on and off and now moving away

[bothered]

here's the story: we were dating exclusively for 4 months. Half way through my b/friend lost his job contract, and that put a lot of pressure on him, on me and our relationship. He was becoming more and more distant, and I'm more upset and clingy.. anyhow, eventually he sent me an "awol" message saying that he needed to take a few weeks off to clear his head on a whole range of subjets, including personal relationships. I knew that was a breakup, but was still hopeful.. it was a very hard time for me.. after about 2 months of this separation, I saw his ad on an online dating service. I decided to contact him to see what was happening in his life. Don't know why I did that, I was not over him yet and was still probably hopeful or maybe just wanted an explanation and a clear-cut ending.. he replied that he was depressed over his job situation as it made him feel worthless and that he would want to be my friend, but rather not venture beyond as "I deserve better" and he would not want me to think that his interest was just sexual.. Eventually we met, after 3 moths apart. He was emotional, apologized, and said that he still had feelings for me, but could not commit and did not want to lead me on, would want to have a casual relationship.. a few days later we became intimate and did not talk about this anymore. In a meantime he had to go away for 2 weeks for a short contract and an interview, then he was back, and we were very happy like nothing ever happened, then he got a job offer and accepted it. It all happen so quick, in less than a month. Now he's leaving to another city miles away. I will see him tomorrow for the last time and then he goes.. I feel devastated, he does not talk about a future for us, just him.. though he said that he wanted me to visit him once he's settled and that he would be missing me.. I don't know what to do or say. Is this the end? What can I do or should I do? It hurts terribly, not knowing

All this time he was very attentive, caring, wanted to see me a lot, in other words, there were no regular signs of a breakup..

[JaggedEdges]

Sounds like he isn't settled yet. My suggestion.. be there, as a friend. I wouldn't push it as far as a discussion with him any farther than that. Sounds like he has moved alot Each time he goes someplace new I am sure that he has alot of mixed emotions. Be there .. know that he will get ahold of you and know that you can get ahold of him. And if he doesn't always rememer that you shared something special. Somewhere down the line .. probably more than once this man is gonna think about his past.. the people that were and are involved and the ways the people along the way touched his life.

 

Could be maybe he is just trying to focus on getting his feet planted in one spot. Have a good job. And be able to maintain responsibilities. It's kind of hard to take care of some one else when you try to take care of yourself in order to get to that point you can and want to care for someone esle. If that makes any sence. Right now by the way it appears to be he has to focus on his needs first before being able to give some else their needs.

 

If you have sex .. great. Know he respects you and still finds you attractive enough he has that desire to want you.

 

You gotta hold yourself strong. Do what ya gotta do everyday and appriciate the time you get with him. Give him encouragement .. let him know everything is okay. Let him see you being strong because right now he prolly needs that just as changes that may occur in your life you may need him to be strong for you as well as understanding .. hopeful and positive. You have something him right now noone esle has and even if someone had him it wouldn't be the same as the way the two of you are when your together. Best of wishes .

[SoleMate]

Gosh, I wish every guy was as clear and as honest as yours seems to have been. He told you over and over that you should not be relying on him for commitments and a future, as he could not give them to you. He also said that he would like to enjoy your company on a short term basis. And that's what he did.

 

If you wanted a fuller commitment, you could have asked, or waited, for one. But you interpreted his caring and attentiveness as a longterm contract of some sort. You know what? A few months of dating, during which he is courteous and considerate, doesn't amount to a lifelong hold on his actions or affections. I am sorry for your loss. Enjoy the memories, and next time, with your next man, listen to his words as well as his actions. If his words say that this is "no strings" or "just for now", believe him.