Alderaan Posted April 28, 2013 Share Posted April 28, 2013 (edited) Hi everyone, I need some advice because I'm a mess these past few weeks. My long distance boyfriend of one year broke up with me because his life got awfully complicated, combined with a make or break situation at University which he financially cannot afford to fail. In this state, he isn't able to be the devoted boyfriend that he wants to be, and keep our relationship healthy so it's best to break up, in his opinion. His situation is pushing him beyond his limits and demands all of his focus and attention. For weeks before this happened I watched my Loved one getting progressively overworked, stressed, cold, distant and unsatisfied with himself, and I couldn't help him, which made me so sad and worried. We agreed to be friends still and exchange some Hellos to keep in touch, because our feelings for each other did not change. We supported each other through many rough times and I let him know he has my understanding and wished him the best. I keep comforting myself with the thought that staying together would make us both even more stressed and would cause irreversible damage, and even do serious harm to his work which his professional future depends upon. And that by not openly discussing getting back together, he wanted to spare me the stress of waiting for an amount of time he isn't able to define while being so emotionally pressured by life. I will of course not pursue him in any way at this time because it's all so much for him and he's a very ambitious and proud man who needs to sort out his life. I just want him to be happy. I'm finding it difficult to cope and calm down though. any advice? And could there be hope of getting back together some time? I know no-one can know for sure but it gives me hope that the break up wasn't caused by problems between the two of us. Edited April 28, 2013 by Alderaan Link to post Share on other sites
TearyEyedPride Posted April 29, 2013 Share Posted April 29, 2013 This is totally like my current situation. My ex is going to law school and didn't know if he could balance a relationship with his workload. We love each other, wanna stay cordial and things like that and of course there are always the "what ifs", but honestly there are no guarantees like you said. It helped me to think of him already moved on, married with kids and all lol. It may sound strange but it's what I needed to do to let go for real. Really loving someone is wanting them to be happy whether that's with you or without you, and respecting their decision and freedom to choose. Congratulations on having that level of love. You're not alone in your feelings. Kinda sucks... but all this love we have and are capable of giving, we'll find someone who's ready to receive it when the time's right. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alderaan Posted April 29, 2013 Author Share Posted April 29, 2013 (edited) Thank you for your reply, I appreciate it a lot. I'm so sorry to hear the same has happened to you. It's so difficult... We were planning a future together and the time we spent as a couple was wonderful, I couldn't see myself with anyone but him. We connected on so many levels. It's all gone now and I'm doing my best to realize that time and space is the only thing I can give him now so he can be happy with his life again. While searching for advice on the web I see many argue that 'oh, he should put you first always', 'full of BS' and so on, but I'd never forgive myself if staying together caused the demise of his studies and his sanity along with it. I admit I edited my first post post about 10 times because I at first wrote some paragraphs about how I doubted his motives for breaking up - I was upset with him at first because he would not let me in on what was going on and avoided talking about it unless I initiated. But, remembering some of our last conversations and his state of mind in the past month, I saw so much exhaustion in his words and disappointment with himself which I'd never seen before, so he must have been feeling too vulnerable and emotional to confront me about his issues. I somehow knew what was coming... Even dreamed of it the night before he broke up. But nothing really prepares you for the loss. This was my second long term relationship and the first one where I can say I truly loved Edited April 29, 2013 by Alderaan 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TearyEyedPride Posted April 29, 2013 Share Posted April 29, 2013 I'm so sorry. It's weird because I had a weird dream too lol. It hurts and it takes time... but it heals. And most of us grow from it in the process. We're all here for you. Hugs & Well wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts