btbarnum Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 My girlfriend is an hour away because I got transferred to the new branch they created. I've been seeing her for a few months and in the first month she was hospitalized for a week because she stopped taking her meds awhile before we met. Her family have been through this so much that they are almost jaded when it comes to getting to help. I actually had to be the one to pick her up from the hospital that first time.... No one seemed to have the time? So since I got promoted and had to move, I have really been trying to keep contact with her and its getting hard to keep her calm and its starting to feel like its my responsibility to keep her safe. When I contact her family about my worries for some of her texts to me, they simply pass the phone to one another and I end up getting a "I'm sure she just misses you, that's all. Why don't you two go out more often...." Like I say, we have only been together about 3 months and these last two have been long distance. Its not that I don't care for her but its starting to feel like her family 'gave' her to me and she's my responsibility now. Which makes every bone in my body scream 'Run, RUN!' and that hurts me because I'm the one who asked her out and I sorta knew what I was getting into, you know? So should I stay with her, possibly move back and make my 7 min commute an hour+ commute? Do I break it off with her and risk her yet another hospital stay?
wildgeese Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 Her illness is not your responsibility. It's difficult dating (or having a family member for that matter) with a mental illness, especially as serious as this one seems to be. While many would be appalled at her family passing the buck, I've been in a similar situation and understand how trying it is to take care of someone else who "should" be able to take care of themselves. It's difficult, it has to be your choice, and it's something that you have to fully understand. You should not feel guilty if you are having second thoughts or if you're not ready. Especially since it's a long distance relationship and those are emotionally painful already. The majority of your post left out how you actually feel about her and your relationship. It focused more on her. Are you fulfilled in the relationship, regardless of her mental illness or not? Do you like your job and where you are? Do you feel like you are staying with her more out of obligation than pure connection?
Cee Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 You can't make her take her medication. She must choose that. And to make that choice she has to face consequences for her actions. I had to be hospitalized 5 times before I learned my lesson. No man helped with that. I was single and finally made the decision on my own. Don't bend over backwards. Make things easy on yourself. Her disease will wreak havoc over the next 5, 10, 15 years. This isn't a race, but a marathon. Rest up.
Author btbarnum Posted September 28, 2011 Author Posted September 28, 2011 I like her a lot. Its only been the third month and I'm not feeling the 'L' word just yet. I also feel like I'm too involved to just turn away now... I just feel like a brand-new boyfriend makes a poor babysitter and it seems like a little much to ask of me so soon. I don't know that I would ask this from someone I barely knew. I mean, who am I really that they would send for me to drive a vulnerable young woman to her home. If I were a nut, I might have taken advantage of her (she was so sedated I had to hold her from the car to her couch). They don't try to get to know me, her Dad calls me a wrong name every time, My constant care for her is starting to turn the relationship into a 'damsel in distress' scene and that's not where my past relationships went into. I'm no hero. I don't think I'm cut out for this but I feel like s#!+ for thinking of leaving.... If I did leave, I'd miss the sound of her voice and the way she stares up at me that keeps me awake at night.
Blcomeau Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 [quote=btbarnum;3650712 If I did leave, I'd miss the sound of her voice and the way she stares up at me that keeps me awake at night. Um kinda sounds like the 'L' word to me.
wildgeese Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 I also just realized that you said you're only an hour away. That doesn't seem completely worthy of this much stress? Pardon me for saying. I know that it can take me 25 minutes just to get to work and that's in my same town.
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