weird feelings about college LDR - !!

[satelliteskin]

Hi there, just looking for some insight into why I've been feeling strangely about my LDR recently. Here's the long and short of my predicament:

 

-I am 19 years old and have been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half. We started dating at the beginning of our senior year. We used to experience a lot of jealousy and trust issues; they made me resent him but also made me cling very tightly to him for fear of losing him. All throughout my senior year, my feelings towards him were very intense- we saw each other frequently, did many things together, and felt very much emotionally connected and in love.

-We planned on staying together for college: he went off to the west coast and I stayed on the east coast, heading to a city. He broke up with me right before school started (August), and I was absolutely heartbroken. I didn't know how to live independently, which put a damper on my transition from high school to college. We got back together several weeks later, after talking for some time (September). From September to November, things were terrible. We fought frequently and prevented one another from fully experiencing our college experiences, saying things like "I don't want you to hang out with x", "if you don't do x I'm going to break up with you"... very irrational stuff. Nonetheless, I never once questioned my feelings for him.

-He broke up with me again in November due to the constant stress we put on each other due to our relationship. I was distraught at first, but cut off communication with him and learned to be okay on my own and felt very independent.

-Sometime in late December we began talking again. I knew through many friends that he desperately wanted to get back together, and although I was apprehensive at first, I cautiously began hanging out with him again. It eventually dawned upon me that I did truly want to be with him, so we got back together.

 

 

Flash forward to now (March). Things have been more stable than they have ever been between my boyfriend and I. He is at home on the east coast now (he did not like his school on the west coast) and will be transferring somewhere in the east in the fall. We both found out that we hooked up with other people while we were broken up, which stung at first but taught us both that the past is in the past and that the mature thing to do would be to accept it as part of the past, and move forward. Since that point, we have had no trust issues at all!

That being said, I have been experiencing strange feelings about my relationship lately. I think about my boyfriend ALL the time, but do not worry about him the jealous and paranoid way I used to (because I trust him more now). This makes me feel guilty sometimes, though I'm not sure why. I don't get the same butterflies-in-my-stomach feelings that I used to get when we first started dating, so I sometimes worry that I am falling out of love with him.

Granted, I have been dealing with a lot of stress on myself with school work, finding my niche, maintaining my independence, family issues at home, etc etc..., so I am unsure if I am just experiencing a rut in my relationship or if my gut is telling me something. I DO NOT want to be single, and I DO NOT want to be with/hook up with anyone else. I just want these feelings to GO AWAY!!!!!!!!!!

My boyfriend is so great to me and understands me inside and out, and I know him inside and out as well. I care for him very much and he has come so far to be the best boyfriend I could ever ask for. Am I just taking him for granted? We are still living very far apart at separate schools with separate schedules so it is hard to break away from the "how was your day", "how are classes", "what are you doing" routine. We talk all the time and I feel weird when I don't hear from him. Additionally, when we get into arguments I still do feel upset, making me think that the feelings are indeed still there, just latent right now. Are we entering a new phase of comfortability in our relationship that I'm not used to because I am used to the flirtatious and fun feelings of the beginning of our relationship? I think that I may be feeling this way because I am used to arguing frequently, but there is nothing left to argue about these days so maybe I'm just unsure of how to deal with a normal relationship. Am I overthinking this?? Does everyone experience weird lulls in their emotions during relationships?? This is something that I DESPERATELY want to work through.

 

Any and all advice, questions, commentary, etc. would be GREATLY appreciated. I am very confused but I want to make sure that everything will be okay in my relationship.

Thank you for anyone who takes the time to understand my predicament!!

Edited March 23, 2013 by satelliteskin