sex on a first date - regardless of the distance he's travelled - unless you're happy for this to turn into a casual relationship that is. My guy travelled for 12,000 miles (almost 20,000 km) to meet me for the first time, and it took him over 30 hours. An hour by car, and the rest over three long distance flights. He had no expectations of sex at any point during the three weeks he was going to stay here. The pleasure of my company and getting to know me was his motivation. If this guy expects sex he's not worth your time. Just meet him and have fun getting to know each other. If you decide you both want sex, another two hour journey is nothing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 I met a guy online, and we seem to have amazing conversation, and we mutually want to figure this out. We live 2 hours away, not incredibly far, but for enough that we can't see eachother everyday. It will likely be a case where we visit eachother on weekends. We both are not able to relocate due to job commitments. However, in the future I am more flexible than he is. I could possibly relocate in the future if the relationship progresses to that. There are few things bothering me. We haven't had a first date yet. He said he wants to visit for the weekend to really get to know me better. However, the issue of sex is causing some concern with me. I want to know if it is possible for him to visit without expecting sex. I can really see myself with someone like him long term so I don't want to mess this up. If I sleep with him too soon, I will just be his weekend booty call. But I feel bad that he will travel 2 hours hours to see me, and not have sex. Has anyone had experience with long distance first dates? Any ideas on what to do to get to know eachother well and keep eachother interested? What do you guys think about sex? NO NO NO! Don't feel bad for not giving yourself for sex so early in the relationship and when you're not ready! If he is willing to date someone who is 2-hours away, then he better be ready to understand that you may not be ready for sex early on. Tell him that you are looking to have a physical relationship so early and not until you are ready. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He isn't owed anything just b/c he's traveling 2-hours! Talk about how the communication is going to go. What you like. What he likes. Keep each other comfortably informed, chatty over the week until you meet on the weekends. Make it clear that you want to get to know him and you don't know how long that will be before you have a physical relationship with him. DO NOT SUCCUMB TO PRESSURE b/c he's 2-hours away! Guard yourself from that! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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