to LDR or not to LDR...that is the question

[thesinisterjoke]

We broke up right before he left for college because even though we were both still very much in love, we both decided that an LDR would just be too much for both of us. After three months of occasional friendly but formal conversation, he came home to visit his family for Thanksgiving and invited me to go for a drive with him. I was reluctant to go because I had no idea how I would feel at that point - I was still nostalgic but doing much better - but I agreed.

 

The moment I saw him when he came to pick me up, I knew that no matter how he had changed, my feelings for him were still there. We were together almost 2 years; 3 months is nothing compared to that. We drove around talking about our lives but the whole time I wanted to ask him to pull over so I could put my arms around him.

 

Eventually, he did pull over to show me something in the back of the car. After a few moments of gazing at each other in silence, I asked if I could hug him and he nodded. As soon as I leaned over to do it, he collapsed against me and started to cry. I was startled but I was just as overwhelmed and my eyes welled up too. We were completely silent, just sitting there with tears streaming down our faces with our foreheads pressed together, and then slowly our lips moved together and well, it went from there. But the thing is that it felt so natural, so right, to slip right back into the way we were before. Everything felt like it was exactly as it should be. We couldn't get enough of each other.

 

But eventually we had to stop and think about what we were doing and how it was going to complicate things. He was going back to school the very next day; he'd be 300 miles away again. The reasons we broke up in the first place were still there. So we exchanged a familiar tearful goodbye and left it at that.

 

For two days. Until he just had to complicate things even further by leaving a long message on my phone about how he thinks we have too much between us to lose, and he thinks we could make an LDR work. I can't deny I was elated to hear this, but I was also so confused. We had both agreed very much that this could never work for us; we just aren't the kind of people who can handle it. But I wanted to believe him, so I called him back the next day. But the conversation was like the others before: stiff and although not uncomfortable, still so formal. We had only just begun to discuss things when I heard someone calling his name and he said he had to go. Confused and frustrated, and hurt as well, I hung up and called back an hour later, leaving a short message telling him how I was feeling and asking him to please explain his logic. He hasn't called back yet and I am going crazy because now I feel like he didn't mean what he said at all. Just wondering if anyone has ever dealt with anything like this at all, or just any advice you have for LDRs in college.

[Boundary Problem]

If you love them - let them go.

 

 

An LDR is just too difficult in my opinion.

 

 

Re-think the reasons you are separated, that is my only possible piece of advice.

 

 

 

It is akin to a sexless marriage - something I would never tolerate again.

[gracielou]

Im currently in an LDR. We met in college but i graduated and went to grad school 3000miles away, he still had a year of college left and then he got a job near his home. We were together a year and a half before starting the LDR. Its been hard and very difficult but it has also been a blessing in disguise. We have learned to communicate better and through all of this we have learned how much we love each other. We got engaged this Halloween and are currently planning to marry next august. We will be together, assuming the graduate housing situtaion works out, before this summer.

 

To do a LDR or not to do one is up to you. It's not an easy path if you chose to go down it but it may totally pay off. If you do pursue it make regular visits and nightly phone calls. Skype has been a blessing to chat, we chat every night at the same time. We also text and IM each other throughout the day. The key is communication, without communication the relationship falls apart. If you get in an argument fight the urge to hang up on them. Stick it out and talk through the problem and come to at least some type of resolution that both of you can live with.

 

From watching people in my undergraduate college who were in a LDR during college, it can work, but it seems more difficult because you grow so much as an individual in college. When making your decision ask yourself if you will always wonder "what if?" and if you will regret not trying

[Ecosse]

First of all... why wont an LDR work?

 

Ive been in an LDR for 8 months now. At forst I just thought that LDRs dont work... thats what Ive been told anyway... Couldnt be further from the truth...

 

My GF and I are more intimate than I have ever been with someone before. We talk every day (almost) usually for hours. We have learned more about ourselves and eachother this way than I think we would have should we have been in a more traditional relationship and when we are able to be together its simply put, perfect...

 

Im not going to blow smoke here... They have their difficulties, its tough not to be able to be there when your SO needs you or when you need them... The pay off for us was we learned to trust one another (something I have much difficulty with... usually) and to be honest with everything.

 

So in close... I wouldnt have changed a thing with my GF and our LDR... The distance (1000 miles) sucks but the pay off has been enormous!

 

Talk with him and really get your feelings out there... Discuss it fully and honestly...

 

If he isnt willing to commit to an LDR then end it and move on. Dont torture yourself... I can say from personal experience that its worth waiting for the right person, no matter how long it takes...

 

If you do go for the LDR, here are some tips...

 

Talk, talk often... Make time to talk

Skype... the voice part is terrible sometimes so talk on the phone with the computer on mute .. youd be surprised how relaxing it is to just see their face...

Find something you can do together in leu of the distance... My GF and I will make the same meal and watch a movie together... If you both like gaming Ive read about couples palying games together online (not my cup of tea but to each their own).

Trust eachother... Just because he doesnt answer your call right away or doesnt reply to a text doesnt mean its over.. there are many reasons that you miss a call.

 

Good luck