Should I move to Paris or Toronto?

[senoritabonita]

My bf and I have been together for just over a year. Our situation is very complicated but here goes...He is Italian, I am Italian-Canadian. We are both in our late 20s. I live in Madrid, he lives in Paris. We met over a year ago in Paris while I was visiting a friend, and from there we´ve been going back and forth to see each other every other weekend (not so expensive but expensive enough). He is an engineer, I am a teacher. I enjoy teaching primary at an International school, but I´m kind of over it. I´ve been teaching abroad for over two years and it´s just such arduous work. Especially in Spain where the kids are so loud!

 

My bf has a good job in Paris, although he is not quite satisfied and wants a change.

 

The thing is, I worked as a court reporter 2 years ago in Toronto for a year and it was a great experience. I really want to go back and get back into the legal field and recently I´ve applied for a one year course in Paralegal Studies in Toronto and I´m really excited for the opportunity.

 

My bf does not want to go to Toronto, he would not really fit in either as he´s really macho Italian, very stuck in his ways and told me he could not see himself in Canada for the rest of his life. His idea of living is to travel every so often. He wants me to move to Paris for the time being, so we could give our love a chance. I´ve had a few interviews there but it seems like I´ll be freelancing teaching English there if I do move in with him.

 

He was unfaithful while on a vacation to Thailand with his friend last summer (he says he just "kissed" the girl). Since then I have the feeling something is going on but he swears there isn´t, that I am paranoid. He doesn´t really go out much anymore but he´s always working long hours and I just have a feeling something is happening. Last time he came to my house he hid his phone in his luggage during the night and would not tell me why. He has had a roaming eye and has flirted with girls infront of my face, one of them being my "friend" (who flirted back..she is French). He tells me what he does is not flirting....I think some of this all has to do with cultural differences. I see people in relationships flirting really openly all of the time, and I just don´t agree with it. I understand people like the attention, who doesn´t. But whatever happened to having respect for your loved one?

 

He has been single for most of his life, I am his first relationship. Although he has introduced me to his parents, etc.. alot of the trust is gone because of the cheating, but when I tell him I want to go to Toronto as my family and future career are there he tells me I am selfish and gets really upset. He wants to come and meet my family this summer but I really don´t think it´s wise.

On the other hand he always talks marriage and always tries to be there for me. From the guy he was in the beginning he has really changed and is really in love. It just took him such a long time to get here. Is it bad that I just want to run off and start over? I´ve been through so much pain with him. Will I regret it? Despite our distance we speak all of the time skype 3 hrs a day... do you think I should hold off before making such a drastic decision?

Edited April 29, 2013 by senoritabonita

[FitChick]

Get him to clearly agree to support you if you go to Paris and cannot find a job or only a part-time job. Then see if he changes for the better. If worse, then you can go home to Canada for good because you will have a good reason.

[HokeyReligions]

"He was unfaithful while on a vacation to Thailand with his friend last summer (he says he just "kissed" the girl). Since then I have the feeling something is going on but he swears there isn´t, that I am paranoid."

 

This would clinch it for me. Toronto.

[whichwayisup]

Do not put a career chance on hold for this guy. You are his first serious relationship, sorry to say this but chances are, it won't last. He's already cheated on you and who knows if he has again (that you don't know about).

 

If he truly wanted to be with you, he wouldn't let his 'macho italian' ways get in the way of moving to Toronto with you to build something together.

 

Hokey is right, GO to Toronto and live your life. Seems you and this guy have a lot against you. He may not be worth giving up all that you know and love to move to where he is.

[soccerrprp]

Toronto. Do what is most important for you right now. Give yourself the chance to become what you want to be when and while you have the chance. Before you regret. This guy doesn't sound too supportive at all and w/o that you have the option of letting him go.

 

Be in the best position for yourself to be in whatever future relationship you may be in. Mentally, career-wise, physically, etc. Besides, you'll likely find someone in Toronto who will be supportive.

 

Good luck.

[Col1]

I moved four hours away and everyone thought I was adventurous. You're hopping countries and continents. Wow!

 

If I were in your shoes, and I choose Paris: I would live independently and not be supported by anyone else. That way I am under no one's power. If I want to break-up with the person, then I don't need to worry about finding my own place during an emotional stressful time.

 

If I were in your shoes, and I choose Toronto: I would be happy to be near family in case of emergency, back in my home country, and I'd be fulfilled in pursuing career goals.

 

Since then I have the feeling something is going on

Trust your intuition.

[ExpatInItaly]

Don't ignore your gut on this one. If he's already been unfaithful and your suspicions are raised again, I'd listen to what your instincts are telling you.

 

I wholeheartedly suggest Toronto, but I admit I'm biased because it's my home base too! That aside, I'd still go there because this guy has already made it clear that he's not as invested as you want him to be. What happens if you go to Paris and then discover your suspicions about him cheating are correct? What's Plan B for you? Think of YOUR needs and take of yourself first. Good luck to you.