bridget Posted June 22, 2003 Share Posted June 22, 2003 Hi, I know that these types of questions and doubts have probably been answered before on here, but here goes again.... Like many other people here I'm in my first long-distance relationship, and I'm finding it increasingly hard - even though it's only been two weeks since we last saw each other. I used to work in the ski resort where he lives and works and now I'm home at University again. Due to the amazing work ethic where he lives (Austria) he rarely gets a DAY off, let alone a long weekend when he could come to visit me. Not only do I feel that I'm imposing, since I always come to visit him and he never comes to me, but I'm finding it harder and harder to trust...well, not him, but the people around him. When I worked there, girls (who were my friends!) were always telling me that everyone considered him the "best catch" in the village, and they all thought he was so great/smart/gorgeous etc etc. I know that he loves me, but I also know that when he was younger he was a bit of a lothario around the area. People always told me this, and warned me to be cautious, but they also say that he has changed since he met me - always talking about how he wants to spend his whole life with me and how he could never look at another girl. However, I know that a lot of girls in the village look on it as a challenge to break up our relationship, and this (understandably, I feel) worries me. How can I learn to trust him? Or restore the trust that I had until I started hearing all these whisperings? How can I show him that I love him without seeming clingy and needy? I hate that when he doesn't call me, I feel rejected and hurt, even though I know the expense and that he's working most of the hours God sends to save up for a bigger apartment. I would really appreciate it if someone was willing to be an email buddy to me, so we could support each other (if they needed my support, otherwise we could just chat about it). My email is: Thanks in advance for any advice! Bridget xxxx Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted June 22, 2003 Share Posted June 22, 2003 First, Bridget, I want you to know I removed your Email address because posting such is against the privacy policy of this forum. You can communicate with various members through private messages and email within the forum. One of the main reasons for this particular policy is that thousands of bots (Email address extractors) crawl through Internet forums by the minute harvesting Email addresses so adverrtisers can send spam Email. We don't want this happening to our members. We appreciate your kind understanding. Now, to your situation. The nature of love and relationships is such that you have to trust that things eventually happen for the best. You can drive yourself to insanity worrying about your guy being stolen from you by other women. First, you have to trust him. If you don't, you shouldn't be having this kind of long distance relationship. Those are very trying and difficult in the best of circumstances. Second, you must not worry about conditions which are out of your control. The nature of his work brings him in charge of many females, according to your post. Apparently, they make attemts to date him...just like you did, or he did you. In any case, you have no control of these efforts. You can only trust that he has the strength of character to resist temptation and be faithful to you. If he doesn't, he is not worthy of you. You cannot "learn" to trust somebody. It's a gift you bestow on a person until they don't deserve it anymore. Or I guess you can be around them for a very long time and if the more they don't screw up the more you can trust them. In your case, it's rather difficult to build trust because you rarely see him...so you must give it as a gift. I don't see why you should have taken away any trust from him due to these whisperings. If you are dating a great looking guy anywhere, anytime, there will always be women around who will try to steal him. Morals in this world have become much more corrupt in recent years. There is no logic in removing trust due to the actions of others. If anything, his non-response in these situations should have strenthened your trust. As long as you're in this relationship, you will drive yourself nutty if you keep thinking about the possibilities. Trust him until he gives you a reason not to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bridget Posted June 22, 2003 Author Share Posted June 22, 2003 Thanks for that message! I know that everything you said is right, and I know that my lack of trust lies in past relationships and the betrayls that went with them. However I think that I'm obviously misplacing my distrust of past boyfriends on him, and that's not fair at all. You've given me plenty to think about, thanks again And I understand about the email address, sorry about that, should have read the rules more carefully...oops, won't happen again! Bridget x Link to post Share on other sites
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