In a heartbreaking situtation

[zues]

Just signed up to this fourm, as i've seen that there is loads of great people on here with solid advice! My situation is i've been seeing this amazing girl for nearly 6 months now long distance she lives 3 hours away and everything was going great until a month ago. so i'll explain it as best i can. We werent in an official relationship but as i thought we were on that road, she told me a few months back she was really unhappy missing me and not getting to see me enough. She is one of those women that need her man to be with her every day which i obviously cant because of the long distance. so we decided it was best to call it a day and we did. I started no contact for 7 days and i broke it as i was too weak to see it out! Then the way things went, was that we decided to stay friends we met 4 times since then and spent a weekend away together and acted like we were still together. I thought it was a good idea to bring up the idea of getting into a relationship, because i thought it would make it easier for her if I were 100 percent committed to her. So her answer was she could not get into a serious relationship with me because she simply couldnt deal with not seeing me and could not trust me, even though she knows that she could? so she thinks this is going to end badly we will keep dragging this out until we meet someone else and one of us gets hurt! Im already hurting dont know what to do? need some solid advice because this is really putting a downer on my daily life! thanks for reading

[zues]

Just signed up to this fourm, as i've seen that there is loads of great people on here with solid advice! My situation is i've been seeing this amazing girl for nearly 6 months now long distance she lives 3 hours away and everything was going great until a month ago. so i'll explain it as best i can. We werent in an official relationship but as i thought we were on that road, she told me a few months back she was really unhappy missing me and not getting to see me enough. She is one of those women that need her man to be with her every day which i obviously cant because of the long distance. so we decided it was best to call it a day and we did. I started no contact for 7 days and i broke it as i was too weak to see it out! Then the way things went, was that we decided to stay friends we met 4 times since then and spent a weekend away together and acted like we were still together. I thought it was a good idea to bring up the idea of getting into a relationship, because i thought it would make it easier for her if I were 100 percent committed to her. So her answer was she could not get into a serious relationship with me because she simply couldnt deal with not seeing me and could not trust me, even though she knows that she could? so she thinks this is going to end badly we will keep dragging this out until we meet someone else and one of us gets hurt! Im already hurting dont know what to do? need some solid advice because this is really putting a downer on my daily life! thanks for reading [/quote

 

Advice would be really appreciated please

[TMichaels]

 

Just signed up to this fourm, as i've seen that there is loads of great people on here with solid advice! My situation is i've been seeing this amazing girl for nearly 6 months now long distance she lives 3 hours away and everything was going great until a month ago. so i'll explain it as best i can. We werent in an official relationship but as i thought we were on that road, she told me a few months back she was really unhappy missing me and not getting to see me enough. She is one of those women that need her man to be with her every day which i obviously cant because of the long distance. so we decided it was best to call it a day and we did. I started no contact for 7 days and i broke it as i was too weak to see it out! Then the way things went, was that we decided to stay friends we met 4 times since then and spent a weekend away together and acted like we were still together. I thought it was a good idea to bring up the idea of getting into a relationship, because i thought it would make it easier for her if I were 100 percent committed to her. So her answer was she could not get into a serious relationship with me because she simply couldnt deal with not seeing me and could not trust me, even though she knows that she could? so she thinks this is going to end badly we will keep dragging this out until we meet someone else and one of us gets hurt! Im already hurting dont know what to do? need some solid advice because this is really putting a downer on my daily life! thanks for reading

 

 

Advice would be really appreciated please

 

zues,

 

Not sure whether you realize it or not, but this site is not some sort of 24/7 advice service where it's staffed by a paid employees. It's frequented by others who have an interest in relationships and whether someone stops by and/or takes an interest and answers another's post is entirely voluntary.

 

I mention this because you're new to the site and seem upset that no one answered your initial post in 15-minute's time. It's the weekend. People are busy. Some posts never get a reply and it may take several hours (or days) to get a response.

 

All that aside, how old are you two? Where/how did you meet? What's the possibility of either of you moving to the same area? How long will it be before that's feasible? What was the intention behind of the two of you meeting four times recently?

 

Not trying to be nosey, but the more information you provide, the easier it is for others to give you their suggestions and feedback.

 

Best,

TMichaels

[EvansR]

In my opinion, she's not up for a LDR, so you'd be best off calling it a day instead of dragging it out.

 

Regards,

[justwhoiam]

So, you didn't answer TMichaels' questions yet. Those answers would have helped.

 

Anyway, here's what I think in a nutshell:

 

1) With a 3-hour distance (by car?), you should be able to meet at least twice a month, possibly every weekend.

 

2) If she's really into you, it won't be easy for her letting herself go with someone else while she's in touch with you.

 

3) From your post, it looks like you had to stay friends, while you are being intimate whenever you meet up? That would make you FWB, which is something I would avoid if I were you. Make her want you bad. Don't have sex with her. If she really wants you, she will know. If she can do without you, then so be it. Unless you prefer to have sex with her. That's up to you.

[zues]

zues,

 

Not sure whether you realize it or not, but this site is not some sort of 24/7 advice service where it's staffed by a paid employees. It's frequented by others who have an interest in relationships and whether someone stops by and/or takes an interest and answers another's post is entirely voluntary.

 

I mention this because you're new to the site and seem upset that no one answered your initial post in 15-minute's time. It's the weekend. People are busy. Some posts never get a reply and it may take several hours (or days) to get a response.

 

All that aside, how old are you two? Where/how did you meet? What's the possibility of either of you moving to the same area? How long will it be before that's feasible? What was the intention behind of the two of you meeting four times recently?

 

Not trying to be nosey, but the more information you provide, the easier it is for others to give you their suggestions and feedback.

 

Best,

TMichaels

 

 

 

Thanks for your reply, we are both 25 and we met through online dating. I could move to her town within a year but she says and i quote " i wouldnt expect you to do that, you might not like it here". We had a agreed to meet as friends but became intimate every time. thanks for taking your time to reply i really appreciate it TMichaels.

[zues]

So, you didn't answer TMichaels' questions yet. Those answers would have helped.

 

Anyway, here's what I think in a nutshell:

 

1) With a 3-hour distance (by car?), you should be able to meet at least twice a month, possibly every weekend.

 

2) If she's really into you, it won't be easy for her letting herself go with someone else while she's in touch with you.

 

3) From your post, it looks like you had to stay friends, while you are being intimate whenever you meet up? That would make you FWB, which is something I would avoid if I were you. Make her want you bad. Don't have sex with her. If she really wants you, she will know. If she can do without you, then so be it. Unless you prefer to have sex with her. That's up to you.

 

 

Thanks for your reply! I would try to meet her every weekend when i could, but she started to become unhappy because she missed me to much during the week? i dont understand how you can miss someone then decide not to see them, surely that pain would be more than missing someone for a week? Yes we were being intimate every time we met up. I plan on taking this advice, I dont want just sex i want a partner and having just sex isint enough. thanks again!

[zues]

In my opinion, she's not up for a LDR, so you'd be best off calling it a day instead of dragging it out.

 

Regards,

 

 

I want to do that, but i just cant seem to walk away i feel for her too much and it destroys me to think i will never see her again. thanks for your time!

[TMichaels]

What was the intention behind of the two of you meeting four times recently?

 

If below is your answer...

 

I could move to her town within a year but she says and i quote " i wouldnt expect you to do that, you might not like it here". We had a agreed to meet as friends but became intimate every time.

 

Then...

 

No matter how much you may think you're in love with this girl, she's not that into you. Sorry, but your visits were nothing but booty calls. Otherwise, she'd be embracing the idea (no pun intended) of closing the distance and having you around full-time.

 

Best,

TMichaels

[Forever Learning]

If below is your answer...

 

 

 

Then...

 

No matter how much you may think you're in love with this girl, she's not that into you. Sorry, but your visits were nothing but booty calls. Otherwise, she'd be embracing the idea (no pun intended) of closing the distance and having you around full-time.

 

Best,

TMichaels

 

Yes, I agree. If she were in love with you and wanting to spend her life with you, she would work harder to make this work. 3 hours distance is not much, and you are willing to move to her. But she says no. Therefore I think she is not wanting more than what you currently have together, and not even that -because she is trying to end it with you.

 

Try to move on. You could make one more attempt at communicating all you are willing to do for her. If she still seems to reject these attempts with half hearted, luke warm response of "oh, you might not like my town", then she is just trying to let you down gently.

 

That means it's time to move on. Read all you can around here about going no contact.

 

There are "No Contact" Guides to read, that will help you immensely.

 

Read them, over and over.

 

All the best to you. I am so sorry for your pain. It will be a learning experience for you in the long run, although it will feel like just misery and pain in the short run. You are not alone, read all the threads around here and you will soon see that. Hang in there.

Edited July 29, 2013 by Forever Learning

[Midnight_Princess]

You said yourself that she likes to see her boyfriends every day. Three hours really isnt much, but some people simply cant handle the distance, and the worry you get about what they might be doing etc, it takes a lot of trust and the right people to make it work.It sounds as if she is interested in you, but is not interested in a LDR. She was honest with you though so you cant really fault her for that. Its probably best for you to let this one go, i dont see anything that you could do to change her mind(sorry). Best of luck to you.

[zues]

Id like to thank you all for your help, means alot and i now have a clearer view of the situation and i have decided to move on, because if she really wanted me she wouldnt let me go. thanks again folks!